Internship Update (Stemmng from "...Biting my tongue") Long, Sorry :/

DondadaTimes2 · September 2011

So I told you guys about finding out I had an outside connection with one of the client and then how he came to me looking to talk b/c he was having a rough day and just needed someone to talk to. Well, I went in tonight and he came right up all excited b/c yesterday he found out that he had 6-8 days left and he will have completed the program and would be eligible to take the next step (halfway house). I was so excited for him! I mean Im excited for every person Ive seen complete the program so far, but I knew from groups and such that this meant a lot to him b/c he had friends and family who he once did drugs with and they cleaned themseves up and he wanted what they had.

So my heart sank terribly when 30 min before I was going to leave he mentioned it again and after leaving the room his primary counselor says "Its too bad he's being kick out tomorrow morning". Apparently there was a random room search done (to all rooms) and they found cigarettes and a lighter found in his belongings and its not his first "strike". I think I mentioned before that he has anger issues well he was banned from using the phones b/c him and baby momma fought horribly and he called her a 'f^cking c^nT'. Im just so disappointed and so heartbroken and just filled with thoughts and I cant get them all straight.

I know that part of the heartbreak is b/c I know his "people" and I know they got straight and I had high hopes that he would. And I totally believe he still can, he had cigarettes, not coke, but I also learned a lot about him in the 2-3 weeks Ive been here and I know that being kicked out vs completing the program will not help in big ways. Im furious that he has no idea about it. He has anger issues I get it but Jesus Christ, if you find something termination worthy...do it then! Give him an hr or 2 to pack and call for a ride or something. He was just so excited to be close to done.

Then theres the nurse. Do I blame her? No But Im certainly ot letting her off the hook. He came to me to talk about his bad day and his stress and looking for some relief and she fuckin shoo'd him away like a garbage fly and I didnt have a chance to 1 on 1 with him that night. Then I was off for a day and then today. Its not her fault I know this, I just cant help but think that if he could have spoken to someone that he wouldnt have stressed out and bought cigarettes. But dont think Im letting him off the hook either. Hes a big boy and knew the rules and he willingly broke them.

I dunno, Im just a big ball of first-timers disappointment and heartache. Its a rough field to be in, I know. I just hate that Im feeling it so soon.

Thanks for letting me vent

kevinandmonica2011 · September 2011

What a bummer.

Sorry you are dealing with such a frustrating situation. It can be very difficult to watch bad things happen to your client... and if you have a special connection with them, it's even harder to stand by and let the chips fall where they may (that one was especially for you, Lorna, lol)...

Just out of curiosity... how in the heck was he able to buy cigarettes during the program?? Aren't they watched closely? This also seems odd to me.

Hang in there. You're a tough chick... you will see lots of disappointing results in a field like this, but I know you can handle it. I know you are strong and stubborn and want to fix everyone's problems.... but its just not that easy. Even if you "lose" 9/10 people in the program... if you are able to get through to and make a difference for 1... you have done a good thing.

DondadaTimes2 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_internship-update-stemmng-biting-tongue-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:621Discussion:51b614eb-de79-4ed3-b572-6b0bc8042a20Post:bccad247-9778-4d2f-b961-58a518ea259b">Re: Internship Update (Stemmng from "...Biting my tongue") Long, Sorry :/</a>:
[QUOTE]What a bummer. Sorry you are dealing with such a frustrating situation. It can be very difficult to watch bad things happen to your client... and if you have a special connection with them, it's even harder to stand by and let the chips fall where they may (that one was especially for you, Lorna, lol)... <strong>Just out of curiosity... how in the heck was he able to buy cigarettes during the program?? Aren't they watched closely? This also seems odd to me</strong>. Hang in there. You're a tough chick... you will see lots of disappointing results in a field like this, but I know you can handle it. I know you are strong and stubborn and want to fix everyone's problems.... but its just not that easy. Even if you "lose" 9/10 people in the program... if you are able to get through to and make a difference for 1... you have done a good thing.
Posted by kevinandmonica2011[/QUOTE]

Never underestimate the power of an addict. Thats what I was told on my first day. Yes inside the building they are, but they are allowed to leave for appts (medical, court related) and in that time they are not. They are told that they are to call transport the second they are done, but we know they may not always do that. If we find out they stepped away from their appt location we take it as they left the program (ACA'ed) and theyre let go. When they come back theyre pat down, their belongings are searched and they are piss tested, breathalized, and smokalized. But there was a girl with a baby who knew we couldnt touch the child and hid cigarettes in the babies pants (disgusting huh?!) and the guys will find a way to tuck it by their junk b/c we cant touch them there, and then their in the building and they sell them amongst each other.

You always know how to make me feel better Monica. Thanks :)

kevinandmonica2011 · September 2011

Got it. I forgot that you said they left for appointments and such. Ugh.... that justs seems like a setup for failure.... but at the same time, in the real world... outside of the walls of the facility there are temptations, so I guess it makes sense. They have to learn to avoid them. So sad that he came so far and gave in to stupid cigarettes.

Try to shake this off and have a super awesome weekend!!! You need it!

sbolger17 · September 2011

Why do they not allow cigarettes? I always thought that rehab programs practically encouraged smoking because it's bad, but not *that* bad.

Sorry about your patient. I can't even imagine what it's like to be in those difficult situations all the time.

lornarose07 · September 2011

Bridgett, this is probably the worst part of the job. I have gone through this many times with my clients, especially one who was dealing with addiction on top of all her other stuff (I don't think I ever mentioned, but to give context, I did my field placement then worked for Vera House). Just remember that although you cannot see them through, every. single. positive interaction you have a huge WIN for them. I talked and talked and talked to my professors all year about this, about my frustration of when a client stops calling me or changes her number or goes back to her abuser, or exists shelter. They kept reminding me that the clients will make progress on their own terms, not the terms that I think are right, so each time I work with them in a positive whether that's accompanying to court or a phone call, that is part of their progress and hugely important to them.

So you did help this guy. You saw him through a point in time where he might have flipped out and gone crazy. You also don't know if he had those cigs before the rude nurse pissed him off (or do you know?), so don't attribute that to anything to do with you. And like you said, he broke the rules willingly. *hugs* I hope it gets better for you!

MelissaC315 · September 2011

I'm working as a counselor myself and see teenage girls so I totally get the frustration sometimes! Unfortunately, you can only do so much for your clients and ultimately they must chose to make changes on their own with our support. As long as you're doing your best and genuinely caring about their success (which you do!) then you're doing what you're meant to be doing. It is sooo frustrating to see people fail. Quick story:
(names left out for confidentiality of course)

I was counseling a teenage girl who has a serious issue saying "no" to boys. If they want a "favor" she says yes to anyone anytime. This stems from a lack of father figure plus low self worth as you probably guessed. She was bullied pretty bad when she was little so this became her way to get "positive" recognition (in her eyes). Well anyway, she had sessions with me for about 4 months twice a week.... so quite a bit! and she was making soooo much progress. We worked on her self esteem and talked a lot about what she deserves from males, what she can offer, her "gifts" to the world as I call it (positive attributes). and she was finally getting to the point where she would say no and would spend time with girlfriends having fun and being a teenager. She would come in and tell me about her photography or art work (instead of boys). So basically she was doing awesome and starting to believe she was worthy. Well then I have to leave the program because my internship ended (suckedddd so bad, I soooo did not want to leave!). I talked to my supervisor 2 months later and she's right back to it! Ugh.... so the point of my incredibly long pointless story is that I sooo wanted more for her life and for her to realize how great she is but ultimately the choice to change for good is up to her!!!

But stick to it because it sounds like you really love what you do and we need more people who want to work in this field who truly love it!!!

maggiebeth29 · September 2011

I'm a narcotics prosecutor. I see so many people come through the system on a regular basis, either as users/sellers/both. I also cover Drug Court. Many of the defendant's think that because I'm the prosecutor I want to see them in jail, but one of the things I love is seeing a defendant that we gave the opportunity to get into DC actually complete. They look like different people, clean and happy. And they usually have a different attitude towards life. Remember, everything happens for a reason. And when someone wants to get out the situtation they are involved in, they will.
You should be very proud of yourself for doing what you do. One day those people will be thankful for you, even it sometimes it may not seem like it.

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