So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?

Mrsondrovich · May 2010

Hello, got married on April 22 in the Turks & Caicos and we are having an at home reception in June. We sent out the invites to the AHR almost a month ago and asked folks to let us know if they are coming or not by June first. To date, we haven't heard a word from 2/3 of the people we invited. Not a yes or a no. I have personally asked a few people when I've run into them and they are all like "oh yeah, I'm coming or No I'm not, yeah, I never bothered to rsvp....etc. " Everyone just seems to think its not necessary to give us the courtesy of giving us a yes or no?? Also, I spoke with someone who lives about 5 hours from us who (I thought) were good friends. She told me they are not coming because it's a hassle. She said money is not an issue or anything but you know, its not worth it for us to come down there for the weekend. For God sakes this is her hometown and they constantly want us to visit them which we have and do! I am just feeling hurt and confused. When did people become so rude?

laurenclaire1386 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:62553724-cd36-498e-8ea9-402dad56100a">So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello, got married on April 22 in the Turks & Caicos and we are having an at home reception in June. We sent out the invites to the AHR almost a month ago and asked folks to let us know if they are coming or not by June first. To date, we haven't heard a word from 2/3 of the people we invited. Not a yes or a no. I have personally asked a few people when I've run into them and they are all like "oh yeah, I'm coming or No I'm not, yeah, I never bothered to rsvp....etc. " Everyone just seems to think its not necessary to give us the courtesy of giving us a yes or no?? Also, I spoke with someone who lives about 5 hours from us who (I thought) were good friends. She told me they are not coming because it's a hassle. She said money is not an issue or anything but you know, its not worth it for us to come down there for the weekend. For God sakes this is her hometown and they constantly want us to visit them which we have and do! I am just feeling hurt and confused. When did people become so rude?
Posted by Mrsondrovich[/QUOTE]
I know it's frustrating to plan a party and not know how many people are coming, but calm down. The deadline hasn't passed yet. Your guests haven't done anything rude by not replying before the deadline you set.

danieliza1127 · May 2010

Well your RSVP date hasn't passed yet, so don't freak yet. June 1st is still a week away. You'll probably get a lot of RSVPs come in at the last minute.

That said, yes a lot of people are terrible at responding to invitations. It sucks, but we all had to deal with it. After your RSVP has passed, you'll have to contact people who didn't respond and ask if they can make it or not.

Your friend that said it's a hassle doesn't sound like a friend to me.

jasmineh7777 · May 2010

I have a June 1st rsvp date too. About 20 people of 100 have responded. Even some of my close family members haven't sent theirs back yet. I know it is really frustrating. I think people just don't understand how inconvenient it is to not know how many people are coming.

lyndausvi · May 2010

Well it's only May 24.. So you still have a week for those people to RSVP.

Second I might get flammed but I really do not get AHR. There is something about a B&G on their actual wedding day. They have this glow that can not be duplicated. Going to a party months after the fact is well. Meh. It's just like any other party IMO. So I'm not sure I would go out of my way (ie take off work, drive 5 hours, etc) to attend a AHR.

eastunder1 · May 2010

I most likely would not travel for an AHR, unless it was someone extremely close to me. Travel is a hassle, especially just for a pary and not an actual wedding. Your friend could have been a little more tactful about her answer, but I don't blame her for her reasoning.

Mrsondrovich · May 2010

You all are right, there is still a week to go yet so I'm freaking a bit. I'll wait until then to freak, lol.
I guess my so called friend isn't much of a friend anymore....I was just blown away by her remarks.

Nebb · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:1f15c7bb-f935-477f-be47-7550f66759f6">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well it's only May 24.. So you still have a week for those people to RSVP. Second I might get flammed but I really do not get AHR. There is something about a B&G on their actual wedding day. They have this glow that can not be duplicated. Going to a party months after the fact is well. Meh. It's just like any other party IMO. So I'm not sure I would go out of my way (ie take off work, drive 5 hours, etc) to attend a AHR.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
Agreed. It isnt the same as celebrating the wedding on the day of. In my opinion an AHR is just the couples chance at a 2nd party because they want to have their cake (the DW) and eat it too (AHR). Thats just my opinion.

andyandhillary · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:7c1b8e94-e990-4456-9f25-eff065234674">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore? : Agreed. It isnt the same as celebrating the wedding on the day of. In my opinion an AHR is just the couples chance at a 2nd party because they want to have their cake (the DW) and eat it too (AHR). Thats just my opinion.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

I also agree. I wouldn't go. I wouldn't travel 5 hours for any holiday party and I view it them as the same as AHRs.

Moneypenny424 · May 2010

You have time--no need to stress about it right now. And people aren't lacking manners because they haven't responded early.

Mrsondrovich · May 2010

I DO blame her for thinking it is a hassle. I went to her AHR as she was a destination bride too, I went to her bridal shower and her bachelorette party. As far as AHR, it was my parents idea and doing. Not many people can make it to a destination wedding and many family members and friends wanted to know if we'd do something at home so they could celebrate with us so here it is.....

sarabellam · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:f77f3cf1-eb0a-453a-9f37-2e3d22e78a14">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]I DO blame her for thinking it is a hassle. I went to her AHR as she was a destination bride too, I went to her bridal shower and her bachelorette party. Posted by Mrsondrovich[/QUOTE]

To spout off a cliche, "She's just not that into you."

andyandhillary · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:f77f3cf1-eb0a-453a-9f37-2e3d22e78a14">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]I DO blame her for thinking it is a hassle. I went to her AHR as she was a destination bride too, I went to her bridal shower and her bachelorette party. As far as AHR, it was my parents idea and doing. Not many people can make it to a destination wedding and many family members and friends wanted to know if we'd do something at home so they could celebrate with us so here it is.....
Posted by Mrsondrovich[/QUOTE]

Well then that's lame that she isn't coming when you came to hers. I see that. I wouldn't completely write off a friendship over a party though. Also, maybe her concerns are money and she just didn't want to say it. Who knows. At the end of the day though it isn't a life changing decision of hers.

kikibaby · May 2010

5 hours of travel IS a hassle. I'd want to stay overnight if I travelled that far, so that's getting a hotel, packing, figuring out what to do with my pets, either taking time off work or losing my weekend... yeah, I wouldn't do it unless it was immediate family or a best friend.

Nebb · May 2010

Weddings arent a tit for tat occasion - just because you attended theirs doesnt mean that they are then obligated to attend yours. Travelling 5 hours CAN be a hassel, and depending no what she has going on (which you DONT KNOW ABOUT), it could just not be possible for her to travel that far (financially, time wise, etc). No one is obligated to attend your wedding, it doesnt mean they have no manners or are a bad person if they dont.

danieliza1127 · May 2010

I find it strange that some of you wouldn't travel to your friend's AHR. If it were my good friend, I would drive 5 hours, especially if it's to my own hometown.

lyndausvi · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:e3cd5931-3677-4791-bb3a-918719e481d7">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it strange that some of you wouldn't travel to your friend's AHR. If it were my good friend, I would drive 5 hours, especially if it's to my own hometown.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I didn't say I wouldn't. But I'm not sure I would give it the same importance as if it was the actual wedding.

eastunder1 · May 2010

I would for my best friend. Or very close friends. People of that magnitude you're going to be there and do whatever they want. But just a run of the mill friend? Friends I used to be close to but life has distanced us? (which sounds like the case here) No. I wouldn't. It's not a wedding. It's just a party. When else would you drive five hours for a party?

ebonyivory10 · May 2010

I think AHRs are a nice idea - basically a party for the people that were unable to make it to your wedding. People want to celebrate your marriage and congratulate you, they just couldn't make to your actual wedding. I don't agree if it's just a ploy to get gifts, but otherwise it's just spending time with people who care about you and are happy for you.

As far as the RSVPs, I agree with the others - you aren't out of time yet and maybe wait until after your deadline to freak out. Heh

salt78 · May 2010

Totally OT, but where in T&C did you get married? I got married there at the end of Feb.

danieliza1127 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:f11aef68-ee68-4cb6-897c-5bd616d75253">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would for my best friend. Or very close friends. People of that magnitude you're going to be there and do whatever they want. But just a run of the mill friend? Friends I used to be close to but life has distanced us? (which sounds like the case here) No. I wouldn't. It's not a wedding. It's just a party. When else would you drive five hours for a party?
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

I see that point, but she said this was a "good friend".

andyandhillary · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:e3cd5931-3677-4791-bb3a-918719e481d7">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it strange that some of you wouldn't travel to your friend's AHR. If it were my good friend, I would drive 5 hours, especially if it's to my own hometown.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Being home is a hassel and often very stressful for me. It is the opposite of relaxation/vacation time so I would hate to have to drive 5 hrs for an AHR on a weekend. 10 hrs of driving in a weekend? That's a lot.

Mrsondrovich · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:181787b5-ddc6-4ce1-9921-ef2154d176be">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore? : I didn't say I wouldn't. But I'm not sure I would give it the same importance as if it was the actual wedding.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

oh boy, she was invited to the wedding! She didn't come, but yeah I get it, it's a hassle. I just don't treat people that way. If I get invited to a party, a wedding, an AHR (whether it's important or not, whatever) I respond. I realize there's still a week, that's not the issue. I'm just hurt by the attitudes of people who claim to care and who wanted US to do an AHR.

And yeah, I see now she's not that into me anymore. Again I just treat people how I want to be treated.l

tlv204 · May 2010

I'm with east.

And don't freak out too much about the RSVPs until it's actually June 1st.

Nebb · May 2010

Maybe they only said they wanted you to do one to be nice, and didnt really mean it.

ohwhynot · May 2010

Did you do actual rsvp cards/postcards, pre-stamped, with a date? Or was there just a note to rsvp? In my experience, just a note with "please rsvp" is routinely ignored.

eastunder1 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:f2d4e741-31f8-4c08-b170-34b720712ece">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore? : I see that point, but she said this was a "good friend".
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I have no doubt that the OP thinks this is a close, solid friendship. But the fact her "close friend" is not willing to be inconvienced to come to her party tells me otherwise. I bet if you asked the friend about the state of their union she would say something along the lines of "Oh, we used to close but then I moved/had kids/developed other interests and you know how that goes........"

Like I said, I'd happily take on any amount of hassle for my closest friends. I think most people would. The fact she won't speaks volumes.

Festiva · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:e3cd5931-3677-4791-bb3a-918719e481d7">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it strange that some of you wouldn't travel to your friend's AHR. If it were my good friend, I would drive 5 hours, especially if it's to my own hometown.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

You are my new favorite person ever!

eastunder1 · May 2010

Offnote: I thought Nebbs new sig picture was one of thesuninherheads wedding pictures. I was about to compliment Sun on the really cool picture of her husband. I think its all the wheat.

danieliza1127 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:56a7f31b-8999-431d-8405-16d36a54f001">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore? : I have no doubt that the OP thinks this is a close, solid friendship. But the fact her "close friend" is not willing to be inconvienced to come to her party tells me otherwise. I bet if you asked the friend about the state of their union she would say something along the lines of "Oh, we used to close but then I moved/had kids/developed other interests and you know how that goes........" Like I said, I'd happily take on any amount of hassle for my closest friends. I think most people would. The fact she won't speaks volumes.
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

I agree with you. Also about Nebb's new picture! :)

andy71781 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-just-dont-manners-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:28815328-2b25-4f63-bf24-bf67c54a3533Post:a251aea8-d6d1-4337-b6d3-5f035e53bbbc">Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore? : See, what I don't get is... if you want EVERYONE to be able to make it, why not jsut have a wedding at home and honeymoon in T&C? It seems backwards. To me, DWs are great and all, but the point is that they are a DW... they're usually smaller, intimate, built-in vacations. Personally, if I couldn't make it to a DW, I think going to a party celebrating that DW would make me think that the B&G were rubbing it in my face that I couldn't see them get married. Not really, but sort of.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
I agree - even though this wasn't OP's idea I think that its kind of getting two bites of the apple. You have your wedding day - why do you get another one?

So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?

Re: So people just don't have ANY manners anymore?

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