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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

incorporating students in my wedding

This is my very first post! I am a teacher and would love to incorporate some of my former students into the ceremony. Does anyone have any ideas? I also tutor a few children and would like them to do something special other than being flower girls/ring bearers. I was thinking some could hand out programs, but after that I am lost. Any ideas would be great!
NPlovesJM

Re: incorporating students in my wedding

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_incorporating-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8af6a05e-cf88-41bb-91c1-c5d5b6f29968Post:3528bbcf-3d6e-420c-b823-55331974685c">incorporating students in my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is my very first post! I am a teacher and would love to incorporate some of my former/current students into the ceremony. Does anyone have any ideas? I also tutor a few children and would like them to do something special other than being flower girls/ring bearers. I was thinking some could hand out programs, but after that I am lost. Any ideas would be great!
    Posted by chica368[/QUOTE]

    I think your heart is in the right place, but I think it's a misguided thought.  Have you really thought all this through?  Just so you know where I'm coming from, I'm a long time teacher and my DD is a teacher as is my DIL.

    IF  you ask some students, you risk offending the families of those you don't invite.  You send a very clear message that you like some students more than others when you do that.  And then by giving some "jobs" at the wedding, you draw that line even more firmly.

    How are you going to explain to Jason that Matthew is going to hand out programs at the wedding, but he's not?  How do you tell Ashley that she's a flower girl, but Jessica isn't?  And more, how do justify that to their parents?

    It's realistic that we like some of our students better than others.  But, and it's a huge qualifier, you can't treat them that way.  It's incumbent on you to treat every kid the same way, not showing favoritism to any.

    If I were your administrator or your mentor, I'd be so completely, totally advising you that your good intentions would certainly blow up in your face and hurt you professionally.

    Furthermore, if you invite those students, you have to include their parents.  Are you prepared to expand your guest list to include them as well?  Are you including them in the reception (which you should if you're including them in the ceremony)?  Will there be alcohol at the reception?  Again-it's a line that you don't want to cross.

    Your professional life should be your professional life, and your personal life should be your personal life.  And there really should be a clearly drawn line between the two~especially when you're a teacher.

    I'd really, really rethink this idea.  It's just inappropriate on many levels.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
    mrsfinni[Deleted User]misscoffeeplease
  • I think it would be inappropriate to include students in your wedding.  Business and personal should be separate.

    Additionally, doing things like handing out programs and being the guestbook attendant are not honors, they are chores.  If they are so special to you, include them on the guestlist.  Attending as a guest is an honor too.

    I would still be uncomfortable with inviting my students, though.
    mimiphinmisscoffeeplease
  • I'm not a teacher, so maybe there's something I just "don't get" here, but to me, this just seems like a really innapropriate idea. I don't know, it sounds like you'd be playing favorites, and you'd probably end up offending students/parents of students that got left out.

    Another thing is, if you invite somebody to be in/at your ceremony, they get an invite to the reception. Unless your students are adults, you'd need to invite their parents as well (No decent parents is just going to drop 10-year-old Tommy off at a wedding full of strangers for the day), which would probably add a lot to your budget.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • Listen to Trix.  She is kind and wise.
  • My fourth grade teacher got married during the year.  She was one of my very favorite teachers, and I know I was one of her favorite students.  The only thing any of her students ever heard regarding the wedding was when she told us that we had to call her by a different name now.  (As I recall, we made her a banner that we all signed, and there might have been cupcakes.  That was it.)

    All my life, I've been a teacher's pet.  But before I hit college, I only saw one of my teachers outside of school-related settings, and that was because he was my best friend's dad.  Even in college when professors would invite students into their homes, it was usually for some educational purpose.

    Your personal life has absolutely no place in your professional life.  Trust me, your students won't mind being left out, or if they do, they'll get over it in about a day. 
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I agree that you shouldn't incorporate students into your ceremony - but I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting them to it!  I am a middle school music teacher, and I am informally inviting my choir and drama students to the ceremony (not the reception).  The church is plenty big, so that's not an issue.  My students are a very important part of my life...I can't separate my personal from my professional life that easily because they are very intertwined - especially because a lot of my job involves out-of-the-school-day rehearsals and performances.

    Just keep in mind the amount of space you have at the ceremony, and think about seating - like how are you going to keep your students from grabbing up the good seats and making your family and friends sit in the back, and other things like that.
  • I am a sixth grade teacher and am planning to invite all my students past and present. But, I know they probably will not attend because the wedding is 6 hours away from where I currently teach. I don't think there is anything inappropriate about inviting them.

    but i agree that it is a fine line to have some of them in the wedding. we all know teachers have favorites not matter how hard they try not too. and giving certain students specials jobs will show that. What about having them ALL come up to the front to sing a song? or recite some type of poem. Could be cheesy, but if organized and prepared could be cute and special.
  • I personally think your professional life and personal life need to be kept seperate.  These are children who you should not be really having a relationship with outside of the classroom.  Very inappropriate.  If my child was invited to a teacher's wedding, I would be very creeped out and probably report it to the administration.
  • edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_incorporating-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8af6a05e-cf88-41bb-91c1-c5d5b6f29968Post:031b204b-1cc6-4c05-bc8c-6f51885bfa4a">Re: incorporating students in my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it would be inappropriate to include students in your wedding.  Business and personal should be separate. Additionally, doing things like handing out programs and being the guestbook attendant are not honors, they are chores.  If they are so special to you, include them on the guestlist.  Attending as a guest is an honor too. I would still be uncomfortable with inviting my students, though.
    Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]
    ditto.

    although, in most cases i'm not sure i agree with the "business and personal should be totally separate", because i know alot of people who invite co-workers (or include in their ceremony).  but when dealing with students, pretty sure its inappropriate.

    and don't give people 'chores'.  whoever you assign to the task will probaly hate it and will not feel 'included' or 'special'.  i speak from experience.
  • First off, this excited bride asked for ideas, not your personal opinions about whether or not to do it. Some teachers, especially lower school, have a much more personal connection to their students and families. They are like your own kids and you are a huge part of their lives for a whole year, and vice versa. I disagree with every response on this page. It is not inappropriate to share something special and personal with your students and their families.
    I am getting married in July and any of my students whom Ive taught over the last 3 years are invited to the ceremony and will even be walking a flower down the aisle and then returning to their seat with their family. (I taught at another school prior to the last 3 years.) I might even ask another teacher to help them with a little song after communion. We will be taking pictures together afterward and I will have juice and treats for them. My families and kids are excited about it and several moms had asked beforehand if they could attend the ceremony because it would mean so much to their child.
    I don't see where sharing happiness is inappropriate, and I am very much looking forward to having my first graders, past and present, celebrate with me at the ceremony.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @KnotPorscha, can you also close this thread?
  • NPlovesJM said:
    First off, this excited bride asked for ideas, not your personal opinions about whether or not to do it. Some teachers, especially lower school, have a much more personal connection to their students and families. They are like your own kids and you are a huge part of their lives for a whole year, and vice versa. I disagree with every response on this page. It is not inappropriate to share something special and personal with your students and their families. I am getting married in July and any of my students whom Ive taught over the last 3 years are invited to the ceremony and will even be walking a flower down the aisle and then returning to their seat with their family. (I taught at another school prior to the last 3 years.) I might even ask another teacher to help them with a little song after communion. We will be taking pictures together afterward and I will have juice and treats for them. My families and kids are excited about it and several moms had asked beforehand if they could attend the ceremony because it would mean so much to their child. I don't see where sharing happiness is inappropriate, and I am very much looking forward to having my first graders, past and present, celebrate with me at the ceremony.
    Tell me you're going to pay her to do this.

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