having guests help pay for the honeymoon?

LauraJeanK · April 2013

Would it be acceptable (and how would you word it/ask it) to ask for money towards the honeymoon, instead of gifts for the house? We already have a home together that we've been working on and fixing up for the past couple of years. We pretty much have everything we need home-wise. We don't, however, have a lot of money to spend on a honeymoon. What are your opinions?

kwasiolek · April 2013

Asking for money will never go well as it is poor etiquette. Can you register for some upgrades? Maybe new towels/sheets/etc? I've heard Home Depot has some kind of registry to fixing up the home.

Have the honeymoon that you can afford to go on at this point. I'm not sure about PA but im MA typically physical gifts are given at the shower and monetary gifts at the wedding. If someone has offered to throw you a shower but you really don't want to register politely decline since it is a gift opening event.

Good luck!

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_having-guests-help-pay-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e1de69-5539-444d-8270-49e027c9ab41Post:cfc30abd-1b62-4a78-8947-bc71d7a37058">having guests help pay for the honeymoon?</a>:
[QUOTE]Would it be acceptable (and how would you word it/ask it) to ask for money towards the honeymoon, instead of gifts for the house? We already have a home together that we've been working on and fixing up for the past couple of years. We pretty much have everything we need home-wise. We don't, however, have a lot of money to spend on a honeymoon. What are your opinions?
Posted by LauraJeanK[/QUOTE]
It's always in poor taste to ask people for money. <div>
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LauraJeanK · April 2013

Okay, well I REALLY don't want things, haha. Like we have spent the past couple of years upgrading, we're pretty much almost done now. If people buy us things, we'll have no space left. We are already running out of room because my mom likes to buy things... a lot lol. So how can I nicely say that I'd rather not get gifts?

AddieCake · April 2013

So just don't register and have people like your parents tell people when they ask that you are saving for a honeymoon, and then you are likely to get cash.

kwasiolek · April 2013

You can't say anything - don't register anywhere and decline a shower if it is offered. People will get the hint!

JMalettas · April 2013

I know a lot of people are not in favour of the honeymoon registry, and if that's the only thing you're registring for, then I agree it's not your best bet! You're going to get the relatives or friends that think it's tacky, and you're going to end up with a random gift regardless. So I think if your mind is set on doing a honeymoon registry, that you also should do a regular gift registry at a store of your choice. Honeymoon registries are generally done through a travel agency, that will set up an account in your name that your guests can add $$ to. So it's just a matter of finding an agency, or company to set that up for you. I do think though, that you will get guests that think this is inappropriate and will bring a gift instead, & it might as well be something you chose! I think that if you absolutely can't bring yourself to do a gift registry, then I would opt out of the shower.

Uberoom12 · April 2013

Your situation is extremely difficult. Since you don´t what stuff for the house.

If you ask for money instead of things, is in a way, rude of you to do it. Put yoursef in your guests shoes. What would you think if a friend or family of your´, ask you to bring money instead of a real gift.

People will think is inappropiate because you will know exactly how much do they spend on you, but if they buy you something instead you will never know.

Before you do anything, think very well about this. You may end up with nothing at all.

LauraJeanK · April 2013

Thank you everyone, I think I'm going to do a very small registry and tell people there aren't many things I need. Hope everyone just gets the hint

hoffse · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_having-guests-help-pay-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e1de69-5539-444d-8270-49e027c9ab41Post:ac2e5e5a-b034-44eb-bebd-d985f129ec38">Re: having guests help pay for the honeymoon?</a>:
[QUOTE]People will get the hint. And frankly there is a large subset of people who prefer to give only cash at weddings no matter what. That's why I always find this question odd. I think most brides will tell you they get a large percentage of money with or without a registry. If you want to use that cash for a honeymoon, go for it.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>it actually varies a lot by region and by circle. Probably 95% of our gifts were boxed, and we had people come from all over the country. We didn't get enough cash to even cover our flights to Jamaica (from Atlanta, no less) on our honeymoon. That's why I always tell people to plan the vacation they can afford. If they can't afford to pay for it outright, then they should wait to see how much cash they get after the wedding and THEN start to plan. </div><div>
</div><div>Please don't tell brides that they can just assume that they will get a ton of cash, because they might then spend money they don't have on that vacation they are just sure their guests will ultimately pay for (since TK told them so). H's entire family bought us boxed gifts, not from our registry. So whether we had a registry or not, we would have been getting those boxed gifts.</div>

MyNameIsNot · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_having-guests-help-pay-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e1de69-5539-444d-8270-49e027c9ab41Post:a8f4e109-7a40-449d-8d48-ceb6c7d23108">Re: having guests help pay for the honeymoon?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone, I think I'm going to do a very small registry and tell people there aren't many things I need. Hope everyone just gets the hint :)
Posted by LauraJeanK[/QUOTE]

<div>Good plan. You could also casually mention that you are focused on saving for a honeymoon whe people ask. </div>

LauraJeanK · April 2013

Well thank you everyone!

I posted this in on another board and people were absolutely not so friendly! haha. I got called entitled and was told I look 16... lol

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_having-guests-help-pay-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e1de69-5539-444d-8270-49e027c9ab41Post:94cd73f9-f22c-4315-b43f-fb6a4e5c9cc6">Re: having guests help pay for the honeymoon?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well thank you everyone! :) I posted this in on another board and people were absolutely not so friendly! haha. I got called entitled and was told I look 16... lol
Posted by LauraJeanK[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well, in fairness, you did post on that board, "<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11.818181991577148px;background-color:#ebf4fb;">Kinda because he has been married once before, and he went on an amazing honeymoon. Not exactly fair that I don't get to go on a real honeymoon."</span></div><div><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11.818181991577148px;">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11.818181991577148px;">That does come across as very entitled. I do think the age comment was not relevant. That said, I think it's always nice to look young. :D
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LauraJeanK · April 2013

Well I only said that after someone asked me why I don't want to wait a few years to go on a honeymoon. And HE is the one going on and on about how amazing the place was that he went before... But that wasn't my original post.. it was just a question about what was acceptable. I wasn't looking for name calling, which is what I got. On a site full of ADULTS, I would assume name calling would be kept to a minimum, but I was incorrect, lol. And yes, I see no problem with me looking young.. I have a feeling those women might have just been a little jealous

[Deleted User] · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_having-guests-help-pay-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e1de69-5539-444d-8270-49e027c9ab41Post:8e975d1f-f025-4b57-ac16-2640cff952a9">Re: having guests help pay for the honeymoon?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the key is presentation! SimplyTie.com has really cool registry themes, and you can use professional photos and detailed descriptions of how you are going to spend it. I think if you make it fun, people will respond well. For example, rather than just asking for cash, Ask for $100 to Scuba dive in Maui, with a promise to provide actual photos from the dive in your thank you card. In any case, it's your day, do what you want, if you're glowing on the big day, that's all anybody will think about.
Posted by JustinBeach[/QUOTE]

<div>Go away vendor!</div>

sweetart7799 · June 2013

I think that registering for toasters or honeymoon upgrades is the same. Both are asking for gifts which cost "money." You will have the traditional guests who want to give you items from a traditional registry. There must be a few things you want to upgrade. There will also be other guests that feel purchasing an option from a honeymoon registry is a fun way to celebrate your wedding. You may not have the entire honeymoon paid for, but you will be able to have a great time!

I agree about your last board post. Those women were catty. Even if someone doesn't agree with registering for a honeymoon, there was no need to go to that level. I'm happy that you were able to post again and get helpful and kind information, even if some of the opinions didn't match your own. Good luck to you!

manateehugger · June 2013

@sweetart7799

Registries are not a demand for gifts, they are simply a suggestion for those who would like to purchase the couple a gift. Honeymoon registries are a demand for straight up cash, less a service fee.

You shouldn't be relying upon your friends and family to fund your sex vacation. That's distasteful.

sweetart7799 · June 2013

@PDKH

Both types of registries, be it traditional or honeymoon related, convey options to wedding guests. It is their choice to select a gift from a registry, choose their own gift or give nothing at all. I don't see anywhere where I or anyone else said that they "demand" anything-even if they are having a honeymoon registry.

Quote below from Emily Post. She dosn't seem to find it distasteful; if you do then simply don't have or purchase a gift from one. No one is forcing you too!

"Is a Honeymoon Registry appropriate?
Yes, but don’t expect all guests to choose that gift option. Some will be more comfortable selecting a traditional gift, or giving cash. A honeymoon registry is an acceptable choice, but it’s probably safest to give guests alternate choices -- so it’s a good idea to still register for some traditional items, too."

QueerFemme · June 2013

sweetart7799 said:

@PDKH

Both types of registries, be it traditional or honeymoon related, convey options to wedding guests. It is their choice to select a gift from a registry, choose their own gift or give nothing at all. I don't see anywhere where I or anyone else said that they "demand" anything-even if they are having a honeymoon registry.

Quote below from Emily Post. She dosn't seem to find it distasteful; if you do then simply don't have or purchase a gift from one. No one is forcing you too!

"Is a Honeymoon Registry appropriate?
Yes, but don’t expect all guests to choose that gift option. Some will be more comfortable selecting a traditional gift, or giving cash. A honeymoon registry is an acceptable choice, but it’s probably safest to give guests alternate choices -- so it’s a good idea to still register for some traditional items, too."

Emily post isn't as good of an etiquette resource as it once was. It has very much been swayed by the wedding industry.

having guests help pay for the honeymoon?

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