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Groom's father is best man, where does his girlfriend sit???

ShadyladyalShadyladyal
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance's parents are divorced but do get along and have been good for the most part through out this process...
My fiance's father is the best man and his brother is a groomsman. They both have girlfriends that I would consider serious, not engaged or even close really but together about a year and attend holidays this year etc. When deciding the seating arrangement for the ceremony of the families the grooms mother, who is re-married, said they should sit back with the rest of the congregation.
 We have three rows reserved for family on each side with a total of 22 seats for bride and 22 seats for the groom side. The bride has 19 family members taking up most of the three rows.
The groom on the other hand, since his father and brother are in the wedding, only has 11 family members, leaving 3 empty seats in row two and an entire row empty. Where should I seat the girlfriends??? With the family? In the third empty reserved row and tell the ushers to fill in that row as the ceremony gets full? or in the congregation???
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Re: Groom's father is best man, where does his girlfriend sit???

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd have them sit with the family because they are escorts of the immediate family members.  The groom's mother is wrong about that, and asking them to sit back with the rest of the congregation would be really insulting.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    With the family. They're not TECHNICALLY family, but where I'm from, your SO is family. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I mean...your FI could always ASK them.

    This is one of those situations that there isn't a set "rule" for.

    For example, we weren't sure if DH's Mom's boyfriend would want a bout. So we asked DH's mom and her boyfriend what they would prefer. NBD.

    It really depends on the person.
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  • PookiesonPookieson member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    This was posted on another board...I can't remember which...WP maybe? I agree with Addie

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with Addie.

    I once went to a wedding for one of my H's Uncle's.  At the time I was only his girlfriend and still years away from getting engaged.  They wanted to do a family picture.  Well one of his cousin's, the son of the person getting married, told me that I wasn't allowed in the picture because I wasn't engaged or married to my H (BF at the time).  Needless to say that really pissed me off.  Manly because he had no right to say that.  His FI (who he had just proposed to a week before) was allowed in the pictures.  I had been with my H for about 3 years longer then they had been together but he judged my relationship based on our status or not being engaged.  Do not do this.

    Seat her with her boyfriend.  You never know what the future may hold and this GF may just turn into a wife one day.

    Oh, and I am still bitter about what H's cousin did.  H was pissed too, but it wasn't worth it to us to get into a fight at that moment.

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  • ShadyladyalShadyladyal
    First Comment
    My solution:

    In an effort not to ruffle any feathers with MIL, I am only going to reserve two rows on the grooms side and have my BIL usher his girlfriend and his father's girlfriend to the 3rd row behind the grooms family and I am going to put reserved cards on their seats. That way they are with people they know and not sitting wherever is open when they get there. Fair????
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would just ask them.  My brother sat in the front row after escorting in my mom; his gf sat back with the rest of the congregation b/c since he had to be there early she came with a couple of my brothers friends and just sat with them.  She would have been more than welcome in the front, but she was comfortable sitting with his friends. 

    I don't see how the gfs sitting in the second row is disrespectful to the moms at all, and also don't understand how reserving two seats is any less "they're part of the family" than reserving a whole row.  If you decide to go this route instead of just putting them in the second row I'd at least ask them if there's anyone else they'd like to sit by them.  Perhaps some of FFIL's friends will be there who the gf would like to sit with and they could be pulled up to the third row as well...

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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    Agreed with Kate. Ask them if they have preferences. Even if they don't care, it's probably best to communicate with them and let them know what to expect.

    You'd certainly want them to feel included, but perhaps they'd prefer to sit amongst the guests versus being seated by an usher.

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