Daddy's girl needs advice! (long)

Re: Daddy's girl needs advice! (long)

• fallbride1109 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I went through something similar when my husband proposed.  We are different religions and my father did not approve and said some very hurtful things. 
  
  I told my dad in no uncertain terms that if he did not stop saying the things he was saying and if he ever showed any prejudice towards my husband, then we would not have a relationship and told him I was done discussing the issue.  He continued (by email) to say things, to which I did not respond.  Over time, he softened and things did improve before the wedding, but I still would not let him walk me down the aisle.
  
  I took a very hard stance with my father--pretty much an ultimatum.  But I don't necessarily advise this.  You are doing all you can by still including him and maintaining your relationship.  It is ultimately his decision to accept it or not.  
  
  I am sorry your father won't officiate but religious issues are very hard issues that many people feel strongly about.  His views may never change but hopefully you can still maintain a relationship and agree to disagree so to speak.  My father is trying really hard.  He is kind to both my husband and his family--but I know from conversations with my sister that he is still struggling, and may always.  You need to accept that your father may never come around and there is only so much you can do.  

  Planning the Meal
  With All the Trimmings
  

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• marksle84

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  This has been going on for a while. We wanted to get married this past summer. Joe asked his permission last October. I spoke with him and Joe even talked to him again. But still no. We have emailed back and forth about the situation and it actually broke our business apart. I just never imagined in my life to want my dad out of it. He was a stay at home dad growing up and he's always been the one I would lean on. This marriage is going to be the biggest thing in my life and for him to not support it makes my heart hurt. 

  Im afraid that if I cut him out of my life I put a riff in my entire family. No family dinners, does my mom have to sneak out to see me. What happens when I have kids? No grandpa? 

  I just want to smack him and tell him to get over it.  

  
  

  Stephie- So who did you have walk you down the aisle? Did that make you emotional to not have him there? Did he at least go to the wedding?

  

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• Tiffany618

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Stephie's advice is wonderful.
  
  I really really hate that you have to go through this.  Is there anything that would help your Dad cope with this?   I am Baptist and all I ever hear is acceptance, grace, love, and forgiveness. Find some relevant passages maybe, even if it is not your thing? 
  
  Have you had a real one-on-one with your Dad to find out what's really happening?  If you've already tried that..what about a heartfelt letter?  I just can't imagine that your Daddy would disappoint his baby girl when push comes to shove.
  
  I really don't know what to say.  :-/

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• juliebug1997 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I am so very sorry that you're experiencing this.  I feel the ultimatums are not the way to go either but...I just feel that, if your parents/dad feel that they have done a good job raising you, then I would like to think that they would trust you and your decisions.
  
  I will say that it's probably a huge step for him to say that he will walk you down the aisle and that may be all you can hope for right now.

  Possible Infestation

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