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Engagement party invites..question

MeganM704MeganM704 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
At our engagement party we are planning to provide the beer and wine but if people would like something different I would like them to bring it. So I was just curious what would be the best possible way (and nicest) to say byob on an engagement party invitation? Or should I not even say byob at all?
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Re: Engagement party invites..question

  • misshart00misshart00 member
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    Don't say BYOB. Just provide what you can. Are you hosting your own engagement party?
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:2e35c285-4b6d-4fca-aba7-92a059586f43">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't say it at all. Beer and wine is plenty. I know of no one who exclusively drinks hard liquor. 
    Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto. Except the hard liqour. 'Cause that's pretty much me. >.></div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Wait, are you planning and throwing your own engagement party?  You know that is a no-no right?

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  • itzMSitzMS member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:2cd124cc-6ea0-4eed-bf79-e4e331d88e15">Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]At our engagement party we are planning to <strong>provide the beer and wine but if people would like something different I would like them to bring it.</strong> So I was just curious what would be the best possible way (and nicest) to say byob on an engagement party invitation? Or should I not even say byob at all?
    Posted by MeganM704[/QUOTE]

    Well, that's up to your hosts, not you.

    But if you're obtaining the information for you hosts, then tell them to leave off any BYOB wording.
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  • MeganM704MeganM704 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:bd1af288-a2de-4575-a093-2525d31ea4ce">Re:Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't say BYOB. Just provide what you can. Are you hosting your own engagement party?
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

    <div>thank you for your response! And yeah we are hosting our own.</div>
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  • itzMSitzMS member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:f9eecb81-0702-4683-9fc1-5c6c62808e22">Re:Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Engagement party invites..question : thank you for your response! And yeah we are hosting our own.
    Posted by MeganM704[/QUOTE]

    *facepalm*

    We regs can't win here today.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:f9eecb81-0702-4683-9fc1-5c6c62808e22">Re:Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Engagement party invites..question : thank you for your response! <strong>And yeah we are hosting our own.
    </strong>Posted by MeganM704[/QUOTE]

    That is against etiquette.  You should never throw a party in your own honor.  If an engagement party was to be thrown a family member or friend would have offered.  Same goes for your bridal shower and bachelorette parties.  If they aren't offered then you just don't have one.

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  • PookiesonPookieson member
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    Eek.  Like PP said.  Don't do it.

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

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  • Butterfly898Butterfly898 member
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    You can throw your own engagement party. Don't worry about it. You're throwing your own wedding, aren't you?
    Wine and Beer sounds perfect, its nice of you to shell out and provide that. Also make sure to provide non-alcholoic beverages, such as soda, juice and water for others.
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:08a04139-de69-4721-821e-0f113c18bc6a">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can throw your own engagement party. Don't worry about it. You're throwing your own wedding, aren't you? Wine and Beer sounds perfect, its nice of you to shell out and provide that. Also make sure to provide non-alcholoic beverages, such as soda, juice and water for others.
    Posted by Butterfly898[/QUOTE]

    <div>Are you here just to stir up sh*t? This is the second (or third, I lose count) piece of crappy advice you've tried to doll out, JUST TODAY. </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, it's against etiquette to throw your own parties. They are done in your honor. Please do not listen to Butterfly898.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:b38bf9da-66a3-4098-9451-c7a7fc55016e">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't mean to thread jack; but then is hosting your own Birthday party a no-no??? I mean isn't that a party in your honor?  I did not have a e-party so I didn't throw me one  and am not throwing any other of my pre-wedding parties  so don't think I'm agreeing or anything with the op...  Just a serious question.
    Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>If it is clear that no gifts are expected, it is alright to host your own birthday party.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:14299208-d875-4d1f-8340-1c0091533660">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement party invites..question : Okie Dokie Thanks kmbryant! I was going to say; I had a birthday dinner last year I planned myself and I just wanted to make sure I didn't do a bad thing. I wasn't expecting any presents and I was super surprised I did end of getting two presents. My best friends knew I started to make hair bows and they bought me tons of ribbons. It was very unexpected! 
    Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think you're in the clear. I like to have control over my own 'party' stuff, but I don't really fancy surprises. I know the previous answer came up terse, but it wasn't meant to be either :)</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:08a04139-de69-4721-821e-0f113c18bc6a">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can throw your own engagement party. Don't worry about it. You're throwing your own wedding, aren't you? Wine and Beer sounds perfect, its nice of you to shell out and provide that. Also make sure to provide non-alcholoic beverages, such as soda, juice and water for others.
    Posted by Butterfly898[/QUOTE]

    There is a difference between an engagement party and a wedding.  An engagement party is a party for the couple and to congratulate them for getting engaged.  A wedding (the reception portion) is for the guests as a thank you for coming to the ceremony so yes, the couple (or parents) should throw that party.

    So the difference is...
    Engagement party = fawning all over the couple and celebrating the couple and their new pretty diamond
    Wedding = getting married and then hosting a party to thank your guests for witnessing your vows.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    What are you going to wear to the engagement party?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • itzMSitzMS member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:ade1986a-929c-47fe-95d4-ff4427a519a2">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement party invites..question : Just for my understanding and curiousity. Why is throwing one own's engagement party against etiquette? I did not have an engagement party, but FI and I were taken out to dinner and his family had a celebratory dinner for us. So, I am not saying I agree or disagree, but if the OP is not expecting gifts, will provide the food and alcohol why is it wrong?  Please explain :). I just want to know. 
    Posted by colorindark[/QUOTE]

    Throwing a party for yourself is really AWish, mainly. Any time that you will be the guest of honor, you shouldn't throw it for yourself. This includes bachelorette parties, bridal/baby showers, and in some cases birthday parties.

    Texting/FB messaging a bunch of friends and saying "We're meeting up at XYZ restaurant on Thursday for my birthday, stop by if you can" is acceptable
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:ade1986a-929c-47fe-95d4-ff4427a519a2">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement party invites..question : Just for my understanding and curiousity. Why is throwing one own's engagement party against etiquette? I did not have an engagement party, but FI and I were taken out to dinner and his family had a celebratory dinner for us. So, I am not saying I agree or disagree, but if the OP is not expecting gifts, will provide the food and alcohol why is it wrong?  Please explain :). I just want to know. 
    Posted by colorindark[/QUOTE]

    I explained in my post below this one.

    But engagement parties are not gift giving events anyway.  But you shouldn't really throw a party in your honor.  It just comes across as AWish.  If someone wants to throw a party to celebrate your engagement that is fine but throwing one for yourself is a bit much.

    As for birthday parties, it really depends on the type of party.  If you are just going out to the bar and then tell people you are going to be at X and to stop by for a celebratory drink I think that is fine, but sending out invites and doing the whole shabang, in my mind, is a bit AWish.

    I may not be explaining this great because words and my brain are starting to fail me today.  To dang close to the weekend starting so my mind is wandering.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:af32388b-f512-4686-b55f-3aff64e771f5">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]What are you going to wear to the engagement party?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    Oh Addie I <3 you!

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  • BostonGIrl4732BostonGIrl4732 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:af32388b-f512-4686-b55f-3aff64e771f5">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]What are you going to wear to the engagement party?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]<div>
    <img style="-webkit-user-select:none;" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me60ejyqdT1qfsdbdo1_500.gif" alt="" /></div>
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:af32388b-f512-4686-b55f-3aff64e771f5">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]What are you going to wear to the engagement party?
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    White, obviously. So every.damn.person. will know she's the bride, duh.
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:a7904ed9-23f4-45fd-8a40-2f4876062f07">Re: Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement party invites..question : White, obviously. So every.damn.person. will know she's the bride, duh.
    Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

    <div><img class="image" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9601zXueN1ras03no1_500.gif" alt="" width="500" height="207" /></div>
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    In Response to Re:Engagement party invites..question:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement party invites..question:I don't mean to thread jack; but then is hosting your own Birthday party a nono??? I mean isn't that a party in your honor?nbsp; I did not have a eparty so I didn't throw me onenbsp; and am not throwing any other of my prewedding parties nbsp;so don't think I'm agreeing or anything with the op... nbsp;Just a serious question.Posted by ans3fIf it is clear that no gifts are expected, it is alright to host your own birthday party. Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE].

    But people host their own weddings and gifts are expected at weddings too. How is an engagement party any different?
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:336453b3-96fb-4b1b-b9d0-985cc7544320">Re:Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Engagement party invites..question:. But people host their own weddings and gifts are expected at weddings too. How is an engagement party any different?
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>Gifts are not expected at weddings.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
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  • itzMSitzMS member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:336453b3-96fb-4b1b-b9d0-985cc7544320">Re:Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Engagement party invites..question:. But people host their own weddings and gifts are expected at weddings too. How is an engagement party any different?
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    And if you would've noted in one of the PP, it was explained that the reception following a wedding is a thank you to guests for witnessing the vows. Since the reception is for the guests, it's perfectly acceptable for the B and G to host. An E-party, on the other hand, is <em>ALLABOUTYOU</em>, so hosting it yourself is AWish.
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-invitesquestion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77a158a6-fe7a-4478-96e4-22379804d638Post:336453b3-96fb-4b1b-b9d0-985cc7544320">Re:Engagement party invites..question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Engagement party invites..question:. But people host their own weddings and gifts are expected at weddings too. How is an engagement party any different?
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>Weddings/receptions are the way you thank your guests for witnessing your marriage. Engagement parties, much like showers, are in honor of someone and therefore that someone cannot throw their own.</div>
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