Venting

munieca0204 · April 2013

Hello fellow knotties i wanted to come on here and vent

I just came from a food tastignwhich is supposed to be an awesome experience and i went with my fiance the best man and maid of honor which are both my brother and sister.l The reception is at a country club and we went in casual attire jean and my sister wore jean shorts. We were already done with food tasting and ready to go and this man approached us and said to my sister that she can not wear cut off shorts, jean shorts or anything as such. I was so surprised he said this that i responded that we are here for a food tasting and we didnt know that there was a dress code. so he said he was going to go talk to the wedding events director that actually was the one that seated us as was very lovely. I talked to her and she said oh thats the general manager and that he is just trying to keep the dress code enforced. I told her it doesnt matter who he is and that it was very hurtfull and offensive for him to have addressed us like that. I felt Belittled.

Now the wedding/events manager is one of my good friends sister that has hooked it up on the venue and among other things and she was there do to her being on vacation. I was going to write her an email about this situation and call the country club to see who i can speak to someone else other than the general manager.

Any advice guys??

[Deleted User] · April 2013

Country clubs typically tend to have dress codes and heavily authorize them. Yes it sucks the way the general manager approached you about it, and yes the events manager probably should've given you a heads up about the dress code while you were reserving the time to come in for the tasting. As much as it is unfortunate they were in their right to enforce their dress code. At least now you are aware of the appropriate attire. Typically you don't tell guests how to dress for the wedding but seeing as you are having your reception at a country club it's a good idea to state the club's dress code on your website so guests know to dress appropriately.

munieca0204 · April 2013

thanks for your input i just wish the idiot would have addressed it differnlty

Viczaesar · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:08c9fe30-2521-48ec-b341-8238b0303d3f">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks for your input i just wish the idiot would have addressed it differnlty
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]
He's an idiot because he dared to point out that you were breaking their rules?

AddieCake · April 2013

I always assume there is a dress code at a country club and would have dressed in something a little nicer than jean shorts. Ditto Vic. The general manager is certainly not an idiot for enforcing the rules of their establishment. How was it hurtful and offensive for him to say something to you about being inappropriately dressed? There is nothing to email the club about; you will look like a fool if you do.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

I agree with the PP. He was doing his job. How would you have liked him to address it? It did not sound like he was being mean or rude he was just stating a fact. I blame your event coordinator for not informing you of the dress code at the time of booking the venue and while reserving your tasting time.

lyndausvi · April 2013

Your event manager should have told you of the dress code. Actually, I'm surprised she even sat you. Most places would not have not even let you in the room.

Fact is it is a private club. They have dress codes. The GM's job is to enforce the rule and regulations of the club. Guaranteed a member pointed your table out to him. I'm sure he didn't have a choice but to say anything. It's his job.

On another note, am I the only one who thinks going to a country club in jean shorts is just strange? Country clubs are known for being more upscale. I can't wrap my head around someone thinking jean shorts would be appropriate to begin with. Which makes me wonder if you will have problems with the rest of your guests.

Bottom line, sorry you felt belittled but I do not think the GM did anything wrong.

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:07e94a00-95d1-4340-9811-2be3e351f707">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE] On another note, am I the only one who thinks going to a country club in jean shorts is just strange? Country clubs are known for being more upscale. I can't wrap my head around someone thinking jean shorts would be appropriate to being with.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
No, you're not. I can't believe OP didn't think the way they were dressed is the offensive part as opposed to being told they were not appropriately dressed. <div>
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MrsGandthebeag · April 2013

Ditto pp. Why would you ever wear jeans or jean shorts to a country club? Don't contact the club, you'll be the one who looks silly. Take this as a lesson learned.

alithebride · April 2013

oh for crying out loud. ok perhaps he could've handled it better and the other woman should have made you aware of it but it's over, get over it, now you know the rules.

MayberryAfterMidnight · April 2013

It sounds from OP (just guessing here) that the manager was ruder about it than he needed to be, even if he was just doing his job. And he probably embarrassed them, even if that wasn't his fault. Regardless, though, OP - he WAS just doing his job and you were in the wrong, so it's not worth writing the club about it. Ditto PP that the events director should have warned you about this before, but at this point the only thing you can do is move on. On a different note, was the food good at least??

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:69c19c81-d04c-44e3-89cb-4e71a549a4a1">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, every country club I have ever been in had a dress code. Your wedding person should have warned you before the tasting but I don't think the man did anything wrong. He approached you and told you the code. That's his job.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE] there is a way to approach people especially if he is a general manager and the way he did it was not professional

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:2875f7f3-1ab7-405d-b40c-a4aa84537ad5">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : He's an idiot because he dared to point out that you were breaking their rules?
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
thanks girl

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:7206bc1a-5e43-4a91-abab-8dcf5cbedaf2">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]I always assume there is a dress code at a country club and would have dressed in something a little nicer than jean shorts. Ditto Vic. The general manager is certainly not an idiot for enforcing the rules of their establishment. How was it hurtful and offensive for him to say something to you about being inappropriately dressed? There is nothing to email the club about; you will look like a fool if you do.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I understand that there is a dress code now but at the time i didnt he could have quietly addressed us at our table and said it so the we could have heard it not the entire room full of people. I hope this experience happens to you i wouldnt want to wish this on anyone

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:07e94a00-95d1-4340-9811-2be3e351f707">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]Your event manager should have told you of the dress code. Actually, I'm surprised she even sat you. Most places would not have not even let you in the room. Fact is it is a private club. They have dress codes. The GM's job is to enforce the rule and regulations of the club. Guaranteed a member pointed your table out to him. I'm sure he didn't have a choice but to say anything. It's his job. On another note, am I the only one who thinks going to a country club in jean shorts is just strange? Country clubs are known for being more upscale. I can't wrap my head around someone thinking jean shorts would be appropriate to begin with. Which makes me wonder if you will have problems with the rest of your guests. Bottom line, sorry you felt belittled but I do not think the GM did anything wrong.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

It doesnt matter what we were wearing the point is we are spending alot of money at this place and for them to act like that was plain RUDE!!!

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:14bd5df6-d4ed-4ac3-a6aa-ce3c52f720a3">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]oh for crying out loud. ok perhaps he could've handled it better and the other woman should have made you aware of it but it's over, get over it, now you know the rules.
Posted by alithebride[/QUOTE]

All i can say is Karma

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:71692645-8eaa-4c27-8ef9-dfcb8d7d64ed">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds from OP (just guessing here) that the manager was ruder about it than he needed to be, even if he was just doing his job. And he probably embarrassed them, even if that wasn't his fault. Regardless, though, OP - he WAS just doing his job and you were in the wrong, so it's not worth writing the club about it. Ditto PP that the events director should have warned you about this before, but at this point the only thing you can do is move on. On a different note, was the food good at least??
Posted by MayberryAfterMidnight[/QUOTE]

Thanks for being understanding and yes the food was real good

lyndausvi · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:31c212d6-1ab0-4fa2-9fa5-208b11456e1e">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : It doesnt matter what we were wearing the point is we are spending alot of money at this place and for them to act like that was plain RUDE!!!
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, yeah it does. It's a PRIVATE CLUB. They have rules and you were not following them. Plain and simple.</div><div>
</div><div>I suggest finding another venue. Clearly you do not like their rules (which is fine).</div>

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:1b53aa0e-c1e3-4709-950c-c3283a64b6f8">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : I understand that there is a dress code now but at the time i didnt he could have quietly addressed us at our table and said it so the we could have heard it not the entire room full of people. I hope this experience happens to you i wouldnt want to wish this on anyone
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]

You hope this experience happens to me? You wouldn't wish this on anyone? Those contradict each other. It's not likely to happen to me b/c I generally know how to dress appropriately. My wedding was at a country club. I dressed nicely for all my appointments there b/c it was common sense to me.

Good luck with the rest of your planning; I hope you have a lovely wedding!

Ella and Pedro · April 2013

For all our vendor appointments, my fiance and I dressed business casual. Note: there were no dress codes, we just felt that we were having business meetings, so business casual felt appropriate. Working with vendors is a business relationship, OP. You sign contracts, you pay fees, etc.

lyndausvi · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:ec2c37f1-9777-4e95-a932-9390d139fcc1">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : You hope this experience happens to me? You wouldn't wish this on anyone? Those contradict each other. It's not likely to happen to me b/c I generally know how to dress appropriately. My wedding was at a country club. <strong>I dressed nicely for all my appointments there b/c it was common sense to me.</strong> Good luck with the rest of your planning; I hope you have a lovely wedding!
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Word.
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<div>Should we tell her the entire room was filled with members who were talking about their attire anyway? They just left it to the GM to tell her directly.</div></div></div></div>

MayDay513 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:51ba8e8f-7add-4053-ac6f-4451277784fc">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : there is a way to approach people especially if he is a general manager and the way he did it was not professional
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]
It sounds like the way your sister was dressed wasn't professional.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:1b53aa0e-c1e3-4709-950c-c3283a64b6f8">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : I understand that there is a dress code now but at the time i didnt he could have quietly addressed us at our table and said it so the we could have heard it not the entire room full of people. <strong>I hope this experience happens to you i wouldnt want to wish this on anyone
</strong>Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]

lol what?

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:271bc30c-0b82-4100-ac57-096f6a2dacdf">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : Actually, yeah it does. It's a PRIVATE CLUB. They have rules and you were not following them. Plain and simple. I suggest finding another venue. Clearly you do not like their rules (which is fine).
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Regardeless if its a PRIVATE CLUB if the rules werent stated then its RUDE

munieca0204 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:d255cc65-8d8c-4b79-9a5c-3e29a766f26b">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]For all our vendor appointments, my fiance and I dressed business casual. Note: there were no dress codes, we just felt that we were having business meetings, so business casual felt appropriate. Working with vendors is a business relationship, OP. You sign contracts, you pay fees, etc.
Posted by Ella and Pedro[/QUOTE]

right i agree with you but this was pointed towards my sister who is 18 years old

Viczaesar · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:31c212d6-1ab0-4fa2-9fa5-208b11456e1e">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : It doesnt matter what we were wearing the point is we are spending alot of money at this place and for them to act like that was plain RUDE!!!
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]
It doesn't sound like you're mature enough to be getting married at all, much less at a country club.

Viczaesar · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:749ea7aa-ea2f-4ed5-a170-0cfaf226d291">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : right i agree with you but this was pointed towards my sister who is 18 years old
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]
So she's an adult who should know better.

Viczaesar · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:f556181f-7db8-4264-900a-58cf6516c0b7">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : Regardeless if its a PRIVATE CLUB if the rules werent stated then its RUDE
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]
Nope. Try again.

Viczaesar · April 2013

By the way, I bet you 1 kajillion dollars Sterling that the dress code is listed on their website. Not so much "not stated" as "didn't bother to research."

And just because I'm nice, here is the dress code for the Porter Valley Country Club, which you mentioned in a previous post. It's listed on their - wait for it - website. I've even bolded relevant sections for you.

Dress Code

All Members and guests are expected to be neat, well-groomed and wearing clothing appropriate for the activity in which they are participating. Maintaining an environment appropriate for a country club is part of our tradition at Porter Valley. Members and guests should use common sense and err on the side of propriety when considering dress options. We reserve the right to deny access to anyone improperly dressed and appreciate your cooperation.

Please note: Cell phones are not allowed anywhere in the Club or outside patios. Cell phones are permitted in the locker rooms and parking lot.

Clubhouse (country club attire)

Bathing suits, undershirts, t-shirts, tank tops (men), halter-tops, denim, short shorts and athletic wear are not considered proper clubhouse attire.
Bare feet and stocking feet are not permitted in the clubhouse.
Spiked golf shoes are not permitted in the clubhouse at any time.
No baggy clothing (over-length, low crotch baggy trousers or shorts).
Hats and visors must be worn in a forward position.

Dining Room – Pinehurst & Homestead Dining Rooms

Please dress according to proper Country Club Attire.

Ladies – No denim, shorts of any kind or athletic wear.
Gentlemen – No hats, denim, shorts of any kind or athletic wear. Slacks and collared shirts are appropriate, as is resort wear.
Juniors – No denim, shorts or athletic wear.
Proper golf attire permitted at golf-related events only.

Member's Grille

Casual attire is allowed, including denim, golf shoes, golf attire and tennis attire. Swimsuits are not permitted without a cover-up. No tank tops. It is requested that gentlemen remove their hats or caps when seated in the building. On occasions when the Grille is used for full dining service, clubhouse attire is suggested.

Golf

Golf attire and golf shoes are required while playing or practicing. No denim is allowed, regardless of color. Golf shoes must have soft spikes only, year-round.

Ladies – Women’s shirts must have a collar and be tasteful and in accordance with proper golf attire. The shirt can have a collar with no sleeves, sleeves with no collar or sleeves and collar. No tank, halter or crop tops. Shorts and skirts must reach mid-thigh and have a 16-inch outer seam. No short shorts.

Gentlemen – Shirts must have a collar and sleeves. Mock turtleneck shirts are permitted. Turtleneck must be at least 1.5 inches. It is requested that shirts be tucked in. Golf shorts must have a minimum of a 16" outer seam. Hats and visors must be worn in a forward position. No baggy clothing (over-length, low crotch baggy trousers or shorts).

Juniors must comply with golf attire dress code.

Tennis

Proper tennis attire is required when playing or practicing.

Ladies – Please wear dresses or shorts, non-marking tennis shoes and appropriate tops. No halter-tops, denim or stretch pants.

Gentlemen – Please wear a shirt, shorts or slacks and non-marking tennis shoes. No tank tops, denim or graphic t-shirts.

Public Areas – Casual attire is allowed, including denim, golf shoes, golf attire and tennis attire. Public areas of the Club include the lobby, golf and tennis shops, Member’s Grille and patio, tennis patio, pool deck, hallways and the men’s and ladies’ locker rooms.

Denim is allowed in the above-noted area of the Club as long as the denim wear meets the following standards: No holes, rips or tears; no baggy jeans; no visible undergarments; no overalls; and no cutoff jean shorts.

Pool

Appropriate swim attire is required. No cutoffs, denim in the pool or thong-type swimwear.

lyndausvi · April 2013

Chalk it up to lessons learned. I would say most if not nearly all CC have dress codes. Now you and your 18-year old sister knows.

I'm been refused service before for having on flip flops. DH was refused service for wearing a hat one time. NBD, they have rules and we were not following them. At least they still let you continue to stay. They could have refused you entrance and just rescheduled they tasting.

alithebride · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_venting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:d7240b7a-0ab8-4283-9f57-0f0821ef0071Post:9e00f9a6-3f07-4604-bdcd-6c8e3f7dc166">Re: Venting</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting : All i can say is Karma
Posted by munieca0204[/QUOTE]

karma? huh?