Military Brides

Legally married before the wedding?

So my FI and I want to get legally married this year, when he can get leave (summer-ish). We're still planning a proper family wedding for next year, but we really need the separation allowance right now, since I'm struggling to find work and we have to, you know, pay for a wedding.

My mom isn't dead-set against the idea, but she's not too pleased about it. I'm not thrilled, either, since it isn't doing it "right", but I'm really worried about paying for life expenses once my savings runs out (which will, coincidentally, happen this summer), and I'd love to be able to visit him sometime this year (he's in Okinawa), since I haven't seen him since January second and may not be able to until the wedding.

What do you think? Should I convince my mom to go along with it, or is she right? She'd be at the legal wedding and we wouldn't really refer to each other as married until the "actual" wedding. We just could really use the money.
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Re: Legally married before the wedding?

  • This kind of post? I'm not sure what you mean by that. Why do you think she's right, out of curiosity?
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  • Well, for one, 
    " we wouldn't really refer to each other as married until the "actual" wedding."

    -When you're married, you're married. Going through the JOP to get married is an actual marriage/wedding. Many woman on this board have gotten married through the JOP, and consider it their "real wedding." 

    Here's the link to the post above this called "Welcome, Read this first." 


    Check it out. Ultimately, you're going to do what you want to do, so really, it doesn't matter what internet strangers think. But, I'd strongly take into consideration WHY your mom doesn't like this idea of yours. Who would be paying for your Vow Renewal?

  • Sorry, I accidentally deleted my post when I wanted to edit it.

    My religion is fairly strict, and different from more mainstream ones. It doesn't matter than paperwork had already been filed and that, to the law, we would be married. Until the ceremony happened in the church, we wouldn't be considered married by our friends, family, or faith. Also, there aren't vows in the ceremony. In fact, there is not a ceremony that exists for my faith that is related to a vow renewal.

    I have been married before, not by a JOP, but by a friend who was ordained through the Universal Life Church, meaning they can perform weddings legally. While that marriage clearly ended, I was not considered married by anyone else in my life. 

    For the record, my FI and, if I can find work, I are paying for the wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:2f50bdf9-63f6-4a1f-a085-7d397e9a4cd8">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, for one,  "   we wouldn't really refer to each other as married until the "actual" wedding." -When you're married, you're married. Going through the JOP to get married is an actual marriage/wedding. Many woman on this board have gotten married through the JOP, and consider it their "real wedding."  Here's the link to the post above this called "Welcome, Read this first."  <a href="http://militarybrides.weebly.com/real-stories-of-the-jop.html" rel="nofollow">http://militarybrides.weebly.com/real-stories-of-the-jop.html</a> Check it out. Ultimately, you're going to do what you want to do, so really, it doesn't matter what internet strangers think. But, I'd strongly take into consideration WHY your mom doesn't like this idea of yours. Who would be paying for your Vow Renewal?
    Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]

    <div>I dont really know what "This kind of post" means eaither.  I married my husband, who is an officer in October of 2012 and we will be having our vow renewal on June 1 of this year (a large, family and friends wedding) .  A very select group of people know of our marriage in October because that was what my husband and I both agreed upon.  My Mother knew that I would, in time have a "proper" wedding- and she also trusted and had faith in my future husband and his service to our country.  I assumed and embraced immediately my devotion and service to my husband and his career as his wife- we even got married by the same priest that will marry us again in June! </div><div>What I am getting at here is that, getting married "JOP"/ getting "married" before your wedding does not have to mean skulking off somewhere and being quiet about it because it isnt "proper".  You have the right to be private about your life.  I am usually a very private person, and many people find it hard to understand millitary life/ circumstances especially when the lifestyle is new.  I do hope that I am not offending anyone- I have learned so much this past year, and have so much more to learn.  </div><div>So far, this has really worked for my husband and I. I know many couples that have done this, and I can only say that there is no "one size fits all" for all millitary couples.  The only thing that matters is that you are taking care of each other and fulfilling each other! </div><div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:2158a715-c72f-49c1-9597-dc1f04a002ee">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Legally married before the wedding? : I dont really know what "This kind of post" means eaither.  I married my husband, who is an officer in October of 2012 and we will be having our vow renewal on June 1 of this year (a large, family and friends wedding) .  A very select group of people know of our marriage in October because that was what my husband and I both agreed upon.  My Mother knew that I would, in time have a "proper" wedding- and she also trusted and had faith in my future husband and his service to our country.  I assumed and embraced immediately my devotion and service to my husband and his career as his wife- we even got married by the same priest that will marry us again in June!  What I am getting at here is that, getting married "JOP"/ getting "married" before your wedding does not have to mean skulking off somewhere and being quiet about it because it isnt "proper".  You have the right to be private about your life.  I am usually a very private person, and many people find it hard to understand millitary life/ circumstances especially when the lifestyle is new.  I do hope that I am not offending anyone- I have learned so much this past year, and have so much more to learn.   So far, this has really worked for my husband and I. I know many couples that have done this, and I can only say that there is no "one size fits all" for all millitary couples.  The only thing that matters is that you are taking care of each other and fulfilling each other! 
    Posted by Katharine Lohan[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>One more thing.....you are arent 100 percent crazy about the idea....you dont have to do it! Only do it if you truley want to.  I wanted to marry my husband 100 percent- regardless if 1 person or 1,000 people know: the same responsibility is there: youre married! </div><div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:2158a715-c72f-49c1-9597-dc1f04a002ee">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Legally married before the wedding? : I dont really know what "This kind of post" means eaither.  I married my husband, who is an officer in October of 2012 and we will be having our vow renewal on June 1 of this year (a large, family and friends wedding) .  A very select group of people know of our marriage in October because that was what my husband and I both agreed upon.  My Mother knew that I would, in time have a "proper" wedding- and she also trusted and had faith in my future husband and his service to our country.  I assumed and embraced immediately my devotion and service to my husband and his career as his wife- we even got married by the same priest that will marry us again in June!  What I am getting at here is that, getting married "JOP"/ getting "married" before your wedding does not have to mean skulking off somewhere and being quiet about it because it isnt "proper".  You have the right to be private about your life.  I am usually a very private person, and many people find it hard to understand millitary life/ circumstances especially when the lifestyle is new.  I do hope that I am not offending anyone- I have learned so much this past year, and have so much more to learn.   So far, this has really worked for my husband and I. I know many couples that have done this, and I can only say that there is no "one size fits all" for all millitary couples.  The only thing that matters is that you are taking care of each other and fulfilling each other! 
    Posted by Katharine Lohan[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>One more thing.....you are arent 100 percent crazy about the idea....you dont have to do it! Only do it if you truley want to.  I wanted to marry my husband 100 percent- regardless if 1 person or 1,000 people know: the same responsibility is there: youre married! </div><div>
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  • Oh, don't worry, Katharine! You didn't come off as offensive at all. That is precisely what we'd end up doing- only letting the "important" folks know (the closest friends, immediate family, my priest, etc). We wouldn't be skulking, per se (and oh please tell me you've seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", because that's all I can think of right now).

    I'm not as conservative as my family. My FI and I have lived together, which they don't know about (it was a group living situation, and it was pretty easy to just say that I lived in the room next door with another girl and avoid that whole drama).

    At first I thought the first "marriage" was what my mom was spooked about (which is what happens when you marry someone who neither shares nor respects your faith. This will come as a shock, I'm sure, but he didn't respect a whole lot else in my life), but she's sworn that's not it. I really don't know why my mom is against it, other than "it isn't the proper way".

    Which is true, but I am far and away my family's biggest disappointment. XD
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  • edited April 2013
    Is he stationed in Oki?

    You don't get separation pay if the spouse chooses not to accompany. Only if it's a duty assignment where spouses can't follow on. 

    ETA: He also won't rate FSA if he's already there when you get married. Again: You rate FSA if he's on a temporary assignment for 30 or more days where you can't follow on. Choosing not to follow on to a place you can go to does not rate FSA. 

    Plus: Once you get married, he's not allowed to live in the barracks. He'll have to live either out in town (which will require you guys paying rent, so say goodbye to the BAH. Same with if they force him into housing...) or in geo bachelor housing, which will eat up extra money because you won't be getting FSA and still have to pay a portion of BAH to. 

    You're better off waiting, pounding the pavement and finding a job that will pay you way more than 250 dollars a month, even if it's full time minimum wage, if you really need the 250 extra that bad. 

    Long story short: Listen to your mom. She's right. Just wait. You won't rate the FSA anyway and it's a lot of work for something you won't even actually get. You can still visit him without being married. 
    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
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  • In Response to Re:Legally married before the wedding?:[QUOTE]Um, we're getting married because I want him as a partner for the rest of my life, and he me.nbsp;And maybe you missed the part where my religion does not have vow renewals, and that the marriage would not be considered valid to our families until the church wedding ceremony.But thank you so much for you exceedingly helpful judgement on my character. Posted by lyssabee[/QUOTE]

    I don't care if you're Catholic. Have a great spiritual ceremony. It's still a vow renewal and you're still a liar if every single attending guest doesn't know you're already legally married.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • Interestingly enough, I'm not Catholic. Try again.

    And the only place I've hesitated to apply to is McDonalds at this point, and that's only because the homeless people the police refuse to allow on the streets end up there instead of the psych ward for some reason.
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  • Trust me when I say I know that it's rough out there. 

    But there will be SOMETHING. Just keep applying. Call in favors from friends and family. It's seriously better than this plan. By lightyears. This plan will probably end up costing you money. 
    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
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  • I appreciate that you're trying to help, but I've been at this for years. Plural. Either I am in the worst job market that exists or I am simply unemployable.
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  • Then I don't know what to tell you. 

    Just move the actual wedding up instead. I'm telling you, you won't rate the FSA. That's not how it works. This idea that you'll rate it is incorrect. 

    Or apply at McDonald's. Or apply to all the same places again. 
    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
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  • edited April 2013
    Right...

    So that's why I'm saying just move the wedding up. And if you can't live out in town and collect BAH for that (because I do know that you have to be approved, and with the way relations have been out there between the US and Japan and their stance on having Marines there, wouldn't be likely), you would, presumably, have to live in either base housing or geo bach housing. Base housing gets 100% of your BAH. Geo bach gets a good chunk. But you would HAVE to be married. You can't just be engaged and rate dependent BAH and live out in town as a single Marine. Especially in Oki. And if you're married, you can't stay in the barracks. You can try to surf from barracks room to barracks room under the radar, but if you get caught, you're going to get in trouble for scamming the BAH. 

    So... the best solution, without having to hide the fact that you're married from basically everyone, is to just hold the actual wedding over the summer when you would plan on JOPing it. 


    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
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  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited April 2013
    Look Marine, you need to get yourself to the MCCS financial counselors and figure out a different way. 

     I'm glad you agree that marriage fraud is unconscionable, but it would be 100% inappropriate and NOT ductus exemplo of you to counsel your Marines to get married for financial reasons. Marriage for financial reasons is bad for the Marine, it's bad for the dependent, it's sure as hell bad for the command that has to deal with the inevitable problems that come with those marriages, it's bad for the Marine Corps, and it wastes the DOD's money. I don't know what your MOS is, but I'd rather you have the people and equipment you need than have every single girlfriend of every Marine "taking advantage of a government program". BAH is not a trick, it's not a government program to play. It's an allowance for service members to live on the economy. 

    Neither I nor the government cares what religion you are. I don't care about anything besides people misrepresenting to their friends and family because misrepresentation IS lying, which is dishonorable. If you are legally married, you're legally married. If you want to worry about blasphemy and not calling yourselves married, then WAIT. You're not the only Orthodox couple in the world, in the military, or in the Marine Corps. What do you think civilians who can't find a job do? They figure it out. Or they post on CL looking for a jar to marry. I graduated with a niche degree and couldn't find work initially, and when I did, it sure as heck wasn't in my field. But I didn't get married for the BAH. I took that job not in my field, I saved up for the wedding I wanted, the one that was legal and religious all at the same time, and I handled myself like an adult. And my husband handled himself like a leader. And lead by example. When we went to all the command directed premarital meetings, we were told over and over how well prepared we were, financially, mentally, emotionally. There was no talk of anyithing like you two are discussing. Because we were adults. 

    Sometimes I wish they would do away with BAH. 
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • We could announce that we're married to the entire universe and it wouldn't change anything. We still wouldn't be considered married.

    And unfortunately we can't move the wedding up. Orthodox weddings take more than a couple of months to plan, and that's just the way that is.
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  • I wasn't aware that being Geographic Bachelor entitled me to less than full BAH for my Spouse's residence.  I read the order, and it didn't seem to say anythign to that effect, could you cite regulation to that effect?
    I'm also confused because you seem to suggest that geo bachelor housing is something other than barracks housing. 

    It is my intention to remain in my BOQ room, since unaccompanied officers below the rank of O-4 do not rate off base or family housing, marry my beloved, and then get dependent BAH to help pay for her costs.
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  • Anyway...

    I'm going to bed. 

    I wish you luck. Don't make a rash decision that would force you to hide things from family and/or friends. Weigh your options. Make sacrifices if you must. Hold a smaller wedding and DIY as much as you can. I see you're orthodox. I was baptized orthodox as a child. I know how strict it is. And I understand wanting to follow it. *I* would personally rather just move the wedding up instead of doing the JOP thing, pretending I'm not married, and then having the big church wedding. Sacrifices may have to happen. There's still plenty of time to plan for a summer wedding. I know people who have planned in much less time. 

    Ultimately, I know you're going to do whatever you guys want, but you asked for opinions, and there's mine. 
    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
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  • I didn't say it entitled you to less than your BAH amount. I said you will have to pay some of your BAH to geo bach housing. And yes, it is essentially barracks housing. But you still have to pay to live in it. 

    You cannot stay in the barracks if you're married. And if your intention is to request her to come to Oki, you will no longer be unaccompanied and will rate base housing. 
    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
    PersonalMilestone
  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited April 2013
    KC does not suggest that geo bachelors all live together like Saved by the Bell the College Years. She is saying that you will have to pay for your barracks room. 

    As a religious person, I find it strange that you cannot understand that you will be married after a civil ceremony. Perhaps not in the eyes of God, but you will be married here on Earth. Considering all the legal ramifications of a civil marriage, like your "government program to take advantage of" BAH, hell, like the two cases before SCOTUS right now, how can you just ignore civil marriage? Legal marriage matters, and it's immature and naive to pretend it doesn't. 

    I think it's really, really sad that you as an officer, as a leader of Marines, can't find a way that's not gaming the system. You can't budget differently to help your "beloved" without gaming the system? I know guys who spent 4 years in Okinawa and didn't go out to bars, didn't spend money on anything, and came back with a lot of money. She can't find a job outside her field so you're not setting a gaming the system example? Military spouses work outside their field all the time. It's just part of the life. If I hadn't found the professional job I had, I would have worked retail again. I'm not too good to work a job that's beneath my education. But I am too good to game the system. I'm too good to game the Marine Corps, because I value it more than I value my own comfort, and I am definitely too good to game America. I think you two probably are too. The other poster had no issue lying to people about her legal marital status. 

    Go see the MCCS financial counselors. MH has sent his Marines there time and time again. They're awesome, they could really help you out with a plan to help your fiancee AND help you contribute to your TSP at the same time. 

    Good luck to you both, but I sincerely hope you find a different way. 
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • You are entitled to your opinion ma'am, but I must respectfully disagree with you.

    You do seem to be labroing under the impression that I would counsel a Marine to get married for financial reasons.  I would not.  i merely said I would counsel them to get married to the people they love sooner rather than later.  I don't see any practical purpose in waiting, if they're already committed and love one another, as my fiance and I are. 

    I think our essential disconnet on the lying front is that you seem to only recognize one state of marriage.  Perhaps if we used seperate words.  Let's call legal marriage "marriage" and for the sake of clarity, and to help avoid conflation we'll call the ceremony in the church "blarriage".  Being married and being blarried are not related ideas, and the states are completely independent of one another.
    Currently we are neither married nor blarried.  We could get blarried tomorrow but not sign paperwork for the government and not be married.  Or we could, as we are suggesting, sign paperwork, be married, but not be blarried.  Eventually, it would be important for us to be blarried as well. 

    We would tell people we were married, but we would tell people that we were not blarried, because that is the case.  Blarriage requires a ceremony in an Orthodox Church, which we had not performed.

    You're getting confused because of the fact that both are called marriage.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:aea0eff4-20ca-4bd1-8f1e-eb22b06ad612">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't say it entitled you to less than your BAH amount. I said you will have to pay some of your BAH to geo bach housing. And yes, it is essentially barracks housing. But you still have to pay to live in it.  You cannot stay in the barracks if you're married. And if your intention is to request her to come to Oki, you will no longer be unaccompanied and will rate base housing. 
    Posted by Killer Cupcake[/QUOTE]

    It is not my intention to have her come.  It is my intention to serve out my unaccompanied tour.  I will look into that, I have never heard of an officer paying to live in the BOQ, whether he's a geo bachelor or a regular bachelor.  I'll ask around though.
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  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:dfe8e3dd-3390-4b3d-bdcc-a8d5ec1f0692">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Legally married before the wedding? : It is not my intention to have her come.  It is my intention to serve out my unaccompanied tour.  I will look into that, I have never heard of an officer paying to live in the BOQ, whether he's a geo bachelor or a regular bachelor.  I'll ask around though.
    Posted by lyssabee[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay. Granted. She's not following you out there. But, you will still have to say "Hey guys, I'm married now." And then all of the rules of being a married Marine apply to you. This isn't a TDY. You're stationed there, right? Your decision to not bring her along doesn't mean that the Corps will treat you as if you're not married. You're married. You're now just a geo bachelor by choice. </div><div>
    </div><div>This isn't an O/E thing. It's a Corps thing. If you're married, you do not rate staying in the barracks. You will rate BAH with dependents, and you will not be allowed to stay in the barracks anymore as if you were still a single Marine. Because they need those rooms for single Marines. That's why they have geo bach and base housing. You would need to be housed elsewhere. And geo bachelor housing is where you would be placed, and they DO charge for it. Everywhere. I know. I've been through this with my husband at three different duty stations. It's a pain. You can't live somewhere for free. </div>
    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
    PersonalMilestone
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:7db12162-4058-4eb3-aab6-2be1ed303b9d">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are entitled to your opinion ma'am, but I must respectfully disagree with you. You do seem to be labroing under the impression that I would counsel a Marine to get married for financial reasons.  I would not.  i merely said I would counsel them to get married to the people they love sooner rather than later.  I don't see any practical purpose in waiting, if they're already committed and love one another, as my fiance and I are.  I think our essential disconnet on the lying front is that you seem to only recognize one state of marriage.  Perhaps if we used seperate words.  Let's call legal marriage "marriage" and for the sake of clarity, and to help avoid conflation we'll call the ceremony in the church "blarriage".  Being married and being blarried are not related ideas, and the states are completely independent of one another. Currently we are neither married nor blarried.  We could get blarried tomorrow but not sign paperwork for the government and not be married.  Or we could, as we are suggesting, sign paperwork, be married, but not be blarried.  Eventually, it would be important for us to be blarried as well.  We would tell people we were married, but we would tell people that we were not blarried, because that is the case.  Blarriage requires a ceremony in an Orthodox Church, which we had not performed. You're getting confused because of the fact that both are called marriage.
    Posted by lyssabee[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>No, I am religious also. I understand what you are saying. You just seem to live in a strange world where the government doesn't own you and your entire life isn't dictated by the government. I don't know what OSO sold you that, but your life sounds fun. </div><div>
    </div><div>I can't believe I have to say this, but PLEASE DO NOT COUNSEL YOUR MARINES TO GET MARRIED SOONER THAN LATER. Can you really, as someone who at least went to college, not understand why a bunch of <25 year olds shouldn't rush into getting married? You really think every Marine oughta marry his girlfriend on boot camp leave?! Because everyone thinks their girlfriend is their "beloved" on boot leave because their girlfriend isn't wearing a campaign cover. You think every Marine should marry every girl they meet in Oceanside, or Jacksonville, or Pensacola, or Quantico, or God Forbid Iwakuni or Okinawa? Just because they think they're their "beloved"?! I am so horrified by that I can't even say, and I met MH in one of those places. Should people just get married before deployments too? Please just counsel them to change their RED around before you counsel them to marry ASAP. Does your command not require a premarital checklist for all ranks? How are you going to get that done? That was almost more than my religious premarital counseling. 

    </div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:4fcf2c85-1884-47b9-aafc-3b773101664d">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Legally married before the wedding? : Okay. Granted. She's not following you out there. But, you will still have to say "Hey guys, I'm married now." And then all of the rules of being a married Marine apply to you. This isn't a TDY. You're stationed there, right? Your decision to not bring her along doesn't mean that the Corps will treat you as if you're not married. You're married. You're now just a geo bachelor by choice.  This isn't an O/E thing. It's a Corps thing. If you're married, you do not rate staying in the barracks. You will rate BAH with dependents, and you will not be allowed to stay in the barracks anymore as if you were still a single Marine. Because they need those rooms for single Marines. That's why they have geo bach and base housing. You would need to be housed elsewhere. And geo bachelor housing is where you would be placed, and they DO charge for it. Everywhere. I know. I've been through this with my husband at three different duty stations. It's a pain. 
    Posted by Killer Cupcake[/QUOTE]

    Tracking, but here's my disconnect:
    I am not, strictly speaking, choosing, to be unaccompanied.  I recieved unaccompanied orders as a single Marine.  I have in fact been informed that simply getting married does not entitle me to a tour conversion.  One of my Marines got married here on Oki, but we had to put in a package to get her off base with her husband (also a Marine).  If we hadn't submitted that package, they'd both still be in the BEQ.
    As far as being allowed to be in the barracks, I don't see how they could kick me out, seeing as I'm not rated to live out in town.  If they did force me off base, would I receive OHA or just BAH?  Either way, I'll peruse the directives and have a chat with my S-1 about it. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_legally-married-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:25681a03-50cf-4307-a9ea-33844eb26cf0Post:14edf6d8-0fda-45ce-9f1f-621d8b899422">Re: Legally married before the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Legally married before the wedding? : Tracking, but here's my disconnect: I am not, strictly speaking, choosing, to be unaccompanied.  I recieved unaccompanied orders as a single Marine.  I have in fact been informed that simply getting married does not entitle me to a tour conversion.  One of my Marines got married here on Oki, but we had to put in a package to get her off base with her husband (also a Marine).  If we hadn't submitted that package, they'd both still be in the BEQ. As far as being allowed to be in the barracks, I don't see how they could kick me out, seeing as I'm not rated to live out in town.  If they did force me off base, would I receive OHA or just BAH?  Either way, I'll peruse the directives and have a chat with my S-1 about it. 
    Posted by lyssabee[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't think they'd both still be in BEQ. I think they'd be required to live in on base housing. Everyone has to apply to live off base when OCONUS. This isn't because they were married. It's because they wanted to live off base. </div><div>
    </div><div>And you are absolutely right: getting married does not entitle you to a tour conversion. They can grant that to you or not. But you would either be receiving BAH for Oki or where your FI is living. Either way, you will need to pay to live in BEQ or Geo Bach, or where ever they place you, as a married Marine. If you weren't married and requested to live out in town, you would rate BAH at the single rate, correct? It's the same thing now. It's just that the Marine Corps is housing you in the barracks instead of giving you the money. </div><div>
    </div><div>Again: No free places to live. </div><div>
    </div><div>If you were forced off base (which I don't see happening), you WOULD likely rate all of the allowances due to you. But I wouldn't count on those as a source of income. You very well could be paying that all out again. That's why they're there. To pay the bills required to live out in town in a foreign country. </div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: I'm also pretty sure decisions to be allowed to live out in town are also weighed against budget restraints on the military. Because it's REALLY expensive to live out in town OCONUS. And right now, I wouldn't expect that to be granted. I WOULD expect to be placed in Geo Bach or BEQ (and have to pay for it, because getting married is a choice...). </div>
    5/100
    "So if you decide to date the guy from Applebees instead will your new SN be "mypearlshisapron?" Your new sig can be "putting the ho in nachos.""- DNBeach12
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