Reception only invites???

JakesPrincessxoxo · April 2013

Hi ladies! I'm new to the site and would love to get some advice. My fiancé and I got married at the courthouse a few months ago but we still want to have a real wedding this summer since he got a new job and we'll finally be able to afford it. Since there obviously won't be a "ceremony" to invite people to, how exactly do we word a reception only invitation?

beachbum7212 · April 2013

Oh sweetheart you should have taken a few minutes to lurk before posting here. I'll let the experts handle this. Good luck.

Viczaesar · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:dee28e38-634d-40a0-a64d-647a4cbd5f44">Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies! I'm new to the site and would love to get some advice. My fiancé and I got married at the courthouse a few months ago but we still want to have a real wedding this summer since he got a new job and we'll finally be able to afford it. Since there obviously won't be a "ceremony" to invite people to, how exactly do we word a reception only invitation?
Posted by JakesPrincessxoxo[/QUOTE]

You already had a real wedding. Anything this summer won't be a wedding or a reception. Just throw a party to celebrate your marriage and don't dress it up like a wedding (attendants, big white dress, etc.).

[Deleted User] · April 2013

That ship has sailed. You are married, congratulations! Would you like to celebrate with your loved ones? That's awesome, but don't treat it like a wedding reception. No fluffy white dress, no fake ceremony, no first dance, wedding party, etc. You can have it catered, hire a DJ and just relax and have a great time. The idea you're thinking of is degrading and insulting to those couples that get married in city hall. Though you may not mean it, your idea is claiming that any marriages in city hall don't count unless there's the huge party with lots of guests. My sister and BIL got married in city hall last year. It was intimate and beautiful and they didn't need a giant party later to authorize their marriage.

s-aries8990 · April 2013

Ditto PP's. You already had the REAL wedding; don't dismiss it as "just a courthouse" wedding, because those weddings are just as valid and important as any other wedding.

Unfortunately you made your decision to get married at the courthouse, and the consequences of that are: Being married!!!!!, sharing health insurance, POA/HCP, getting to be Mrs. X, sharing any military benefits, not being able to have a Pretty Princess Day re-do, no showers, no bachelorette party, no bridal party, no big fluffy dress at a later time.

With every decision there are consequences, some good some bad. You have a lot of good consequences from getting married in the courthouse, but you don't get a PPD re-do.

Have an awesome party, wear a killer dress (but NOT a white wedding dress), and hang with your friends. Can you do an anniversary party at the 1 or 5 year mark?

AddieCake · April 2013

Are you going to wear your hair up or down for the reception?

AdeleDazeem · April 2013

What - exactly - about your courthouse wedding was not real? You're now reaping tax benefits, next of kin status, and have every right to join on each other's health insurance (if you'd like), among thousands of other benefits. The state and country recognize you and your husband as married. You can't get more real than that.

If you'd like a party to celebrate your marriage, throw yourselves a great party. Invite all your friends and family!! But, don't wear a wedding dress, do a first dance, cut cake, etc. This isn't a reception (you aren't recieving guests who witnesses your wedding) and you aren't a bride.

thejucheidea · April 2013

Oh this is going to go well as soon as people start getting on the boards today.

I'm looking forward to this.

happyfor25 · April 2013

First, congratulations on your marriage!

With that said, you are married and had a real wedding at the courthouse. If you would like to celebrate your marriage with family and friends, you could invite them to a party. You should scale it back...wear a lovely gown/cocktail dress, have it catered, serve alcohol (if you desire), hire DJ, even have a cake (just not one that appears to be a wedding cake). You should not plan to have ANY pre-wedding parties, NO attendants, no big entrance.

I think so many people have come to think of the reception as "the wedding", we've lost sight of the importance of the actual exchange of vows where two people commit your lives to one another.

Edited for spelling

You've already done the important part, just have a great party to celebrate your love with family and friends.

ally91 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:4dc96480-298b-42df-bbf1-df921be8556f">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you going to wear your hair up or down for the reception?
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

HA!

Sierra524 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:dee28e38-634d-40a0-a64d-647a4cbd5f44">Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies! I'm new to the site and would love to get some advice. My fiancé and I got married at the courthouse a few months ago but we still want to have a real wedding this summer since he got a new job and we'll finally be able to afford it. Since there obviously won't be a "ceremony" to invite people to, how exactly do we word a reception only invitation?
Posted by JakesPrincessxoxo[/QUOTE]

What exactly about your courthouse wedding is not real?! You're married right? Then it was real. You can throw an awesome party to celebrate being married, but its not a reception. A reception is to thank your guests for wanting to spend your wedding day with you. You are already a wife, not a bride. Therefore, you dont get to wear the wedding dress, have a wedding cake, do a first dance, have a wedding party or anything else wedding related.

Peaseblossom55 · April 2013

Sorry you already had your real wedding....

Salsera29 · April 2013

OP...please understand that nobody is attacking you or your character. Nobody is saying that you are a bad person. What you have suggested is not a good idea because as PPs have said, you had your wedding already.

Kate61487 · April 2013

Mr & Mrs Jakes Princess
invite you to join in a celebration of their marriage

X day
X time
Location

or something with 'anniversary' if that's appropriate / the timing works out right. Just don't use the word wedding anywhere on your invitation. Because it's not. You already had one of those.

And I just have to add: you can "finally afford it"?? really. A whole "few months" later you can FINALLY afford it? Was it really worth not waiting a few extra months to have the wedding you wanted?

ETA: changed format b/c I hadn't written your names like you're married. brain fart.

AroundTheBlock · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:dee28e38-634d-40a0-a64d-647a4cbd5f44">Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies! I'm new to the site and would love to get some advice. My fiancé and I got married at the courthouse a few months ago but we still want to have a real wedding this summer since he got a new job and we'll finally be able to afford it. Since there obviously won't be a "ceremony" to invite people to, how exactly do we word a reception only invitation?
Posted by JakesPrincessxoxo[/QUOTE]

Hello, JakesPrincess! Welcome to the board.

What kind of a party are you planning? A "reception" technically is a stand-up afternoon party where light refreshments are served and where the principle entertainment is conversation and social mingling. Receptions are traditionally held after ceremonial events like citizenship ceremonies, ceremonial openings of shows or businesses, and church services -- so much so that the term is used (incorrectly) ifor any event immediately following a wedding, regardless of the time of day or type of food and entertainment. In your case though, since you won't be inviting people to the "wedding", you have to actually say what kind of event it is.

If it is going to be formal, then you use the kind of invitations usually associated with weddings where you refer to both the hosts and the guests in the third person:

Mr and Mrs Jake Prince
request the pleasure of the company of
<write "Mr and Mrs Guest" in a blank line left by the printshop />
to a reception <or "to dinner" or "to an evening of dancing" />
on Saturday the fourteenth of July at two o'clock
at the First Avenue Veteran's Club

If it is going to be an informal party, then you use natural wording as though you were writing a note -- in fact, most properly informal written invitations are extended through a hand-written note:

Dear Susan and Tom,

Jake and I are having some people over for dancing on the evening of Saturday July 14th. We are hoping that you will be able to join us. The party starts at eiight o'clock in the evening and there will be a light supper at midnight.

Love, Princess

You don't mention the wedding because nice people don't mention events to folk who weren't invited to that event, and because good manners prevent you from throwing a party in your own honour. Your guests will know that you are newlyweds, and they will still be excited to talk to you about it. And you will still be at the centre of everything that's going on because the host and hostess are -- it's unavoidable. Also, if you want to have a "first dance" that is in fact a proper thing for the host and hostess to do -- it is referred to as "openning the floor" and at a formal dance the host and hostess always dance the first few measures of the evening before being joined on the floor by their guests of honour, and then by other guests.

s-aries8990 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:f2773579-8e82-43f0-ab8f-d1da96528735">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE] A "reception" technically is a stand-up afternoon party where light refreshments are served and where the principle entertainment is conversation and social mingling. Receptions are traditionally held after ceremonial events like citizenship ceremonies, ceremonial openings of shows or businesses, and church services -- so much so that the term is used (incorrectly) ifor any event immediately following a wedding, regardless of the time of day or type of food and entertainment.

If it is going to be an informal party, then you use natural wording as though you were writing a note -- in fact, most properly informal written invitations are extended through a hand-written note: Dear Susan and Tom, Jake and I are having some people over for dancing on the evening of Saturday July 14th. We are hoping that you will be able to join us. The party starts at eiight o'clock in the evening and there will be a light supper at midnight.

Also, if you want to have a "first dance" that is in fact a proper thing for the host and hostess to do -- it is referred to as "openning the floor" and at a formal dance the host and hostess always dance the first few measures of the evening before being joined on the floor by their guests of honour, and then by other guests.
Posted by AroundTheBlock[/QUOTE]

First, to the bolded - the ONLY place I saw that definition after a google search of twenty definitions was on a Business Dictionary website. A reception is a social function to provide a welcome or greeting after an event (consensus definition). They ARE held after civic events and artistic showings as a way for those involved to greet attendees - there is no mention of food, seating, or entertainment.

This event would NOT be a reception, but not because it's a sit down dinner, but because it's not directly after an event with attendees or where a large number of invitees were unable to attend (destination wedding).

An informal party can STILL use invitations - there isn't anything wrong with using pre-printed invitations. It's not incorrect.

The only thing I agree with is the spotlight dance. I've never seen a problem with it.

AdeleDazeem · April 2013

Aroundtheblock - reception stems from the word "receive." In a wedding, a reception is when a newly married couple formally receives the guests from their wedding. It is a thank you party for them coming to witness their marriage and a time for celebration. Your defintion is ...off.

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:08ae86bb-80cb-4329-bf12-06a525210c69">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]OP...please understand that nobody is attacking you or your character. Nobody is saying that you are a bad person.
Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]
Hahaha! Let's all just add this to our siggies as a "disclaimer."

[Deleted User] · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:3878b198-1eb7-4228-8f09-61fcddff9387">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]First, congratulations on your marriage! With that said, you are married and had a real wedding at the courthouse. If you would like to celebrate your marriage with family and friends, you could invite them to a party. You should scale it back...wear a lovely gown/cocktail dress, have it catered, serve alcohol (if you desire), hire DJ, even have a cake (just not one that appears to be a wedding cake). You should not plan to have ANY pre-wedding parties, NO attendants, no big entrance. I think so many people have come to think of the reception as "the wedding", we've lost sight of the importance of the actual exchange of vows where two people commit your lives to one another. Edited for spelling You've already done the important part, just have a great party to celebrate your love with family and friends.
Posted by happyfor25[/QUOTE]

I don't think this could have been said better or nicer either. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

FizzySips · April 2013

You've scared the OP away....! I want to know what she thinks!!

JakesPrincessxoxo · April 2013

I didn't mean to offend anybody. I realize we had our real wedding technically, but he got a new job with a huge pay increase from the last, so yes just a few months later we'll finally be able to afford the wedding we want. I'm not going to wear a big poofy white dress, maybe just a little white sun dress. I'm just very bummed out I wish we knew he was going to get this job offer before we decided to go to the courthouse. Thanks to those of you who helped with the wording of the invites, as that's what I came here to ask.

beachbum7212 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:902a591a-c9a1-4c78-8e87-98d16babb7a5">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception only invites??? : I think a little white sundress would be cute. I understand you being bummed about how if you had waited a few more months it turns out you would have been able to have the big wedding you wanted. Just to offer some perspective though, the economy is really rough right now so maybe try to focus on being happy about your newfound financial security (that so many people are lacking) instead of getting bogged down by the timing. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be a little disappointed but overall this is a GOOD thing that happened. It might help if you try to focus on that.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

This. OP, you two are very lucky to be financially stable in this day and age, focus on your marriage, not the party you never got to throw. I'm sure your friends and family would love to celebrate with you this summer, just don't call it a wedding reception.

misshart00 · April 2013

I agree with PP. Have an awesome party with great food and music. Celebrate that you got married. And celebrate your husband's new job. He is your husband now, not your fiance.

KatWAG · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:5ad6c87e-f0b1-4eb9-a606-0d7e4e1c89be">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't mean to offend anybody. I realize we had our real wedding technically, but he got a new job with a huge pay increase from the last, so yes just a few months later we'll finally be able to afford the wedding we want. I'm not going to wear a big poofy white dress, maybe just a little white sun dress. I'm just very bummed out I wish we knew he was going to get this job offer before we decided to go to the courthouse. Thanks to those of you who helped with the wording of the invites, as that's what I came here to ask.
Posted by JakesPrincessxoxo[/QUOTE]

Funny, because over on A&A you ask about buying wedding dresses online.

mandi195 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:616d733f-4f10-4da6-a2b5-775af9a60256">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception only invites??? : Funny, because over on A&A you ask about buying wedding dresses online.
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]
I was thinking the same thing!<div>
</div>

JakesPrincessxoxo · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:616d733f-4f10-4da6-a2b5-775af9a60256">Re: Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception only invites??? : Funny, because over on A&A you ask about buying wedding dresses online.
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

I posted that last night. Before the great ladies here pointed out what I want to do is wrong. So thanks anyway for reminding me what I asked...

[Deleted User] · April 2013

I just wanted to say thank you for sticking around the listening to our advice. Too many times to count people come on here unaware that what they're planning is rude, then get defensive about their plans which reveals that they didn't want our opinions after all, just approval. I'm happy that you and your husband are more finacially secure, that's something FI and I are working on. I bet your party is going to be awesome!

emilykathleen511 · April 2013

I mostly agree with previous posters, but I disagree with no first dance. If you've never actually had a dance together as husband and wife, then it /would/ be your "first dance" and I think it would be fine to start the dance portion with the two of you. I would skip parent dances though.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

Please enlighten us as to what was fake about your courthouse marriage, and how everyone who had a courthouse wedding didn't have a REAL wedding. Please also explain what is fake about the over 1,500 legal rights you now hve access to. Lastly, please explain why a floofy whit dress makes your marriage more REAL than the right to stay by your husbands side in the hospital, or decide if he lives or dies if he's in a coma. I'm all ears over here.

emilykathleen511 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-invites-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21959b92-87c3-42ae-a37d-627e552cc7caPost:564bffbf-7d2e-4ce6-97fd-6362bb1a9c7a">Re:Reception only invites???</a>:
[QUOTE]Please enlighten us as to what was fake about your courthouse marriage, and how everyone who had a courthouse wedding didn't have a REAL wedding. Please also explain what is fake about the over 1,500 legal rights you now hve access to. Lastly, please explain why a floofy whit dress makes your marriage more REAL than the right to stay by your husbands side in the hospital, or decide if he lives or dies if he's in a coma. I'm all ears over here.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Whoa. The OP was actually taking the advice people were giving her. I think your response is a bit harsh considering that.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

In Response to Re:Reception only invites???:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Reception only invites???:Please enlighten us as to what was fake about your courthouse marriage, and how everyone who had a courthouse wedding didn't have a REAL wedding. Please also explain what is fake about the over 1,500 legal rights you now hve access to. Lastly, please explain why a floofy whit dress makes your marriage more REAL than the right to stay by your husbands side in the hospital, or decide if he lives or dies if he's in a coma. I'm all ears over here.Posted by PeledreamsofrainWhoa. The OP was actually taking the advice people were giving her. I think your response is a bit harsh considering that. Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

Not if she's still referring to herself as 'technically married'. It's extremely offensive to people who had courthouse weddings, or don't have access to all these 'technical' rights. Perspective is seriously out of whack if a party is the most official element of being married.

Reception only invites???

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