Rehersal Dinner RSVP Date

Sjmiller418 · April 2013

How far in advance is the rsvp usually made for a rehearsal dinner? We are having it at el toritos and FMIL said they needed numbers about a week before to determine which room we would be using and for food.

Would making the rsvp for the dinner due the same time as the wedding invites(a month before because the caterer needs numbers at 3 weeks out) be acceptable or should I give like an extra week since they don't need the numbers as early?

Dates to help with answers, wedding June 22 with rsvp May 24, rehearsal dinner(50+ people) June 21 and unknown rsvp date but using evites.

Thanks in advance!

Sjmiller418 · April 2013

Ugh I can see that km responded and really want to read the response but TK isnt letting me read the post when I click on the thread

kmbryant2413 · April 2013

Are you inviting everyone to your rehearsal dinner? Usually they are for your immediate family and those who you rehearsed with that day. Some people choose to include out-of-town guests in order to spend more time with them. Which are you doing?

Also - it's 2 months before your wedding and you haven't send invites yet??

Kate61487 · April 2013

I'd set the RSVP for the RD closer to when you actually need to know it. June 21 RD = June 14 restaurant deadline (hey that's my birthday! :-) ) so set the RSVP for the 10th or 11th.

With 50 people I'm guessing you're doing WP + OOT? Mine was actually 45 and it was just WP + SOs + immediate family, but I know most people don't have as large of a group. We didn't do an RSVP for the RD because by the nature of the guest list they were all coming (only 1 usher missed b/c he got into town too late). If you have OOT guests invited I can understand more why you'd need the RSVP.

Sjmiller418 · April 2013

Yay can see it now, wedding invites went out a week and half ago. FMIL just decided on the rehearsal venue so doing evites to get them out sooner then paper invites and have a system for responses better then random emails and texts.

And yes I wish it was only the immediate family and bridal party. When FILs offered to host the rehearsal dinner I gave FMIL a list of 16 people that would need to be included and she came back saying the first place she looked at only accomadated 50 people and that wouldnt be enough, I had to fight to keep a straight face and ask how come. She wants to invite all of their out of town family which even after telling her we didn't have to she insisted and then that meant well then all out of town family needs to be included from both sides to make me feel comfortable with it. She agreed happily and now its a huge shin dig with over half of the wedding guests being invited, the wedding is only 110 people and I think there are like 70 people invited to the dinner. Not thrilled but shes hosting and it makes her happy.

LDubHawksFan · April 2013

I don't think it means she hasn't sent out wedding invites yet, especially since both invites are usually sent separately depending on who is hosting each. If el torito, which is also where we had our rd, doesn't need the numbers until 7 days out, then make the rsvp date 10 days out since people may tighten up plans to get into town closer than a month out. The only reason I see for making them the same date is if you fi are hosting both it's easier to make follow up calls once.

kmbryant2413 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehersal-dinner-rsvp-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e06ccc2-b719-4aa6-a997-e129f5f43be8Post:a11dfc89-b50b-4f30-834c-53be393519d2">Re: Rehersal Dinner RSVP Date</a>:
[QUOTE]Yay can see it now, wedding invites went out a week and half ago. FMIL just decided on the rehearsal venue so doing evites to get them out sooner then paper invites and have a system for responses better then random emails and texts. And yes I wish it was only the immediate family and bridal party. When FILs offered to host the rehearsal dinner I gave FMIL a list of 16 people that would need to be included and she came back saying the first place she looked at only accomadated 50 people and that wouldnt be enough, I had to fight to keep a straight face and ask how come. She wants to invite all of their out of town family which even after telling her we didn't have to she insisted and then that meant well then all out of town family needs to be included from both sides to make me feel comfortable with it. She agreed happily and now its a huge shin dig with over half of the wedding guests being invited, the wedding is only 110 people and I think there are like 70 people invited to the dinner. Not thrilled but shes hosting and it makes her happy.
Posted by Sjmiller418[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Okay. Makes a lot more sense now. <strong>Yep, follow Kate's advice</strong>. Sorry you're having to do the run-around RSVP part when she is hosting!</div><div>
</div>

Kate61487 · April 2013

Edit b/c OP came back to answer km's question. So I'll type something else here instead:

OP - the good news is since it's an online RSVP it's instantaneous, which means you don't have to give yourself a 3 day buffer for mail delivery before you start calling. I'd set the deadline for the 10th. Send a reminder email to those who didn't do it on the 11th and call the last few stragglers on the 13th.

Sjmiller418 · April 2013

Thanks! Lwoehlk being able to make one call was exactly why I was thinking of making them the same but didnt know if it would be too soon or not. And to only have our guests think about one rsvp not two dates like a week or so apart from each other.

While yes FIL's are hosting FMIL was not prepared to send out invites at all(has never really hosted an event so she hasnt known what todo, she just wanted to call everyone and with this many people that would be difficult to keep track of) and when I suggested doing evites she liked the idea but asked me to do that part for her since shes not the most computer saavy.

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