RUDE responses on boards!!

kls33145 · April 2013

Is it just me? Or are some people SO rude on some of these message boards. I don't know why I ventured away from our lil crew here....I know the topic had already been discussed and didn't want to seem repetitive. I posted over on the "bridal party" board about parent gifts....and one woman gave such a rude remark!!! I'm not offended, just shocked that someone would respond negatively. I usually ignore the snotty remarks, but I replied back to her post. Ugh...
Some people.......

Vent, over!
Happy Friday, ladies!! (and April school vacation to fellow teachers on the east coast!!)

crysspears · April 2013

uhm no its not just you.. I was going to post something simila but never got around to it... The thing is, they think theyre being helpful (some are, but alot of them) have inside jokes with eachother and will jump on you if you dont know the proper way of doing things, and then use thier jokes thinking theyre funny..

personally, its mostly from the ladies that have been married for 1+ year or more/ have 2000+ posts. But from what ive noticed, they make fun of "ridiculous" posts on fridays. But ive also even noticed they jump on yo if you want to do someting a little different. What they dont realize is things vary by reigion and what some may do in say, Boston (where youre from), I wouldnt do back home in san diego...

and I digress

lifeonthehill · April 2013

All I can say is it sucks wanting advice and being smeared for it. I have even heard of people being followed to their month boards and people harassing them there. Ugh.

kls33145 · April 2013

It's just so shocking to me!! I hope that when I'm going to be 50, (bc this particular woman informed me in the post that she's 49), and married, I'm not on wedding boards handing out crappy opinions to younger, enthusiastic, and excited young brides.

Sorry for the negativity....I'm just happy I'm not alone here.

lifeonthehill · April 2013

Some people are really great though! Don't get me wrong! I just feel like the real negative ones deter me from posting at all besides on this July board.

Wheels987 · April 2013

One thing I've learned is that everyone is different. I agree with you on the parents gift thing--I'll probably get my parents something as a thank you. Take people's advice with a grain of salt and just know that YOU know your parents best. Not anyone else.

But not everyone on the "big" boards are mean, promise!

Wheels987 · April 2013

Oh. And I just remembered that I was going to ask about koozies on the favors board. Then I didn't once I did a quick search. People apparently either love them or hate them. But we know our friends, and personally I love koozies. I'm not going to change my mind because someone else thinks they're crappy.

crysspears · April 2013

I personally get really annoyed when someone makes a post about say, "shoes for BMS" and they state that they know "if they are going to request a specific shoe they(bride) has to pay for it" Then all the posts below feel the need to restate that.

Maybe thats just a pet peeve of mine, I hate repeating myself and seeing things repeated. But comeon, its in the text above, read!

Another thing with that (for me) my BMs WANT me to pick out shoes for them! I feel like where im from the BMs buy matching shoes too..

Wheels987 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_rude-responses-on-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:4a8fb809-3035-4327-bf8a-bdf3583ae0a9Post:84e71f56-b353-43a0-8202-944927bc6245">Re: RUDE responses on boards!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally get really annoyed when someone makes a post about say, "shoes for BMS" and they state that they know "if they are going to request a specific shoe they(bride) has to pay for it" Then all the posts below feel the need to restate that. Maybe thats just a pet peeve of mine, I hate repeating myself and seeing things repeated. But comeon, its in the text above, read! Another thing with that (for me) my BMs WANT me to pick out shoes for them! I feel like where im from the BMs buy matching shoes too..
Posted by crysspears[/QUOTE]

The shoes thing... so I think it might be different if you ask what they can pay for attire, they say $200 total. Great. Dress at $150, shoes at $50. Awesome. I guess that might be ok? But I had to pay $90 for shoes that were dyed to match dresses that cost $190 (before $100 alterations). I was NEVER asked for a budget. Pissed? Absolutely. If I was told I needed silver shoes, I would have bought a pair of silver shoes that I loved and that I would wear again. I think that's where the whole "you have to buy their shoes if you want specific ones" thing comes from.

I could be making that up though. That wedding was in the Boston area (where I'm from).

crysspears · April 2013

Yeah I mean that's definitely reasonable. I think that's a better idea! But what you went through is crazy! I don't expect them to get their dresses altered unless they can't breathe or if its falling off if it fits, its good enough haha. And shoes I found a shore cathy jean they have tons of nude pumps, sandals from like 2040 so they can pick

Brittywest05 · April 2013

I second all these rude responses on the "main" boards. I had posted the other day on CC and got my ihst jumped for my post and all of the people who did agree with me, were only agreeing with me over pm's.

Wheels987 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_rude-responses-on-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:4a8fb809-3035-4327-bf8a-bdf3583ae0a9Post:9f79dec5-e283-4228-bf51-f65ff66cc6b2">Re:RUDE responses on boards!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I mean that's definitely reasonable. I think that's a better idea! But what you went through is crazy! I don't expect them to get their dresses altered unless they can't breathe or if its falling off if it fits, its good enough haha. And shoes I found a shore cathy jean they have tons of nude pumps, sandals from like 2040 so they can pick
Posted by crysspears[/QUOTE]

The dress altering thing was soooo bad. I ordered my dress from CA and the store ordered me a size 20 (street size 8-10) because my hips are larger than my bust. Total nightmare.

crysspears · April 2013

Ohmygoodness that's terrible! You only needed half of the dress!

wittykitty14 · April 2013

Yes, I've noticed that too, sometimes. Most of the time, I feel like there's good energy flowing within the boards. There's always a handful that rub me the wrong way though. Lately, I feel like it's gotten worse (maybe it's my perception because I'm more stressed out?) Idk.

I started a post recently, knowing it might not end well, but I needed advice. I got the advice I needed on what I asked for, which was great. Other people took other bits of my story and tore them apart, especially one poster. They were somewhat rude (at least I thought so), but kept asking questions to clarify the situation, which I answered. They interpreted the responses in the wrong way, and gave me a hard time and wouldn't let up. I didn't let it go on for too long. I wanted to say "no, you're not listening to me, you have it wrong", but stopped responding because I got the answer I needed. I've been upset about it ever since though. (Sorry if that last paragraph seems whiny, but I needed to get it out)

What I've learned is that there's always someone who's ready to tear you apart-not just here, but anywhere. Every time I post anything, I try to anticipate what people's responses will be, and fix the post before I add it. But criticism is what we risk facing when we post on these (or any) boards. It can hurt when someone says something that catches you off-guard. You never know how people will react, which is why the boards are useful, and I keep coming back.

Thank you, OP for saying this. It's helped me feel better. If this was posted on E, the responses would have been different, for sure. This was comforting. Thank you!

[Deleted User] · April 2013

Agreed! I always think it is so much harder communicating via text (message, forum, etc) because you dont usually know the person and obvisouly cant read body language. I know I've definitely needed help/advice because I didnt want to bug friends/family, or kind of felt embarrassed so thought it might be better coming from stranger/others going through similar experiences. This board is the nicest in my opinion on the forums, so lucky to share a wedding month with you all

MrsH86 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_rude-responses-on-boards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:4a8fb809-3035-4327-bf8a-bdf3583ae0a9Post:05fd2caa-a429-4eef-8f2f-9533ac022321">RUDE responses on boards!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it just me? Or are some people SO rude on some of these message boards. I don't know why I ventured away from our lil crew here....I know the topic had already been discussed and didn't want to seem repetitive. I posted over on the "bridal party" board about parent gifts....and one woman gave such a rude remark!!! I'm not offended, just shocked that someone would respond negatively. I usually ignore the snotty remarks, but I replied back to her post. Ugh... Some people....... Vent, over! Happy Friday, ladies!! (and April school vacation to fellow teachers on the east coast!!)
Posted by kls33145[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. There have been times when I have asked for advice and I am treated like I am completely stupid..... I thought the reason why these boards existed in the first place were to help brides communicate with other brides, to get help and ideas... not be attacked and told what to do. If I wanted a cookie cutter wedding with boring ideas, I could think of those myself without asking for advice. I think some of the ladies that are rude to other brides are just bored or are taking out their frustrations on strangers. It's kinda sad. I like to uplift other brides and their unique ideas and traditions. I like to be helpful, not bitchy. But some women thrive on negativity. Just ignore them, that's what I do! :)</div>

jackiebrim · April 2013

I totally agree!! I'm so glad to hear the ladies on this board are nice!

Sometimes I'll read someone's question and post my response without reading anyone else's... and then I see that everyone else was extremely rude and unhelpful! I feel like some of those women LOOK for things to put you down. If you say one bad thing about a bridesmaid or a guest, that's the end, no help for you. I asked a question regarding my bachelorette, which I specifically stated was being thrown by my MOH, and I got several responses like, "You should NOT be throwing your own party. A party is a gift, not a right," blah blah blah. Yes, I know that!!!

It's just frustrating...

drg424 · May 2013

Have you ladies seen this post: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-not-wanting-to-pitch-in-for-bride-gift

Probably the most epic display of all the mean bullies on The Knot ever.

I really don't get these ladies. First of all, people put themselves out there looking for advice from brides who should be able to empathize with how stressful, emotional and fragile wedding planning can be. I feel like they bully and pounce for the sake of doing it and being mean and not because they have assertive opinions about wedding planning.

Secondly, a lot of the serial bullies are already married. Why have they not moved on from The Knot? And why do they act like the own the website, forums, and business?

It really degrades the otherwise wonderful resource that is The Knot and these forums. I have literally learned how to plan a wedding and be a bride from this site - specifically the forums - and I hate to see it overrun by such awful, bullies.

I wonder if employees from The Knot ever step in or take into consideration what a negative mark this is on their site.

Anyways, people are mean.

One more thing: how come these miss manners sticklers for proper etitquette, being grateful, saying thank you, being selfless rules don't apply them to their posts and responses? It's very hypocritical to say the least.

Okay, I'm done. This has just been increasingly bugging me

KimberElena1217 · January 2014

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