We had a stupid fight (This is long, sorry)

Re: We had a stupid fight (This is long, sorry)

• themarchingoboe

  

  April 2013

  So I know this is posting quite late, but I was just poking around and this story hit close to my heart.  I originally joined this site to plan a wedding with my then fiance.  Long story short, it ended in large part because I was going through a bout of anxiety and depression and attempting to get my life back on track and he actively began looking for jobs in the Midwest (we were both living in CA) and expected me to uproot the support system I was creating.

  
  

  But anyway, I went through this exact same conversation/issue with him.  I was raised traditional and religious, he was my first boyfriend and we were in college.  And let's face it...it was exciting and fun that a guy wanted me like that.  I waited about six months, did tons of research and made sure I took all the physical and emotional precautions I could.  After college we started living together and it was during this time that I found out that not only did he talk with other people about how close he came to breaking up with me because I wasn't going to put out and the only reason he stayed with me was because he saw (in his words) "progress".  I also found out that he told me he loved me for the first time without meaning it.  I was so hurt, but I just told myself that it didn't matter how we started, only where we were, and that he loved me now, so that the beginning stuff didn't matter.  But looking back on it, it really did.

  
  

  At this point, I'm not even really talking about sex before marriage.  I'm talking about the attitute that you began a relationship with someone who saw you more or less only as someone to have sex with, with a pre arranged deadline to cut you out of his life.  Some men grow out of that phase of their lives when they meet an amazing girl who changes their minds, but some don't.  I really don't want to be a downer, but I just got so hurt by this man that I reallly don't want anyone else to go through what I went through.  Please be careful that he is just as considerate of your feelings/thoughts/wishes/desires as you are of his.  I know from experience how easy it is to think everything is stable and then have it unravel when you need him to do something for you.

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