2 weddings on the same day Help

wildchild57 · April 2013

I need some advice, desperately.
I have 2 weddings next year to go to on the same day. I am MOH in one and my husband is Groomsman in the other. We both do not want to be seperate on the day.
Here's the story:
I was asked to be MOH over a year ago, but they only booked their venue and date today.
My husband was asked to be a groomsman 2 weeks ago, and they booked their venue and date 1 month ago.
Now we spend way more time with my husbands wedding couple. We see them every 2 weeks, and the groom was a groomsman for us, and his future wife helped us out hugely for our wedding last year.
I only see my friend every 2 months or so and she couldn't make it to my wedding.
I am trying to figure out if we should stay split for the day or choose 1 wedding to attend?
Do I attend the wedding that had their day booked first and helped our wedding, or do we go to the wedding that asked me first?
I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but I'm so torn
Thank you for your thoughts

Sierra524 · April 2013

This is kinda a sticky situation & I dont envy you at all.

I must first say that weddings are not tit for tat, so it sucks that your friend wasnt able to attend your wedding, but that really should not affect your decision. I would probably attend the wedding that had their date set first. Just tell your friend "Im sorry, but we already have a wedding to attend that same day." but that is just me...I am interested to see what others say.

MobKaz · April 2013

Our family had a similar situation.

Our daughter set her wedding date of June, 2011, in December of 2009. In December, 2010, our son's wife (then FI), was asked to be the MOH and only attendant at her best friends wedding.

It was a difficult decision for them as well. They opted to attend separate events. Obviously, both would have preferred to attend one wedding together, but my son felt strongly that he needed to attend his sister's wedding, and his FI felt very obliged to be with her friend. Both were also sad and frustrated, because my son was close to the other couple marrying, and obviously my son's FI felt bad for missing my daughter's wedding.

They did feel they were able to get a small bit of "best of both worlds". My son's FI was able to attend my daughter's rehearsal dinner and share in the celebration in that way.

I don't have any specific advice as this needs to be a personal decision between you and your husband. My personal opinion would be to remain true to the commitment you made to your friend. Perhaps there will be an opportunity for you to participate in the groomsman celebration in an "off" way as well.

MrsGandthebeag · April 2013

It's a tough call but personally I would split and go to my friend's wedding and have dh go to his friend's wedding.

SlothGoals · April 2013

I see it as it's just one day of being apart while supporting people that you love. I think you should participate in your respective weddings and not disappoint people you've already agreed to support.

Are the weddings in the same city/town? Could you and your H grab a hotel for the night and meet up after the weddings?

NYCMercedes · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_2-weddings-on-the-same-day-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:148e3bdc-91ab-4dbd-9246-08d74712f33aPost:fcd6dfe3-90d0-4728-8474-6d4bda380f42">Re: 2 weddings on the same day Help</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a tough call but personally I would split and go to my friend's wedding and have dh go to his friend's wedding.
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

Agree. It's just one day in your life, but a really really big day in their lives. Additionally, you have each made commitments that I think you should continue to honor.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

Is there a particular reason you are so set against spliting? I mean, weddings are just like half a day for BMs if you don't stay the entire reception. Why is being apart for half a day so terrible?

wildchild57 · April 2013

We don't want to be apart as we want to celebrate together at the wedding of our close friends. The wedding where I am MOH we are not as close with; as the couple that my husband is a groomsman for.

Sierra524 · April 2013

Why are you an MOH in a wedding for someone you're not close with?

teachmegs1 · April 2013

My FI's best man is in a similar situation. His GF was asked to be a BM in a wedding on our wedding day, several months after FI had asked his friends to be his best man. She's staying in NYC to attend and be in this wedding, and he's coming up here to be apart of ours because it's a commitment that both of them made in advance, and as adults while they are bummed they can't spend the day together on a special occasion, it's one day.

As previous posters have asked, are the weddings in the same city? What time are both of these weddings happening. Is there any way that either of you could be at the last hour or two of the other wedding together, or just meet up afterwards.

beautiflaw · April 2013

Split for the day. Its one day. Its not a big deal. I spend 6+ months away from my husband all the time during important holidays, birthdays, and weddings because of deployments. One day apart to support your friends getting married is not going to kill you. Besides, you'll both have funny stories to tell when you get back home and see each other at the end of the evening.

wittykitty14 · April 2013

That's a tough situation.

If you're able to, I would split as well. But then again, I'm the kind of who hates going back on my word. It'll be hard no matter what you do, and you won't be able to please everyone involved. But I'd keep the commitments you've made to your friends. Good luck to you!

rel1988 · April 2013

I agree with some PP. It sucks but I would hold up your commitment and split up to attend both weddings. As a member of the wedding party you don't really have much free time anyways until the reception really gets going. Are they close by? Maybe you could honor your promise to stand up at the ceremony but then attend the reception of your husband's friends?

Heartwood0519 · April 2013

We are in this situation almost exactly. My FI's best man and his fiance picked their date and asked FI to stand up in the wedding. A couple months later my bridesmaid picked her date (same day) and asked me to stand up. It sucks that we won't be together that weekend (the weddings are in different parts of the state) but that's the way it worked out. I think you should both honor the committments you made to your friends and be apart for a day.

winelover123 · April 2013

Are the weddings at the same times too? I need a little more information here.

I'd go to the ceremony and part of the reception that you are MOH for and meet up with your H at your close friend's wedding for the last half of the reception if the weddings are in the same city and at the same time. It'll be a long day, but you'd get to celebrate with both friends.

misssunshine17 · April 2013

Honestly, I'm rolling my eyes that you don't want to split up. With your follow up, you're basically saying that the second wedding is more important. If that's how you feel, own it and drop out of the other wedding, but I personally think it's a shitty reason since the bride has done nothing wrong and you knew her date with the other set theirs.

wildchild57 · April 2013

Thank you for the advice everyone.

krose83013 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_2-weddings-on-the-same-day-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:148e3bdc-91ab-4dbd-9246-08d74712f33aPost:3fd5ceb5-7e44-4cfa-a5d3-7b7724d0c184">2 weddings on the same day Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I need some advice, desperately. I have 2 weddings next year to go to on the same day. I am MOH in one and my husband is Groomsman in the other. We both do not want to be seperate on the day. Here's the story: I was asked to be MOH over a year ago, but they only booked their venue and date today. My husband was asked to be a groomsman 2 weeks ago, and they booked their venue and date 1 month ago. Now we spend way more time with my husbands wedding couple. We see them every 2 weeks, and the groom was a groomsman for us, and his future wife helped us out hugely for our wedding last year. I only see my friend every 2 months or so and she couldn't make it to my wedding. I am trying to figure out if we should stay split for the day or choose 1 wedding to attend? Do I attend the wedding that had their day booked first and helped our wedding, or do we go to the wedding that asked me first? I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but I'm so torn Thank you for your thoughts
Posted by wildchild57[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is almost the same situation we are in, the difference is that we are not in the wedding party. FI's cousin is getting married June 15th and they have had their date set for about a year and a half. A close college friend is having hers the same day. And I told her when I got the word of the date that we will most likely not be there since we already have a wedding to attend. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Kristin789 · April 2013

This, exactly:

I'd go to the ceremony and part of the reception that you are MOH for and meet up with your H at your close friend's wedding for the last half of the reception if the weddings are in the same city and at the same time. It'll be a long day, but you'd get to celebrate with both friends.

The position of MOH is largely PRE-WEDDING. So you can participate with your girlfriend in dress shopping, dress fittings, pre-wedding parties, showers, bach party, RD - all without a conflict with the other wedding because there's nothing PRE-WEDDING for you to do, and there's nothing PRE-WEDDING that you and DH could do together. (He'll attend a bach party, but not with you.)

Then on the day of the wedding, you go to your girlfriend's house and help her get ready, then help her get married, then leave to join your DH at the other wedding reception. Your DH will help the groom get ready - which you could not do, then he'll stand up for the groom while the groom gets married - which you could not do, then he'll head out to the reception, where he will be joined by you.

jdblnn · April 2013

I think you have to stick with the weddings you've both already committed to. Especially as the MOH. It's a hard sell to try and back out saying that you have to be at someone else's wedding. I have the feeling that will not end well. Split up for the ceremony, then, if its possible, try to do the receptions together.

mc4dj13 · April 2013

I wanna know why you agreed to be MOH if you're not that close to the bride?

loca4pook · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_2-weddings-on-the-same-day-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:148e3bdc-91ab-4dbd-9246-08d74712f33aPost:fcd6dfe3-90d0-4728-8474-6d4bda380f42">Re: 2 weddings on the same day Help</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a tough call but personally I would split and go to my friend's wedding and have dh go to his friend's wedding.
Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

I think I would personally split up in this situation as well. You both made commitments and "backing out" might be a friendship ending move. If you weren't sure you couldn't commit to the date, you shouldn't have agreed. They might have started to make plans knowing you agree.

On a side note, a GREAT friend doesn't mean you need to seem them daily. I have friends for over 20 years..I can go months without seeing them and still feel like I did when I was 12 and saw them every day.....Just food for thought...Lives get busy, it doesn't necessarily make a person less of a friend

loca4pook · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_2-weddings-on-the-same-day-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:148e3bdc-91ab-4dbd-9246-08d74712f33aPost:9202716f-7ea7-4b9f-be3e-a6865cb50e79">Re: 2 weddings on the same day Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think the issue is you don't want to seperate. I think the issue is YOU prefer going to the other wedding than the one for your friend that you committed to. And you want us to tell you its okay to back out of your commitment. I don't think it is. That's just me.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]

I agree with this... If you did not feel "close" to her, you shouldn't have accepted that honor. to back out (esp when she booked first) would be a friendship ending move.....and is actually just a really sh-itty move because it puts her without a MOH since she can't just "replace" you..

Please don't do that to the poor girl when she did nothing wrong

Summer2011Bride · April 2013

Definitely split up and go to the weddings you both committed to. I would be incredibly hurt if my MOH dropped out of my wedding to go to someone else's that day instead. INCREDIBLY hurt. For whatever reason, you accepted being MOH even though you don't sound close to her, but that isn't good enough reason to ditch her. It's one day. You guys will be fine apart. I'm assuming you're apart every day whie you both go to work and it's no big deal, right?

libby2483 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_2-weddings-on-the-same-day-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:148e3bdc-91ab-4dbd-9246-08d74712f33aPost:e255287a-005d-4178-8d95-6902e33c9cbd">Re: 2 weddings on the same day Help</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I'm rolling my eyes that you don't want to split up. With your follow up, you're basically saying that the second wedding is more important. If that's how you feel, own it and drop out of the other wedding, but I personally think it's a shitty reason since the bride has done nothing wrong and you knew her date with the other set theirs.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. It seems as though you are searching for validation about dropping out of your friend's wedding. You made a commitment to her, and I think it is sh!tty not to honor that because you would prefer to go to someone else's wedding. I think you guys just need to accept that it isn't an ideal situation and split up. It's only one day.</div>

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