How to tell people they aren't invited

tammym1001 · April 2013

My FI and I are having a very small wedding. That was what we wanted and we didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so originally we planned a destination wedding and used that as our excuse as to why we were only inviting about 30 people. We talked about it and we both decided we really didn't want to do the destination wedding and we were only doing it to avoid hurting uninvited guests feelings so now we are getting married at home.

We've already had several people ask the date so they can save it on their calendars and others who just assume that they are invited so I know it's going to be a problem when they find out we aren't doing the destination wedding anymore. I've seen a lot of advice that says to just tell people because of budget concerns we can't invite everyone we want, but that would be a flat out lie and our friends and family all know that wouldn't be true. I can't figure out a good thing to say to people when the truth is we want to keep it small because we only want the people who are the most important in our lives to be there.

I don't mean to sound rude about that, but I know that a lot of our friends and family would just treat it as a big party with free food and liquor. To us, this is the most important day of our lives. We are making a commitment to be together for the rest of our lives and that is a very private and personal moment.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

If someone asks simply tell them that you are still working on a guest list but that you and your FI are trying to keep things small. Then change the subject.

You don't have to tell people they are not invited. They will eventually get the hint when they don't receive an invite.

winelover123 · April 2013

Tell them that you are having a small wedding. If you rent a venue, you can use the space as an excuse too. "Oh the venue that we have is very limited so our wedding will be small."

teachmegs1 · April 2013

I had someone recently text my FI and ask if our wedding was an open invitation. When he replied with a "no," the person text back saying, "Oh good, I didn't receive my invitation yet, do you need my address?" He associates with this person in his circle of car/motorcycle friends that he hangs out with at the garage on occasion. By no means is he a close friend, or someone we considered inviting. We've had to tell a few people that we are still working on the guest list, and while it's going to be a rather large number in attendance (200 ish by the time RSVP's come back), it's still something we are trying to keep close knit and not go overboard with. My side of the family in particular is over 125 people. That's just 1st cousins, with a handful of second cousins. Good luck with it all!

hgminor · April 2013

I think this happens to everybody, which I find hilarious because it is so rude to ask or offer your address without the request.

I agree with PPs- say you want it to remain intimate and small, then change the subject quickly. And following what Winelover said, yes, get a venue that will support your situation. Don't sign up for a 500 person ballroom if you want it to be intimate.

tammym1001 · April 2013

Thanks guys! We are probably going to have the ceremony at our church which of course holds more people than that, but then we were just going to take everyone to dinner after at a restaurant so I can definitely use that as an excuse. I'll just make sure I don't tell people which one so they don't just show up. LOL

DaisyMaeMommy · April 2013

When a few friends of mine asked if they were invited, I simply said no. I explained that FI and I are only inviting family and extremely close family friends, (People we've known basically since we were in diapers!) We're paying for the entire wedding ourselves, and we don't want to throw ourselves in debt just to invite people who we'd rather not care to invite.

If they get upset/angry, then that's on them. Not everyone WANTS all those extra people attending one of the most important day of their lives!

Jen4948 · April 2013

The best way to deal with the issue is to respond that you're having a small wedding that doesn't allow you to invite everyone you'd like. Stand firm on this.