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Who pays for the dresses?

I know traditionally the girls pay for their own dresses, which is exactly what I assumed would happen - and their shoes (I'm planning to keep it under $300 for both, less if I can manage it).  I"ve never been in a wedding but this is the way it's been for most of my friends weddings as well.  The issue that I'm having is that one of my friends has said that since the girls will travel for the wedding I should have to pay for everything.  I know that all my other friends who've been married have also had most of their girls travel and the girls paid for their own dreses - my FH has always paid for his own tux even when travelling.  What should I do?  Should I pay for the dresses or should they still get those too (assuming I can keep it reasonable...)

Re: Who pays for the dresses?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:fc7a9790-6a96-4288-863a-f7f39cb78ffc">Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know traditionally the girls pay for their own dresses, which is exactly what I assumed would happen - and their shoes (I'm planning to keep it under $300 for both, less if I can manage it).  I"ve never been in a wedding but this is the way it's been for most of my friends weddings as well.  The issue that I'm having is that one of my friends has said that since the girls will travel for the wedding I should have to pay for everything.  I know that all my other friends who've been married have also had most of their girls travel and the girls paid for their own dreses - my FH has always paid for his own tux even when travelling.  What should I do?  Should I pay for the dresses or should they still get those too (assuming I can keep it reasonable...)
    Posted by Bibbleskip[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Don't assume your WP can afford to spend $300 on your wedding. Ask each WP member privately for their budget and find something at or less than the lowest budget. If you can afford to purchase dresses for them that`s very nice, but not necessary.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you are requiring specific shoes you have to pay for them. Not all people can wear certain types of shoes so I would forgo having them all match shoes. 

    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:4d64f4cc-d636-4e90-9590-81a4aa9d6fc0">Re: Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Who pays for the dresses? : Don't assume your WP can afford to spend $300 on your wedding. Ask each WP member privately for their budget and find something at or less than the lowest budget. If you can afford to purchase dresses for them that`s very nice, but not necessary. If you are requiring specific shoes you have to pay for them. Not all people can wear certain types of shoes so I would forgo having them all match shoes. 
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I completely agree with this. It's okay for you to assume that the bridesmaids will purchase their own dresses and shoes- but with the caveat that you will allow them to choose their own shoes- maybe from a pair that they already own if they like. If you want them to purchase specific shoes, make sure that you offer to pay for this. I agree with the wonderful suggestion to speak to them individually and ask them how much they are comfortable with for a budget for the dresses. 

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  • edited March 2013
    You need to ask each BM individually what her budget is. You will have to pick a dress that is at the lowest price point you are given.

    If you do that, however, I think it's reasonable to expect them to pay for their own dresses. That is usually what happens. You should be OK with someone declining if they can't afford the dress plus travel, but they should also know that if they agree to be a BM, they will have to pay for travel plus a dress that is in their budget (previously discussed with you). Don't assume $300 is fine for everyone. I would not spend that on a dress I was wearing once, esp. if I also had to travel to the wedding.

    ETA: Let them pick their own shoes. Many might already own a pair that are suitable and that cuts down costs also.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:3d78eb19-e223-49a1-82a6-b3ef6f66635a">Re:Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto everyone else. They pay for the dresses, but THEY set the budget, not you. <strong>And if you insist on specific hoes </strong>or jewelry, YOU pay. For the record, I've been a BM 9 times and I have never spent more than half what your current "budget" is, even when I didn't have to travel.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    LOL I tried insisting on specific hoes for my wedding, but no one else got on board with me <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />


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  • I would never spend $300 on a dress and pair of shoes, for one day, that I did not choose for myself. You've gotten some good advice on that. You do not need to pay for everything because they will have travel expenses. Assuming they knew that before they accepted, that's on them. If they can't swing it, they can decline.
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  • In Response to Re:Who pays for the dresses?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Who pays for the dresses?:Ditto everyone else. They pay for the dresses, but THEY set the budget, not you. And if you insist on specific hoes or jewelry, YOU pay. For the record, I've been a BM 9 times and I have never spent more than half what your current "budget" is, even when I didn't have to travel.Posted by StageManager14LOL I tried insisting on specific hoes for my wedding, but no one else got on board with me Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
    Dang!

    Definitely ask each girl for their budget. Prepare to be patient and flexible with low budgets because it is a destination wedding.
    As far as the specific shoes goes, I have bad feet and would never spend money on shoes my doctor would hit me with.
    You could always pick a neutral color, like black, and ask each girl to just wear that.
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  • OnLAOnLA member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    thanks girls!  I appreciate the advice.  Thankfully, I know the girls can all wear the type of shoes I want, they're all heel freaks.  But seeing as I want black dresses and purple shoes I guess i should pick up the shoes.  I'm actually hoping to find the dresses under $100, part of the reason I'm choosing black is the practicality and how easy (in theory) they are to find.  It'll also make it easier to deal with varying styles.

    I'm amazed so many people were shocked at my $300, most of my girlfriends have been asked to spend $500+ on top of travel and they've had specific shoes etc.  One girl couldn't get them in her size and had to deal with shoes that were too big for the whole day!  (I would not do that to my girls!)
  • based on your second post, I think you'll be fine. I did pay for my girls dresses to help them out because they were all financially strained for different reasons. But I was able to get 3 out of the 4 dresses on ebay for a third of the regular price since they picked a popular style & color from David's Bridal. I did check with them if they were ok w/previously worn dresses if I got them dry cleaned & they all said ok. They felt it was a way of recycling because most women never wear a BM again.

  • I have never had a bride pay for my shoes when I am in they're wedding.  It's just part of being a bridesmaid.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:33a9b694-6400-4061-8a4c-68ff69f05d75">Re: Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have never had a bride pay for my shoes when I am in they're wedding.  It's just part of being a bridesmaid.
    Posted by imAprEttyprincess[/QUOTE]

    If the bride is requiring a certain shoe, it is proper for HER to pay.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:208c148b-1222-4f80-887f-9dd37e4587cb">Re: Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who pays for the dresses? : If the bride is requiring a certain shoe, it is proper for HER to pay.
    Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]

    <div>But why the shoes?  Why not the dress too?  She's requiring that as well.  As long as it's all within an affordable range, why is it okay to ask for $200 on a dress, but not $100 on a dress and $40 on shoes?  Your logic is illogical.</div>
  • In Response to Re:Who pays for the dresses?:[QUOTE]I have never had a bride pay for my shoes when I am in they're wedding. nbsp;It's just part of being a bridesmaid. Posted by imAprEttyprincess[/QUOTE]

    Paying for the shoes, dress, shower, bachelorette party, and any other of those costs is on the bridesmaid. She agreed to be in it and she should know it'll cost half get salary. If she can't do it, maybe she should step down.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:7ca85afa-2eb5-4276-a357-7138287f7d65">Re:Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Who pays for the dresses?: Paying for the shoes, dress, shower, bachelorette party, and any other of those costs is on the bridesmaid. She agreed to be in it and she should know it'll cost half get salary. If she can't do it, maybe she should step down.
    Posted by maybehArtE1[/QUOTE]
    Nope.



  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:7ca85afa-2eb5-4276-a357-7138287f7d65">Re:Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Who pays for the dresses?: Paying for the shoes, dress, shower, bachelorette party, and any other of those costs is on the bridesmaid. She agreed to be in it and she should know it'll cost half get salary. If she can't do it, maybe she should step down.
    Posted by maybehArtE1[/QUOTE]

    Theeheh, ^^^ funny.

    Anyway,  agreed with previous posters as well, bridesmaids pay for travel and dresses.
    If the bridesmaid cannot afford the travel and the dress she may not be able to do so and may just graciously decline the wedding party invitation, and hopefully just come as a guest instead. I asked one of my best friends to be a bridesmaid and she almost declined (She has been in college for 9 years in Boston, as she is going to school to be a Nurse Practioner, and was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer has lots of medical bills, student loans of over 100,000 etc) so I offered to pay for her dress and anything else she wanted to participate to be a bridesmaid, however, it was in my budget to able to do so, and I cant imagine her not being next to me.
    But no it is not a requirement for you to pay. You are only required to pay when you dictate to your WP what to wear for the wedding day, outside the dress. Specific shoes, if you requiring them to get their hair done, etc.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2013
    Where my H and I are at right now, if I was asked to be a BM, paying $300 to be in a wedding (plus travel costs) would quite literally be a financial hardship for us.  I would ask for their budgets privately, or, if you really want this specific stuff, you should pay for it.

    Based on your second post, it sounds like you're doing ok but I would still ask for budgets.  I can't imagine paying $100 for a dress.  I have never paid that much for a single item of clothing in my life (except my wedding dress!)

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:208c148b-1222-4f80-887f-9dd37e4587cb">Re: Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who pays for the dresses? :  <span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I have never had a bride pay for my shoes when I am in <strong>they're</strong> wedding.  It's just part of being a bridesmaid.
    Posted by imAprEttyprincess</span>[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>*their.  

    </div>
  • OnLAOnLA member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-pays-for-the-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4158400d-f863-4e8f-aea8-1bb3f2d09297Post:00bef38e-ea2d-4977-b550-ff209845dd97">Re: Who pays for the dresses?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bibbleskip, <strong>your wedding is in April 2014. It's too early to worry about their dresses and such now.</strong> Please don't ask them to order NOW for a dress that will just hang in their closets for the next year. Wait until around October or November.  
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have issues with planning, I can't not plan things.  I've also been planning my wedding for years.  I'm looking for sales and options to save the girls money and I just want to make sure I know what I'm paying for etc.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I also have full intentions of paying for my girls hair, manicure, pedicure, & makeup.  I just wasn't sure about the shoes really...all my friends wedding parties have had matching shoes and the maids all paid.</div>
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