Mom of bride wearing white?

JillianNJohn · April 2013

Is there any etiquette on this?? I have spent more time assisting my mother by phone, email, text and Web earch on HER outfit than I did my own wedding dress (that she hasn't seen bc she claims she's too busy). We are planning and paying for a wedding On our own and SHE is the one too busy to find her own outfit. She does live in another state but its a mere 4 hr drive (that we make often to see them). We set a date in oct and she wanted me to wait till feb to go dress shopping with her, I refused bc I did not want to wait that long to get my dress and already knew what I wanted (which she's now trying to talk me out if saying I shouldn't wear white bc its my 2nd marriage)

She keeps asking and I keep saying "it's up to you, get what you like" and has made the statement "you don't understand and I'm Insulted that as the mother of the bride I have a special role in this wedding and you just do not care what i look like I need to be the prettiest dressed person there". I bit my tongue the best I could. Ive hit the point of telling her YOU ARE A GUEST NOT THE HOSTESS OF MY WEDDING. She has no specific role other than to be seated with everyone else. she has not helped plan, pay for or do ANYTHING which is fine by me,

That being said maybe I'm being harsh on her but I truly do not have the time to devote to HER outfit. I've left the bridal party to their own shoes and said surprise me that day!!!

Sooo.....today my mother sends me a pic of a WHITE DRESS that SHE is going to wear. I responded with "that's up to you keep in mind we will be in the mountains" bc I know her, if she gets a mark in it she will cause her own scene.

My question is.... Does the mother of the bride typically wear white?? Our colors are teal and black. my close friends who are coming and family have been asking me what our colors are. My girl friends have been sending me pix of their awesome dresses mostly in our colors or somewhere along those lines. Even my step dad picked a killer green shirt and tie to wear. I've told ppl they don't have to match it but they want to.

AddieCake · April 2013

Here is my stepmom in the ivory dress that she married my father in a few months before my wedding (so not just an ivory dress, but her actual wedding dress). I never said a word. Ideal? No. End of the world? Also no. Seemed like a big deal when I first heard it was happening, barely noticed it on my wedding day. Just let her wear what she wants and move on with life.

winelover123 · April 2013

I'd just skype with her instead of driving 4 hours to help her pick out a dress. Also, I mean, she certainly can wear white, but she will probably be side eyed A LOT for it. You know your mom and your relationship with her the best, but if it were my mom I would let her know that she may get unwanted comments for wearing white. She can wear whatever she wants to, and if she really wants to wear a white dress, then just let it go.

renegade gaucho · April 2013

Although I generally find all the policing of women's clothing associated with weddings silly and sexist, your mom sounds like a pretty ridiculous person in general and I agree she probably chose something white just to get under your skin. However, there is nothing you can do about this- she is who she is and you can't change this. If it's not her dress, it will be something else. And, to be fair, you did tell her that she can wear whatever she wants. I would just let her do her own thing and ignore her childish behavior. In the end, it really doesn't matter what she wears- she's not going to outshine you or the groom. Don't let her interfere with your enjoyment of your wedding day.

Kristin789 · April 2013

Here's the etiquette stuff you are looking for - see Tip 4:

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/6-essential-mother-of-the-bride-dress-shopping-tips.aspx

And this one addresses color in Question 4:

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-bride-attire.aspx

JillianNJohn · April 2013

Thanks everyone. I know I put myself in a rut by saying wear whatever you want. I've offed for her to come visit to shop (and see he only grandkids) bc we have a better variety of stores in my area (she lives in small newly growing town). She said no she hates shopping. She did order 1 dress and I felt it was perfect... Till she couldn't zip it up. I had told her before she ordered it to get 1-2 sizes bigger and we can alter it. Nope she got it 1 size smaller bc she refuses to accept that she is truly a size 7/9. I love my mother but she has always tried to be the center of attention. With my first marriage she was always there, always intruding. And now I've grown up, I've changed, I'm not the teenager I was the first time. I know what I want and how to get it so yes, sadly, I don't call her nonstop for advise anymore. Trying to include her in the wedding was disastrous so I made FI promise to yell at me if I tell her anything else. She was furious I got a veil just below my shoulders, she wanted me to have a Diana veil (13 feet past the dress). sandal heels aren't acceptable... Well she's gonna flip when she sees my shiny FLIP FLOPS for the reception (if I stay in my dress). I told FI be prepared for her to CRY at the wedding. She's taking the boys after the reception and I know she will want to leave an hour into it and I'm not going to let her leave with the kids. I want them to be there enjoying themselves too, its for them too.... It's not just me getting a husband or him getting a wife, my children are getting another dad who loves them dearly.

Mom of bride wearing white?

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