Is this tacky or a good idea? What to do!

hacked · April 2013

My son is getting married, and after a discussion with my son and his FI, we are going to have my mother's cedar chest restored and re-finished is a more current color (is is blond wood from 1952). I asked my son about it, since I wanted to make sure they wanted it- it will take up space and is a furniture item- did they really want it? He said they did. It is very plain, and surprisingly modern looking. It does not look dated at all. My son dearly loved his grandmother and it will make a nice memory for him, and his fiance was quite charmed by the plate inside with the couple's name and wedding date on it.

I also want to give them my mother's sterling silver flatware, which I have not told them I am doing. My mother got 8 8-piece place settings when she got married, along with some serving pieces. Over the years she got 2 more place settings, a carving set, iced tea spoons, etc. When she had her first child, she was given a matching infant spoon and child-sized place setting. She also accidentally ground up a spoon in the garbage disposal. Somewhere along the line, a fork went missing.

Is it nicer for me to add another 2 place settings to the collection, making it a complete set? Should I just replace the 2 missing pieces? I checked the price- it is by Towle and still being made- at Macy's, and it was $1,300 for a five piece place setting, plus another 3 other pieces to make it an 8 piece place setting. Holy smokes! My mother kept a brochure that said a place setting was $30 in 1952. Of course, if I went with an on-line auction, it is a WHOLE lot less. Is it tacky to give a partial set? If it is and I should complete the collection, is it tacky to buy it at an on-line auction site?

Yes, I do know it is a gift, and completely voluntary on my part. Sometimes, the collecting and completing over the years is part of the fun, but having it all there and ready to go is fun as well.

I plan on keeping the baby pieces and giving it to them when they start a family.

Oh, would it be nice to add an engraved plate to the inside of the chest withe my son's and his brides names on it, as well as the date?

misshart00 · April 2013

I've always heard 16 as a full set, but that may be wrong. I would give it to them as is. I think it's a beautiful gift. I would also add the plate with their names and wedding date inside the chest.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

So if you got the additional place settings and the missing pieces it would be a 12 piece place setting set? Is that correct?

I think both items sound like very nice and sentimental gifts.

As for the silverware, I think just replacing the missing pieces would be good enough if you did not want to buy the additional place settings. Also, it does not matter where you find and purchase the extra items. If they match they match and that is really all that matters.

For the chest, I think the added engraved plate would be a nice addition. Would you be keeping the engraved plate from your Mother's wedding in there as well? If so, handing this chest down and adding additional plates could become a nice tradition.

hacked · April 2013

I guess, in my mind it is 8 or 12 as customary. When you buy compete sets of dishes or china or silverware, they are usually 8 place settings or 12 place settings. 10 just seems. . .unfinished. Having a missing fork and spoon seems even more unfinished.

hacked · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-tacky-or-a-good-idea-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e37c505-f721-4075-8d9d-8ab9e0b8f894Post:fc4393ab-fb7d-455d-bb6b-746522b049f0">Re: Is this tacky or a good idea? What to do!</a>:
[QUOTE]So if you got the additional place settings and the missing pieces it would be a 12 piece place setting set? Is that correct? I think both items sound like very nice and sentimental gifts. As for the silverware, I think just replacing the missing pieces would be good enough if you did not want to buy the additional place settings. Also, it does not matter where you find and purchase the extra items. If they match they match and that is really all that matters. For the chest, I think the added engraved plate would be a nice addition. Would you be keeping the engraved plate from your Mother's wedding in there as well? If so, handing this chest down and adding additional plates could become a nice tradition.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, I was going to leave the plate there, but take a picture of it as a momento for myself. A friend suggested I do a rubbing of it.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and yes, the two additional pieces would make 10 complete place settings. I would need to buy 2 more place settings plus an additional 3 pieces for each place setting, since her place settings were 8 pieces each.

</div>

radleyboo · April 2013

Wow, what a lovely and amazing gift! I am a huge fan of heirloom gifts, especially for weddings and for babies. Your idea to have engraved plates put inside the hope chest and the silver chest are lovely ideas. I'm a collector of a particular kind of antique glassware, so I know your woes of trying to find certain missing pieces to flesh out a set. In my humble opinion, I think your gift of the silver with the engraved chest is gift enough. They will certainly treasure having this throughout their lives, and it sounds like there is enough there for smaller gatherings as-is. If they wish to invest in finding the missing pieces, that would be up to them. Or maybe they'd get lucky and find them at an estate sale or antique shop someday? Like you said, that's part of the fun.

I'm assuming (guessing) that they are going to get some stainless flatware for every-day use? If so, I would worry about this even less. We both know that silver is somewhat of a pain to maintain, and in my family, it's reserved for very special occasions because of the care it needs as it gets used. Again, this is a really beautiful gift. I'd be teary-eyed if someone gave my my grandmother's silver, complete set or just one spoon!

AprilH81 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-tacky-or-a-good-idea-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e37c505-f721-4075-8d9d-8ab9e0b8f894Post:fc4393ab-fb7d-455d-bb6b-746522b049f0">Re: Is this tacky or a good idea? What to do!</a>:
[QUOTE]So if you got the additional place settings and the missing pieces it would be a 12 piece place setting set? Is that correct? I think both items sound like very nice and sentimental gifts. As for the silverware, I think just replacing the missing pieces would be good enough if you did not want to buy the additional place settings. Also, it does not matter where you find and purchase the extra items. If they match they match and that is really all that matters. For the chest, I think the added engraved plate would be a nice addition. Would you be keeping the engraved plate from your Mother's wedding in there as well? If so, handing this chest down and adding additional plates could become a nice tradition.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>I love the idea of adding a new plate to the chest! Especially since you know they want the piece itself...</div><div>
</div><div>The silverware I could go either way. I would see if you can find an inexpensive replacement piece(s) for what you know is missing. (I think you said it was one fork?) If you want to but another place setting or two that is up to you. I would not be offended by you getting it off of EBay or Craigslist as long as the pieces matched the pattern.</div>

krizzo17 · April 2013

I think giving it to them as is is completely acceptable. If you'd like the complete the set, I'd also suggest looking at Replacements.com - their prices tend to be better than Macys, and you could buy individual knives and forks. This way, you could fill out the remainder of the pieces they use most often (salad fork, dinner fork, knife) and forgo the rest of the pieces that they might use less frequently. Or, you could buy some now, and continue buying a few items at a time for birthdays, Christmas, and other occasions in the future. This would spread out the cost over a few years and make it much more manageable.

ETA: Online auction is not tacky at all; and since they clearly appreciate this gift, give them the brochure as well so they can see it's history.

radleyboo · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-tacky-or-a-good-idea-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e37c505-f721-4075-8d9d-8ab9e0b8f894Post:0fa63380-718c-43a1-9bba-c159e228e523">Re: Is this tacky or a good idea? What to do!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think giving it to them as is is completely acceptable. If you'd like the complete the set, I'd also suggest looking at Replacements.com - their prices tend to be better than Macys, and you could buy individual knives and forks. This way, you could fill out the remainder of the pieces they use most often (salad fork, dinner fork, knife) and forgo the rest of the pieces that they might use less frequently. Or, <strong>you could buy some now, and continue buying a few items at a time for birthdays, Christmas, and other occasions in the future</strong>. This would spread out the cost over a few years and make it much more manageable.
Posted by krizzo17[/QUOTE]

This! Great idea! Maybe buy some additional pieces for their anniversaries!

hacked · April 2013

Towle still makes this pattern- it is Old Master, and had been made since 1942, as their website says. It is easy to find. I love the idea to replace or add to the set for gifts later on. It sort of spreads the cost around.

Years ago, I got a teacup and saucer for my sister's in my mother's chiona, which ecnded up with his second wife (my mother died fairly young). It may not have been her actual china, but I remember her telling me she chose it because the inside of the teacups were painted with the dogwood flowers that was also around the border of the plates. I got the cups from replacements.com. It was a hard-to-find pattern.

I sort of feel bad seeing the silver go, but I never use it and they will, and they will love it. For one of my mother's wedding shower, the hostess gave her a pin with a tiny spoon on it, maybe 2 1/2 inches long. I will keep the spoon pin, so I still have a piece of the silver my mother so loved. I am excited about giving them both the chest and the silver. Son likes the chest more than FI, and the FI will LOVE the silver, son will not be as excited. Something for each!

hacked · April 2013

Any idea what the engraved plates should say?

s-aries8990 · April 2013

I don't think that you need to necessarily buy two more place settings, just get the pieces needed to make the current set complete.

Define a plate on the chest - is it going to be on top? on front? placement? I think a plate on the INSIDE (which it seems to be based on OP) is fine, adding sentiment, but putting it on the outside might ruin it.

OliveOilsMom · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-tacky-or-a-good-idea-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e37c505-f721-4075-8d9d-8ab9e0b8f894Post:67baf787-fa46-4443-a696-622b6249191b">Re: Is this tacky or a good idea? What to do!</a>:
[QUOTE]Any idea what the engraved plates should say?
Posted by hacked[/QUOTE]

I think you should replicate what the plate says on your parents plate. And perhaps add one for you and your husband too, so B&G can see the generations who owned the chest and any subsequent generations as well.

AdeleDazeem · April 2013

Oh man, I'm jealous. I'd loooove my grandmother's hope chest. My sister got it instead and I'm a little sad about it.

Of course, I have my grandmother's engagement ring so I should stay quiet. I love my grandmother dearly - she is still with us and I'm grateful every day. OP, this is a lovely gift for your son and his wife.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-tacky-or-a-good-idea-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e37c505-f721-4075-8d9d-8ab9e0b8f894Post:c83bccac-b5b7-4a85-be62-1ee17bf4173b">Re: Is this tacky or a good idea? What to do!</a>:
[QUOTE]Give them the set as-is. It is a lovely gift. I have a service for 8. I have seldom needed more than that. <strong>Who has a dinner for 12 these days</strong>? Dining rooms are smaller in modern houses. You can fill in the missing pieces on subsequent gift giving occasions if you like. Ebay is a good source. I gave my daughter a service for twelve of the old quality heavy silverplate (new). I wish it could have been sterling. She will inherit my set someday. I still use it.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

**raises hand**

For Christmas Eve dinner last year I had a dinner for 12 and used my Nanny's china that my Mom gave me. So happy that I had a place setting for 12 so I didn't have to mix and match plates or go out and buy an inexpensive set of dishes at IKEA or something of the like.

But I have been very much considering purchasing the caterer's 12 piece place setting from Pottery Barn along with the 36 piece flatware set just to have a large set of dishes that could be used for both causal and slightly fancier dinner parties. I just wish the caterer's set came in a 16 piece as well.

Then again, I like having dinner parties and even for casual affairs (superbowl and other such events) I prefer using real dishes as opposed to paper. But I am weird like that.

Kate61487 · April 2013

I think this is a beautiful idea. I would just round out the current set. As PP's mentioned you could continue to fill out the set over the next few years for Christmas, Anniversaries, etc.

I'm kinda with Stage on the plate. I think it's remarkably special to have the plate showing the grandparent's wedding date. If an additional plate would be put inside next to the original (not over) I think it's fine but I wouldn't want anything to cover up the history of the piece.

hacked · April 2013

Yes, I think they would like the sterling. Most of the pieces are from 1952, and they are in a tarnish-proof box. It has never, ever been polished, and it does not need polishing, even though I have only used it twice in the last 10 years. Those Pacific SilverCloth boxes are great. I store all my wedding silver in them, and I have never polished my silver in the 38 years since I got married. They are worth the investment. So, I don't feel as though the silver is a head-ache for them. If they don;t use it, they still have it and it denotes family.

The original plate on the cedar chest said "Joan, July,1952- Howard. I really cannot say "My name (do I add my husband's name? We have had it in our home all these years)- to Their Names, 2013, as it seems a little odd. In a way, it is being given to them from the generations that used it, and not just my husband and myself. My chest says "To My Name, with love from "My husband's name" and "Christmas, 1982". It had an order blank inside from Lane to have it engraved for just a few dollars.

Maybe To S---- and S---, on the occasion of their wedding, November 2, 2013, without saying who it is from???

I have decided to get the fork and spoon, to make 10 complete place settings, and anyone can help get the rest, or we can get it later as Christmas, anniversary or birthday gifts. I may give it to them early, so if others want to register for more pieces, even as wedding gifts, they can. My family may want to do that. This silver was used at all family occasions, and we all love it and have fond memories of it.

krispi921 · April 2013

My parents have the Old Master pattern, and it is very pretty. I like the idea of giving them extra pieces in the future. My parents were married in 1975, and my dad still gets my mom a piece or two every Christmas.

For purchasing silver, I have used silversuperstore.com a lot in the past. At that time, their prices were very competitive. I'm not sure where they rank now.

Is this tacky or a good idea? What to do!

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