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Wedding Etiquette Forum
hgminor
member
WWYD? To invite or not to invite. Long- sorry
Short version: would you invite an old friends if your parents were against them being invited?
Extended story:
I have a situation with one person on my current guest list. We were very close friends in college and after for an extended period of time. I would say he was basically my older brother- watched out for me at school, would invite me to hang at his house with his roommates, one of which I started dating for a while, and generally always being there for me.After he graduated school he actually got a job working with my father. At first it was fine but over a few years he started to get kinda snarky and began saying some not nice things about my dad. It was just that whole "being someone's assistant but having your own ideas and wanting to make changes when it isn't really your place to do so yet" mentality.
Eventually he got his own job within the same area, which meant they still worked with each other, and things kept going downhill. My dad changed to a new school district after a lot of unnecessary drama. Obviously, his rudeness to my dad put a strain on our friendship.
After I got engaged I saw him at a work convention, where he did a few very mature things. He apologized for the way he had acted (to me, as far as I know he hasn't actually said anything to my dad), and then congratulated me on my engagement. We talked for a bit until he had to leave for the evening. Later I got a text message with his address for an invitation.
My mom is very against him being invited, my dad says he wants whatever I want, and I'm completely torn. On one hand, he was a unprofessional jerk to my dad and shouldn't have just sent me his address assuming anything. On the other, he was a very important friend to me.
My parents are paying for most (venue and food), so my head says to just ignore the address and not invite him, but a part of me is also sad that this is what happened to our friendship.
WWYD? Side with parents and their pockets, or go to bat for an old friend?
ETA: to sum it up at the top
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD? To invite or not to invite. Long- sorry
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
If my parents requested I not invite someone and that person wasn't in my top 20 list of people I wanted at my wedding, I wouldn't hesitate to honor their wishes.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
[QUOTE]Are you just going to leave him hanging and not invite him after the text he sent? Or are you going to follow up and say "my parents' feel it would be best for you to not attend"? I'm just curious - seems like he put you in a bit of an awkward situation by texting you his address. Maybe he was just trying to be helpful in case you did want to invite him, I don't know how he worded his text.
Posted by kerbohl[/QUOTE]
<div>Um... I honestly have no idea. From lurking around and reading, I've heard its really rude to have the "you're not invited" convo, so I figured that would be the lesser of the two evils.</div><div>
</div><div>His text was pretty much just his address... I know he was just doing it to be helpful, it just makes the awkward situation with him versus my dad even more awkward.</div>
Would it be crazy wierd for your to and write out a note saying that it was great to run into him... maybe inviting him to a summer BBQ... to go out to dinner with the FH if that is something you are interested in. If not maybe send a note that was great to run into him and that you hope to run into him again at maybe next year's convention??? sometime after the wedding so he might get the hint. Obviously, if you talk to him between now and the wedding, keep the focus off the wedding.