Moms and Maids

Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!

Okay so me & my husband have been married for a month now as of yesterday. We did a very small intimate wedding, immediate family only. Now we have plans to have something a little more traditional in October of this year with just renewing our vows and hosting a reception. We do still plan on having 4 bridesmaids and groomsmen stand up with us.

The theme of the wedding/reception is more of a vintage/rustic type of feel. I do realize it's a real fine line, but I definitely don't want country. Anyway, my MOH and I are having a hard time finding dresses for the girls. I've been told that you should allow a good 6 months before the wedding to have them chosen so they can be altered and all that. I am not however, opposed to them purchasing from different little boutiques and having each maid wear a different dress so long as they coincide with one another. This route would be cheaper, which I'm all for, but probably a lot more difficult. I've already tried to do a little hunting myself for dresses like these and am having no luck with finding what I have in mind as far as style and color. Does anybody have any suggestions?!? Thanks

Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!

  • You only get one wedding, unless you get divorced. You already had it a month ago. You can have an awesome party celebrating your marriage, but without wedding elements.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    With a vow renewal you should not have a wedding party.  You also shouldn't wear a huge wedding gown or have any of the traditional wedding elements, since, you know, it isn't a wedding.

    What you can do is, wait until you hit an anniversary milestone (5 years, 10 years, etc) and then have a lovely vow renewal.  Wear a pretty white/ivory sheath gown or short cocktail dress (nothing huge and nothing bridal so no veil either), have an amazing party with great food, booze and music.  Get a pretty cake that you can cut if you want and dance the night away with familly and friends celebrating your marriage.  But don't do any spot light dances or the bouquet/garter toss.

    What you need to understand is that as an adult you choose to have the wedding you did.  You cannot go back and have a redo just because you didn't get your pretty princess day.  When you make a choice you have to realize that by making that choice you gave up your chance to have the big, traditional wedding.  Accept your wedding for what it was and enjoy being married.  Don't try to redo things just because you feel you may have missed out on something.

  • Agree with PPs that having a designated "wedding party" for a vow renewal or a post-wedding celebratory party isn't really appropriate, etiquette-wise.  Sinceyou've already had your wedding, there's just really no need to have people stand up with you in matching outfits- and spending money on dresses/tuxes for a vow renewal rather than an actual wedding is, IMO, way too much to ask of your loved ones. 

    That said, nothing wrong with honoring the people you want to designate in some way- asking them to give toasts, seating them and their SOs with you, etc.  But really, just let them all wear something that makes them feel beautiful, and take some lovely group pictures together.
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_newbie-here-bridesmaid-dress-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:03050b20-65f3-4c6f-b453-7db4562be3d8Post:c63afef5-7dc2-45e2-9358-1b8c60142569">Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so me & my husband have been married for a month now as of yesterday. We did a very small intimate wedding, immediate family only. Now we have plans to have something a little more traditional in October of this year with just renewing our vows and hosting a reception. We do still plan on having 4 bridesmaids and groomsmen stand up with us. The theme of the wedding/reception is more of a vintage/rustic type of feel. I do realize it's a real fine line, but I definitely don't want country. Anyway, my MOH and I are having a hard time finding dresses for the girls. I've been told that you should allow a good 6 months before the wedding to have them chosen so they can be altered and all that. I am not however, opposed to them purchasing from different little boutiques and having each maid wear a different dress so long as they coincide with one another. This route would be cheaper, which I'm all for, but probably a lot more difficult. I've already tried to do a little hunting myself for dresses like these and am having no luck with finding what I have in mind as far as style and color. Does anybody have any suggestions?!? Thanks
    Posted by nikbritn315[/QUOTE]

    I don't understand why you would be having a vow renewal after being married for less than a year or why you would have bridesmaids for a vow renewal?

    Let me guess... you are a special snowflake and HAD to get married last month and now want your PPD?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Thanks for all the advice and I must admit I wasn't sure about involving a wedding party or not. However, regarding anybody's misunderstanding about me (special snowflake), I don't feel I'm more special than anybody else nor am I trying to be greedy. There are certain circumstances as to why we did the quicky wedding. For example, being in a long distance relationship for 2 years then making plans to move me down to TX to be near the man I love only to finally realize, why wait? What is really important here, the marriage and us as a couple honoring God....or all the fluff that comes along with it? We decided to do what we believe was the right thing in God's eyes and make the decision to wed one another before living together. In other words we got engaged, married and moved me down to TX all within a week because frankly, that's all the time we had.

    That being said, I do agree, maybe I should just accept my marriage for the way it was and just focus on a reception to celebrate, but I don't feel it unnecessary to want the beautiful gown and some photos to remember it by. Not all of us have the money or resources to create an elaborate celebration, so I guess we just had to weigh out our options and decide what the true meaning of marriage was and what was really important to us. I have a lot to think about! Thanks again.
  • nikbritn315nikbritn315 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2013
    This sounds like a good idea. Thanks!

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_newbie-here-bridesmaid-dress-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:03050b20-65f3-4c6f-b453-7db4562be3d8Post:cbc925a3-309b-42ba-82a8-578c12b674e8">Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agree with PPs that having a designated "wedding party" for a vow renewal or a post-wedding celebratory party isn't really appropriate, etiquette-wise.  Sinceyou've already had your wedding, there's just really no need to have people stand up with you in matching outfits- and spending money on dresses/tuxes for a vow renewal rather than an actual wedding is, IMO, way too much to ask of your loved ones.  That said, nothing wrong with honoring the people you want to designate in some way- asking them to give toasts, seating them and their SOs with you, etc.  But really, just let them all wear something that makes them feel beautiful, and take some lovely group pictures together.
    Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_newbie-here-bridesmaid-dress-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:03050b20-65f3-4c6f-b453-7db4562be3d8Post:b48abf59-e821-4f6b-8cce-1cc9101df408">Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the advice and I must admit I wasn't sure about involving a wedding party or not. However, regarding anybody's misunderstanding about me (special snowflake), I don't feel I'm more special than anybody else nor am I trying to be greedy. There are certain circumstances as to why we did the quicky wedding. For example, being in a long distance relationship for 2 years then making plans to move me down to TX to be near the man I love only to finally realize, why wait? What is really important here, the marriage and us as a couple honoring God....or all the fluff that comes along with it? We decided to do what we believe was the right thing in God's eyes and make the decision to wed one another before living together. In other words we got engaged, married and moved me down to TX all within a week because frankly, that's all the time we had. That being said, I do agree, maybe I should just accept my marriage for the way it was and just focus on a reception to celebrate, but I don't feel it unnecessary to want the beautiful gown and some photos to remember it by. Not all of us have the money or resources to create an elaborate celebration, so I guess we just had to weigh out our options and decide what the true meaning of marriage was and what was really important to us. I have a lot to think about! Thanks again.
    Posted by nikbritn315[/QUOTE]

    You made an adult decision to get married when you did. Your reasons aren't original or different from many other couples. You decided you wanted to end your long distance relationship and live with your guy. This was your decision. The result of that decision was a quick wedding. I understand that it probably wasn't everything you dreamed of since you were a little girl. But this is life.

    You arent a bride anymore. You are a wife. Celebrate that. Acting like a bride (big dress, bridal party, bridal shower, bach party) would be inappropriate.

    Have a vow renewal at a milestone anniversary, not after a few months.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_newbie-here-bridesmaid-dress-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:03050b20-65f3-4c6f-b453-7db4562be3d8Post:35abf6a0-d844-41c0-b7c1-8056849a89e0">Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!! : You made an adult decision to get married when you did. Your reasons aren't original or different from many other couples. You decided you wanted to end your long distance relationship and live with your guy. This was your decision. The result of that decision was a quick wedding. I understand that it probably wasn't everything you dreamed of since you were a little girl. But this is life. You arent a bride anymore. You are a wife. Celebrate that. Acting like a bride (big dress, bridal party, bridal shower, bach party) would be inappropriate. Have a vow renewal at a milestone anniversary, not after a few months.
    Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

    All of this.

    It is like the saying, "you can't have your cake and eat it to".  If you had really wanted the big dress and pictures to remember your day by you would have sucked it up and waited until you were able to plan the big wedding.  But you made an adult decision to marry quickly so that you could be with your love.  I completely understand that, but that doesn't mean you also get the big PPD as well.

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_newbie-here-bridesmaid-dress-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:03050b20-65f3-4c6f-b453-7db4562be3d8Post:c63afef5-7dc2-45e2-9358-1b8c60142569">Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so me & my husband have been married for a month now as of yesterday. We did a very small intimate wedding, immediate family only. Now we have plans to have something a little more traditional in October of this year with just renewing our vows and hosting a reception. We do still plan on having 4 bridesmaids and groomsmen stand up with us. The theme of the wedding/reception is more of a vintage/rustic type of feel. I do realize it's a real fine line, but I definitely don't want country. Anyway, my MOH and I are having a hard time finding dresses for the girls. I've been told that you should allow a good 6 months before the wedding to have them chosen so they can be altered and all that. I am not however, opposed to them purchasing from different little boutiques and having each maid wear a different dress so long as they coincide with one another. This route would be cheaper, which I'm all for, but probably a lot more difficult. I've already tried to do a little hunting myself for dresses like these and am having no luck with finding what I have in mind as far as style and color. Does anybody have any suggestions?!? Thanks
    Posted by nikbritn315[/QUOTE]
    This isn't a wedding/reception, it's a vow renewal.  Vow renewals don't have wedding parties.  Your whole plan is inappropriate.



  • If what matters the most is the marriage itself then why are you having a pretty princess day? I can't understand why you would renew your vows within less than 10 months of marriage. By the time I get married I will have had a 2 year engagement. I lack sympathy for anyone who pulls this stunt.

    image 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

     

     

     

  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_newbie-here-bridesmaid-dress-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:03050b20-65f3-4c6f-b453-7db4562be3d8Post:b48abf59-e821-4f6b-8cce-1cc9101df408">Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the advice and I must admit I wasn't sure about involving a wedding party or not. However, regarding anybody's misunderstanding about me (special snowflake), I don't feel I'm more special than anybody else nor am I trying to be greedy. There are certain circumstances as to why we did the quicky wedding. For example, being in a long distance relationship for 2 years then making plans to move me down to TX to be near the man I love only to finally realize, why wait? <strong>What is really important here, the marriage and us as a couple honoring God....or all the fluff that comes along with it?</strong> We decided to do what we believe was the right thing in God's eyes and make the decision to wed one another before living together. In other words we got engaged, married and moved me down to TX all within a week because frankly, that's all the time we had. That being said, I do agree, maybe I should just accept my marriage for the way it was and just focus on a reception to celebrate, but I don't feel it unnecessary to want the beautiful gown and some photos to remember it by. Not all of us have the money or resources to create an elaborate celebration, so I guess we just had to weigh out our options and decide what the true meaning of marriage was and what was really important to us. I have a lot to think about! Thanks again.
    Posted by nikbritn315[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>If the bolded was really true, you would not feel a need to have a pretend wedding when you already had a real one.

    </div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_newbie-here-bridesmaid-dress-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:03050b20-65f3-4c6f-b453-7db4562be3d8Post:8628b43e-cadf-4bd7-af6c-e75ac4d64d0d">Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie here!! Bridesmaid dress advice!! : If the bolded was really true, you would not feel a need to have a pretend wedding when you already had a real one.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

    my thoughts exactly.

    Also - <strong>brides</strong>maid.  <strong>grooms</strong>man.  see the problem there?  Those roles don't exist for a vow renewal because there's no bride and no groom.  and the idea of "renewing" life-long vows after just 10 months is pretty silly, don't you think?
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I didn't see anything harsh.



  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Retread can please note what may have been "harsh" in this thread?  Because I don't see it.

  • RetreadBride - Yes, this board can be very harsh and I commend you for addressing this obvious issue. If you want more newbies to post, these "ladies on the board" need to incorporate a little less criticism and a little more kindness, while still getting their points across. Hard to do at times, but not impossible.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Still waiting for examples of harshness.



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