Was I too Insensitive?

ChristinaP89 · April 2013

Hi, I'm new to this board but I really needed a place to vent. Our wedding is a month away and we've just lost a groomsmen. He was an old coworker of my FH and today he sent a message that he couldn't be a groomsmen anymore since his wife felt she wasn't included in the wedding.

It started last Sunday when the guys went to get measured for their tux. We didn't really have a get together planned, it was just the guys going to Mens Warehouse and she was upset that I didn't ask her to hangout. I didn't think much of it at the time until yesterday I got a text from FH asking if it was too late to have another bridesmaid. Since we had to custom order dresses for everyone I told him that there wouldn't be enough time to order her a dress to match. He asked if there was anything that she could help with and I mentioned that we could use some help assembling centerpieces if she'd like. I said I would ask her over FB but it slipped my mind yesterday.

It feels so strange, I went to her baby shower and met her only once. Since we both have young kids it's hard to find time to get together. The only wedding things I've done with my bridesmaids so far was ordering our dresses online and assembling invites about a month ago. Should I have tried harder to include her?

AprilH81 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-too-insensitive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:783210d0-b3b9-4fb9-b1ec-2ee6536daa32Post:6a072b97-8262-43cc-811b-f52ee4daaec3">Was I too Insensitive?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, I'm new to this board but I really needed a place to vent. Our wedding is a month away and we've just lost a groomsmen. He was an old coworker of my FH and today he sent a message that he couldn't be a groomsmen anymore since his wife felt she wasn't included in the wedding. It started last Sunday when the guys went to get measured for their tux. We didn't really have a get together planned, it was just the guys going to Mens Warehouse and she was upset that I didn't ask her to hangout. I didn't think much of it at the time until yesterday I got a text from FH asking if it was too late to have another bridesmaid. Since we had to custom order dresses for everyone I told him that there wouldn't be enough time to order her a dress to match. He asked if there was anything that she could help with and I mentioned that we could use some help assembling centerpieces if she'd like. I said I would ask her over FB but it slipped my mind yesterday. It feels so strange, I went to her baby shower and met her only once. Since we both have young kids it's hard to find time to get together. The only wedding things I've done with my bridesmaids so far was ordering our dresses online and assembling invites about a month ago. Should I have tried harder to include her?
Posted by ChristinaP89[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think the groomsman's wife is crazy pants. Are you friends with the woman outside of FI's friendship with her husband? She is especially crazy if you are not.

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ChristinaP89 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-too-insensitive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:783210d0-b3b9-4fb9-b1ec-2ee6536daa32Post:32f91e07-52c1-4eb7-ae67-cd19c1f598aa">Re: Was I too Insensitive?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Was I too Insensitive? : I think the groomsman's wife is crazy pants. Are you friends with the woman outside of FI's friendship with her husband? She is especially crazy if you are not.
Posted by AprilH81[/QUOTE]
Thank you so much for your response, I really needed someone elses perspective. We are "friends" on facebook but the only time I've met her was at her baby shower and I never talk to her at all. I feel bad since she seemed so pleasant to me the one time we met.

ChristinaP89 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-too-insensitive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:783210d0-b3b9-4fb9-b1ec-2ee6536daa32Post:841db66f-c09b-4cc9-bbde-955ee6009721">Re: Was I too Insensitive?</a>:
[QUOTE]She's nutty. Ignore it.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]
I'm more worried about my FH friendship with his ex-groomsmen. Is there a tackful way to talk to her about this?

MayDay513 · April 2013

There's no point in talking to her about it. She sounds crazy pants. Who demands to be a part of a wedding? So the groomsman dropped out because of her, that's nutty!. You aren't crazy.

AddieCake · April 2013

Yep, she's nuts. The only person you need to talk to about it is your fiance. Just tell him you don't feel someone you have met ONCE is someone you would have standing in your wedding party. I guess if you're worried about it causing trouble in the friendship with your husband, you could ask her to be a reader, but you shouldn't have to do that.

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

She's not only insane, she's massively rude, presumptuous, and a primadonna. It's time to thank your lucky stars that you had a legit reason she couldn't join the wedding party!!!!

ChristinaP89 · April 2013

I'm already stressed out about some unexpected bills so I don't think I'm as clear-headed about the situation. My FI only had 3 groomsmen and now he's down to 2. I'll have a talk with him to see if that really bothers him and I'll probably show him this thread so he can see that I'm not the only one to think this is weird.

Maggie0829 · April 2013

Honestly I think your FI should be mad at his GM for dropping out for such a ridiculous reason. It show just how good of a friend he is and your FI may be better off without him in the wedding.

The GM's wife is nuts. Ignore her. Tell your FI you are sorry that this crazy lady has decided to go cookoo and force her H to drop out.

You shouldn't have to do anything to include her because you don't know her nor are you friends with her and your FI should understand and respect that.

AprilH81 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-too-insensitive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:783210d0-b3b9-4fb9-b1ec-2ee6536daa32Post:7d79baad-bbaa-40d9-b0dc-b18f50ab60a7">Re: Was I too Insensitive?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was I too Insensitive? : Thank you so much for your response, I really needed someone elses perspective. We are "friends" on facebook but the only time I've met her was at her baby shower and I never talk to her at all. I feel bad since she seemed so pleasant to me the one time we met.
Posted by ChristinaP89[/QUOTE]

<div>No sane person expects to be a bridesmaid for a woman she has met once. No matter how close her husband is to the bride's fiance.</div><div>
</div><div>She is worse than crazy pants, she is bat crap crazy. lol</div>

glitterunicorn13 · April 2013

I sense a deeper reason for the GM stepping out... HOWEVAH... the wife IS "crazy pants" like everyone said... and you cannot fix crazy, even with Crazy Glue.... release her to the wild... put on some fresh lipgloss and keep walkin', girl!

ChristinaP89 · April 2013

FI will be home soon. I haven't seen the exact message he was sent from the GM so maybe there is another reason why he dropped out. Thank you everyone for your comments! It's very relieving to know that this is not normal.

aquari0216 · April 2013

That girl is crazy boots and needs to get ova herself......please......in my words "im LESS about the situation" as in I care less

ChristinaP89 · April 2013

I talked to FI and he's not too upset about it, kinda mad that the GM dropped out but his friends said they would love to take his place if need be. And to clear things up, it was my FI's idea to have her as a bridesmaid to include her. It turns out she was against her husband walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid and she said she would feel awkward sitting by herself at the church. It looks like FI wants to uninvite them to the wedding but I'll let him take care of that.

amc331 · April 2013

That lady sounds completely ridiculous! I have never heard of such a thing. And I'm sorry to say, but I'm pretty sure the groomsman still wants to be in the wedding, but feels pressure from his wife not to. Obviously I am just taking a guess there, but from the sounds of how she is, I think it's a huge possibility. You did nothing wrong in this situation!!! Good luck

Ella and Pedro · April 2013

Jumping a bit into a pool of deep conclusions, and speculation...

She is concerned about her husband walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid (another woman?) She is either irrationally jealous, or gunshy because he has been or formally did actually cheat on her. It's her insecurity showing here. I feel badly for her.

Valid concern based on her legitimate experience with a cheater, or delusion, it's sad, yes, either way?

Sassenach1743 · April 2013

Oh yeah, this is a much deeper issue for them.

She is crazy jealous and insecure to force her husband out of his friend's wedding because she doesn't want him walking with another woman during the ceremony or to sit alone in a church full of people, who's attention will not be on her at all anyway. Whatever her reasons (valid cheating mistrust or not) she is acting ridiculous.

Ignore this. Continue with your plans. If your FI wants to uninvite them that's his business, although I don't think it's necessary. I do think it's shitty of his friend to have dropped out and disappointed him but that's what happens when you're married to someone who is emotionally controlling. His problem. Not yours.

kazza25 · April 2013

Oh lordy! And this is exactly why I'm doing it in Vegas - no bridesmaids, no groomsmen, no NOTHING like that, just simply us two and a few good friends - who will all be part of the wedding equally as guests - no more no less.

Hope all ends up being OK and you have a fantastic day, regardless of insecure psychos

glitterunicorn13 · April 2013

Wowzers, she doesn't want to sit by herself for about 30 minutes to an hour???? Sheesh...... there are far more issues going on here than a therapist could get resolved in a month, don't try to make sense out of it, truly.... Best to you!!!!

Sydney91 · April 2013

Woof. That's all I can think of to say really. Wowie is she easily upset. Not boding well for their marriage. I honestly feel sorry for our GM and you two for having this happen. If she feels awkward sitting by herself at a church, she needs to put on her big girl undies and get OVER it! Maybe this makes complete sense to them somehow and things are being lost in translation. I would stay bewildered though and not ask for clarification. Just take the crazy and keep on moving. It's not the worst thing that can happen by a long shot. Just really annoying and petty.

mc4dj13 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-too-insensitive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:783210d0-b3b9-4fb9-b1ec-2ee6536daa32Post:6a072b97-8262-43cc-811b-f52ee4daaec3">Was I too Insensitive?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, I'm new to this board but I really needed a place to vent. Our wedding is a month away and we've just lost a groomsmen. He was an old coworker of my FH and today he sent a message that he couldn't be a groomsmen anymore since his wife felt she wasn't included in the wedding. It started last Sunday when the guys went to get measured for their tux. We didn't really have a get together planned, it was just the guys going to Mens Warehouse and she was upset that I didn't ask her to hangout. I didn't think much of it at the time until yesterday I got a text from FH asking if it was too late to have another bridesmaid. Since we had to custom order dresses for everyone I told him that there wouldn't be enough time to order her a dress to match. He asked if there was anything that she could help with and I mentioned that we could use some help assembling centerpieces if she'd like. I said I would ask her over FB but it slipped my mind yesterday. It feels so strange, I went to her baby shower and met her only once. Since we both have young kids it's hard to find time to get together. The only wedding things I've done with my bridesmaids so far was ordering our dresses online and assembling invites about a month ago. Should I have tried harder to include her?
Posted by ChristinaP89[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No, you were not insensitive. How dare she try to weasle her way into your wedding because she is the wife of a groomsman. It is obvious who wears the pants in that relationship. When someone is getting married it is like a flag waving high in the air for everyone and their mother to try to get in on being a part of the wedding. Proper etiquitte is that you have to be ASKED to be an attendent, not ASSUME it would be okay. I hope that groomsman wakes up and realizes how silly he is being for letting her run his life.

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