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Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide?

TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
It's a destination wedding so a little harder to guage who's coming and we really need to know if we're stetting up for 150 people or 250 people.

There will be a month between sending invites and the RSVP date - May 15 sending, June 15th deadline, Aug. 3 wedding.

Our room block also expires in June 1, so most people should know if they're coming relatively soon.

Am I missing any big no-no?

Thank you!!
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Re: Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You will save yourself a lot of headache if you put the RSVP as close to the wedding date as possible, while still giving yourself time to get numbers into the venue and make phone calls.  

    We needed our numbers 7 days out and put our RSVP date 7 days before that.  We didn't start calling until 5 days before we needed the numbers to the venue.

    6 weeks is a long time.  Some people can't commit that far out.  Or stuff comes up at makes people have to change their response.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited April 2013
    In Response to Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide?:
    [QUOTE]It's a destination wedding so a little harder to guage who's coming and we really need to know if we're stetting up for 150 people or 250 people. There will be a month between sending invites and the RSVP date - May 15 sending, June 15th deadline, Aug. 3 wedding. Our room block also expires in June 1, so most people should know if they're coming relatively soon. Am I missing any big no-no? Thank you!!
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    I don't know the etiquette response so I'll just give response from my perspective.
    Did you send a STD?

    If no STD, I'd say the sooner the better from my perspective. It's hard for FI to coordinate days off with any certainty so the more time the better for us.  If we had an STD, we would've already planned it though so no issue.

    ETA: I totally misread this. I thought 6 weeks out to SEND the invites...not for the RSVP date. Ignore me.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    That seems like a long time before the wedding date to have RSVPs back by.  Typically, depending on your venue, you should get RSVPs back 3 weeks before your wedding date.

    If you venue needs their final numbers a week before your wedding then you should give yourself a week to call anyone that hasn't RSVP.  So in your instance that would mean a deadline of July 19th.

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your hotel block expires two months before the wedding?  That's really sucky.

    I wouldn't have an RSVP deadline so far out, but if you must do it, I'd just expect more declines than normal since people just can't commit that far out.

    Our RSVP deadline is 2 weeks before the wedding.  

    I can see it being a little more difficult for a destination wedding, but 6 weeks seems bizarre. It just doesn't seem like your venue needs to be planning any details that far out.

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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary
    Thanks - we did send an STD to everyone. The hotel HOPEFULLY will keep adding rooms to the block, but the wedding is at the beach and it's the busiest time of year, so the hotel rooms were our biggest headaches. We got the price down and the 3-night minimum waived, but it's still a pain in the rear.
    I think one month out should be fine, I'll change back to the 1st of July.

    Thanks all -
    BB
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  • BriannasteveBriannasteve
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    i did 1 month, giving myself 2 weeks to track down whoever i needed to track down... i work a lot, i knew i would need the two weeks.
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  • MayDay513MayDay513 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers First Anniversary
    6 weeks seems far to have your deadline. I think the normal ettiquette for sending is 6-8 weeks.

    I get the needing to figure out who is coming to budget accordingly and it makes a difference with floor plans and stuff, but 6 weeks is really far out.
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  • BriannasteveBriannasteve
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to Re: Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide?:
    [QUOTE]My contract is due to my venue May 3rd which had to include the number of tables and chairs (which I pay per table and chairs) for my June 15th wedding. I can add tables if I need to for an additional fee, but can't reduce the number of tables. My RSVP date is May 1st. I didn't have a higher than normal decline rate. The people that declined we knew were going to and would have no matter when the wedding was. Mostly older military friends and distant relatives.
    Posted by Ctexasgurl26[/QUOTE]

    HOLY CROW!!! I've never heard of a venue making you give them more than a months notice! wow.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide? : HOLY CROW!!! I've never heard of a venue making you give them more than a months notice! wow.
    Posted by Briannasteve[/QUOTE]

    Honestly I'm shocked also.  Every where I worked wanted soft numbers 14 days out and hard numbers 72 hours out.

    I also had to rent every table, chair, napkin, fork, etc.  I still didn't need hard numbers until a week out.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Ignore my post. I had it in my head that you wanted to send the invites out at 6 weeks....not set RSVP.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to Re: Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does RSVP Date six weeks before wedding violate any etiquette guide? : HOLY CROW!!! I've never heard of a venue making you give them more than a months notice! wow.
    Posted by Briannasteve[/QUOTE]

    I'm with you on this one.  That is a ridiculous long lead time that the venue requies.  Heck my venue wanted a final head count 3 days before and they still needed to rent chairs and tables for my event.

    If my venue had told me I needed to give them final numbers more then one month out I would have pitched a fit. Sheesh my invites went out around when those numbers are due.  That is insane and ridiculous of that venue.

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  • Ella and PedroElla and Pedro member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Our wedding is March 29, and I thought RSVP deadline of March 1st seemed like a good idea.  We need to give a final count to vendors two weeks in advance (which, if I recall, is consistent with all our vendors). 

    I think picking an "easy to remember" date could help guests. Easy for me to remember too, if anyone was asking me via text message or e-mail.  Does this seem ok to everyone? 

    OP - I see your dilemma, but six weeks seems a bit harsh for many guests.  I know in my former job I never got authorization on leave days I requested until about a month before the date/s in question.  I suspect because many people have such issues, you may get many more declines.

    Good luck!
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary

    Thanks all! I spoke to the invitation folks, and went back to 4 weeks, July 1.

    Really, really appreciate the very quick responses!

    BB

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