At the risk of sounding like a B, I have a questionfor you all.
How many guests did you invite / are you inviting that nobody wants to attend?
To clarify: both sets of our parents have asked us to invite guests that they don't want there. They say that these relatives will probably not come because they haven't seen or talked to them in years (some as many as three decades), but that we have to invite them out of respect. Several of these guests live across the country, but some live very close to our parents and are 4 hours away from the wedding, which is a drive-able distance.
This paragraph is more of a rant: FILs are paying for alcohol and rehearsal dinner, and my parents are paying for the band, venue and food. FI and I are paying for the rest. After our parents' lists, FI and I have been left with about 20% of the guest list to invite our friends. We have both talked to our parents about removing these guests, and, multiple times, they firmly rejected us. Our parents are pressuring us to still invite our friends to make up for these "definitely-not-coming" guests, and FI is all on board with our parents' idea. I am in possession of the invitations and guest list, however, and I am not letting this happen. Our parents have already gone over their limit of guests, and since they are paying, it is what it is.
***For the record, turning down money is not an option at this point without hurting our families, and we are unable to pay for the wedding ourselves - our parents' guest lists grew only after they made expensive deposits. We've made peace with this and are moving on.
So it comes down to inviting guests that they don't want there and that they don't want to come. I guess I just don't understand WHY. Why is this "respect" thing so important? I was not invited to the weddings of my distant and estranged cousins, and I would be shocked if I was (and I would perceive it as a request for a gift). Would you guys perceive this differently? How many unwanted guests did you have to invite? And if there are any parents of the bride or groom who want to chime in, did you feel the need to invite any family members out of respect (and respect only)?