FMIL and FSIL problems

mashley3 · May 2013

My bridal shower is June 1st (23 days) and I'm an only child so my FMIL and my fiancé's 2 sisters have said that they are going to host the shower and do EVERYTHING so that I don't have to do anything. My FMIL and my 2 FSILs have always said that I'm family and I'm just as important to them as each other. The thing is that since we got engaged all my FSILs (and basically my FMIL too) have done is complain about the wedding and not once have any of them asked about wedding plans or if they can help with anything. I have tried to contact them about the shower and they ignore me. Help?

rel1988 · May 2013

So since you've been engaged they haven't asked to help with anything, but they've told you they are going to host the shower? I'm just a little confused on your wording... Do you have BM's who would help? Mother? You can't host your own shower and technically no one is "responsible" for throwing you one either. Did they ask you for a list of people you would want to invite? At this point with only 23 days out I would think invites would have needed to go out already.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

In Response to FMIL and FSIL problems:
[QUOTE]My bridal shower is June 1st (23 days) and I'm an only child so my FMIL and my fiancé's 2 sisters have said that they are going to host the shower and do EVERYTHING so that I don't have to do anything. My FMIL and my 2 FSILs have always said that I'm family and I'm just as important to them as each other. The thing is that since we got engaged all my FSILs (and basically my FMIL too) have done is complain about the wedding and not once have any of them asked about wedding plans or if they can help with anything. I have tried to contact them about the shower and they ignore me. Help?
Posted by mashley3[/QUOTE]

I am really confused here.

First you say that your FMIL and FSILs are going to host a bridal shower for you and that they say that you are family and are exteremly important to them and then you turn around a complain that they haven't helped with anything wedding related.

They are throwing you a shower for fluck sakes! How is that not being involved? Not everyone is over the moon excited about wedding planning like we here on TK are.

Finally, you need to stay out of the shower planning completely. You shouldn't be involved in planning a party for yourself. Let them handle it. If you get one great, if not oh well. But don't throw yourself a party, it is completely gift grabby and AWish.

AddieCake · May 2013

OK, good. I thought I was reading it wrong b/c I'm all hopped up on cake and sugar.

Your post makes no sense. If they are hosting a shower for you, they are actively involved. And you don't need to be involved in those plans other than date, time, level of formality so you know what to wear. Beyond that, don't worry about it. If you've tried to talk about the wedding and they ignore you, stop talking about it. Not everyone is going to be interested in all your wedding plans.

ETA: Is the shower for sure happening? Or are you suddenly thinking it's not since they ignore you about it and that's the issue?

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Good gravy, if spending hundreds of dollars hosting a freaking party in someone's honor is 'uninvolved' then I give up and am putting any female children I make up for adoption. Too high maintainence and difficult to please.

Ella and Pedro · May 2013

Perhaps they don't have spare money and are doing a very low key event as a result?

Perhaps they don't have time to deal with this, because of other stuff (life)?

Perhaps you should just be grateful for whatever it is you get/they do?

Not everyone has a family or friend throw them a shower.

At all.

Some people don't even have family or friends still living and available for such events.

Your problems with your relatives are... not really problems... unless we count the ingratitude.

saro2109 · May 2013

Well... this is kinda tough. As hard as it will be to do, you really just need to trust them. Especially if you're as close as you made it sound, I'm sure they've got it under control. YOU should focus on your actual wedding for now.

jenajjthr · May 2013

Did your future in-laws come up with the date of the shower or did your mom? Why would your mom send out invites if the in-laws are hosting? I'm so confused.

If they haven't planned anything yet, but your mom has sent out the invites, then your mom probably needs to start planning something. It will be at her house on a set day so she wil need to have a Plan B in case your in-laws don't do anything.

BTW if I told my FDIL that I would host a party, then her mom sent out invites, I would feel like I was being pushed out as the host.

MrsGandthebeag · May 2013

Sounds like your mom is now hosting the shower.

NeedWeddingFavors · May 2013

I think you are way too involved in something you have no control over. Your mom took the initiative to send out the invites so it is basically her shower at this point. Either she'll work it out with your FIL's or not, but there isn't really anything you can do about it.

Viczaesar · May 2013

Am I high? This whole thing makes absolutely no sense.

EPalmer2013 · May 2013

This whole thing sounds like a nightmare. Sorry! But I would focus on the wedding. If the shower happens, it happens. If not, people will bring their gift to the wedding.

And I have to agree with jennjjthr about your mother sending out invites and stepping on the toes of the FMIL and FSILs. That probably didn't help matters.

ingedesign · May 2013

ugh... I hope it all works out! stay out of it.. call your wedding party and sick that MOH on them! lol thats what im doing!

how big is the family?

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