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Here's an etiquette question for you...

HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This is from Miss Manners. The question just cracked me up....

 


D EAR MISS MANNERS: A rather despicable married friend has been estranged from her husband for years, yet they maintain a home together. She has had several love interests in the past few years. I suspect I’ve been used as her “beard” for some of her escapades.

I don’t really wish for her to be at our wedding, but nonetheless must invite her. I despise her husband and he feels the same of me. Is it permissible to simply invite her? I know her husband will not attend, and I fear if I address the invitation to Mr. and Mrs. it will encourage her to bring a guest.

If I’ve painted a portrait of a woman who lives beyond the conventions of etiquette, I have painted well, so please don’t say she’ll have sense enough not bring a guest other than her husband. She will not, and I can’t abide the thought of a married woman bringing a date to our wedding.

GENTLE READER: Are you seriously sticking Miss Manners with the premise that this person is your friend and you must invite her?

All right, but then she also accepts your premise that your friend is beyond the conventions of etiquette. In that case, if she wants to bring a guest, she will bring one, regardless of what you put on the invitation.

So you might as well do the correct thing and invite the couple as a couple. If a couple maintain a home together, etiquette does not investigate whether they are getting along.

 

Anniversary

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I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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Re: Here's an etiquette question for you...

  • Ella and PedroElla and Pedro member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Maybe the woman is affiliated with the writer's house of worship or place of work, or is her next-door neighbor.

    I have a similar challenge. 

    My stepsister (who is an AWFUL person - i.e. she abused her stepson to the point where my sister called social services) is in the midst of or on the cusp of a divorce.  Not only do I not want her there but I definitely do not want her and her SUPER-AWFUL husband.  I have nothing against their two sons.  I'd like them there. And I don't see any way to avoid asking this woman, because of the level of grief with my father and stepmother, if I don't invite her. 

    I am 90% sure she wouldn't come....but then again, one never knows?  Fingers are crossed, because I seriously don't want to spend $300 on the two of them, considering they have never sent me any birthday or Christmas greetings, not even a phone call, nor wished me well, even when I suffered a debilitating knee injury five years ago and spent a year in physical therapy/recovery, nor when my former fiance of 10 or so years ago was killed in a mugging incidence. 

    If I do invite her, I would have to invite him, because I'm not supposed to know they are discussing or threatening divorce with one another. And then I envision them bickering or whatever.

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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    They are friends why?????  I don't have to be friends with anyone.  You become toxic or a run-around on your husband and we are pretty much done.

    Loopy - Fruit Loop is one little cutiepie!
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