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The Issue of Alcohol

Englishteacher26_23009329Englishteacher26_23009329
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiancé is a deacon and Sunday School teacher. He also doesn't drink, he hasn't drank in several years. I drink a glass of wine maybe once a month if that, so since alcohol isn't a big deal to us, in respect of his church status, and to save money since we're on a  tight budget, we decided against having alcohol at the reception. Even though there are people in his family that drink, they respect this decision and are understanding of it. However, my family keeps giving me a hard time about it, including my parents. My parents and aunt keep "joking" about sneaking stuff into the reception. It's really getting annoying to me and it is hard for me to talk to them. If my family really does try to sneak alcohol into the reception or gets drunk beforehand, we will both be very hurt because it's disrespectful of our wishes. Has anyone else had a similar situation? If so, how did you deal with it?
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Re: The Issue of Alcohol

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited May 2013
    I haven't, exactly, had that issue, but FI's father is a recovering alcoholic who does like being around alcohol. Our reception is an open bar. He'll either deal or he'll leave early. I'm personably hoping for the latter, but whatevs. If you and your FI are hosting and paying, it's your call as to have alcohol or not. If your family can't accept that, then you need to have an honest conversation about how what they're soon is hurtful. Will you have a venue coordinator or a day of coordinator? Can you tell that person to watch out for people drinking? Good luck!!
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    They are adults.  You can't force them to respect your plans and wishes.   If you want to go so far as to hire security to toss anyone out who gets drunk and out of hand, you can do that.  The bigger deal you make of it though, the bigger deal it will be. Next time they bring it up, just tell them that you and your FI do not drink and hope that they can support you and enjoy themselves at your wedding even without the use of liquid courage out of respect for your plans and wishes.  Be calm, and don't debate it with them.  Just matter of factly state that you do not intend to have alcohol at your wedding as it doesn't fit your lifestyle and change the subject.  
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Is your reception being held somewhere like a church where alcohol isn't generally allowed? Maybe you could casually mention how you hope nobody sneaks any in because you could lose your deposit or hurt your FI's status in the church. Good luck, that sounds quite frustrating.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to Re: The Issue of Alcohol:
    [QUOTE]They are adults.  You can't force them to respect your plans and wishes.   If you want to go so far as to hire security to toss anyone out who gets drunk and out of hand, you can do that.  The bigger deal you make of it though, the bigger deal it will be. Next time they bring it up, just tell them that you and your FI do not drink and hope that they can support you and enjoy themselves at your wedding even without the use of liquid courage out of respect for your plans and wishes.  Be calm, and don't debate it with them.  Just matter of factly state that you do not intend to have alcohol at your wedding as it doesn't fit your lifestyle and change the subject.  
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
    This.  Also, not wanting a lot of alcohol is one of the reasons we opted for a morning ceremony with lunch reception. We served only mimosas and a glass of wine for a toast. We, our friends, and our families are drinkers, and if we had had an evening event, we all would have wanted alcohol (so we went out later for an after party). By having a much earlier event, the expectation of alcohol was significantly decreased. Is that an option for you?




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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm having a dry wedding as well, so I understand your concerns.  The best thing you can do if someone talks about sneaking in alcohol is have an honest conversation with them.  Tell them that this is what you and FI have decided, and that you really hope they respect that.  Then leave it alone.  It's really all you can do.  Perhaps talk to who ever is in charge at your reception, and see what they suggest.  Good luck!
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