Delegating...

lindanp · May 2013

I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this but you ladies always have great and honest answers.

Everyone I've talked to and everything I read says to make sure that you delegate on the day-of so you aren't running around trying to get everything set-up and taken down your self. But how do you do this? Do I politely ask people for these favors or wait for someone to offer? Is it appropriate for me to ask the wedding party members to each take a small job?

Also, what all did you delegate and what jobs are too big to ask of one person? Maybe I'm over thinking this but I have DIY centerpieces & ceremony decor to be set up and taken down on top of gifts to take home, cake to take home, tips to be given and whatever else I'm not thinking of that needs done...

QueerFemme · May 2013

In Response to Delegating...:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this but you ladies always have great and honest answers. Everyone I've talked to and everything I read says to make sure that you delegate on the day-of so you aren't running around trying to get everything set-up and taken down your self. But how do you do this? Do I politely ask people for these favors or wait for someone to offer? Is it appropriate for me to ask the wedding party members to each take a small job? Also, what all did you delegate and what jobs are too big to ask of one person? Maybe I'm over thinking this but I have DIY centerpieces & ceremony decor to be set up and taken down on top of gifts to take home, cake to take home, tips to be given and whatever else I'm not thinking of that needs done...
Posted by lindanp[/QUOTE]

You don't delegate to anyone. You don't give your wedding party "jobs". You hire a day of coordinator.

Weezy56 · May 2013

You should not delegate tasks to anyone. If anyone offers to help it is okay to accept, but you should not ask anyone to help. If there are things that need to be done that you or your fianc can't do or don't want to do, then you should hire a day of coordinator.

lindanp · May 2013

I really appreciate your reponses and your honesty because I really am (was) lost on this one. I don't want to be rude and I have not asked anyone for help. I've had one friend and my mom offer but just told them I appreciate the offer and will know more of what they can help with as the day draws near. And it's is definitely drawing near!

I also don't want anyone to reget offering to help us out. What would be considered too big a job to give someone? I understand that DIY things are my responsibility and all the set-up I can do. It's end of the night stuff that worries me, like taking things home. Also, somewhere I read that it's customary for the best man to hand out tips. Is that a bunch of crap? And Fi was planning to ask the BM to hold the rings. Is that something we should wait for him to offer?

Thanks again!

Calypso1977 · May 2013

we brought all of our stuff to the venue a day or two before and they set it uip for us. centerpieces we let people take home, and the only thing that we had to remove was the card box which we took ourselves, along with the few box gifts we got (most should send gifts to you ahead of time, rather than bringing them). its fine IMO to ask someone to help you carry stuff out in terms of your gifts, but no one should be asked to clean up. sometimes the venue will actually offer to bring the stuff to your car for you, it all depends on the location.

we didnt decorate our venue - if you are doing this, and the location requires you to remove it, id hire someone. you cant ask peopel to clean up that are your guests.

its fine to ask the BM to hold the rings - your officiant will probably make sure he has them anyway as that is what is usually done.

winelover123 · May 2013

I'm delegating my MOH (sister) to retrieve my champagne flutes and make sure that they get to either her house or mine after the reception. I'm not sure I'll remember. I think you can ask your MOH or mom to make sure an envelope gets to the caterer for tips or whatever the day of. As for everything else, you don't delegate. I have super DIY centerpieces too and don't expect my BP to help me make them. Sure, I bribed them into helping with pizza and wine and cookies, but not all of them wanted to help so not all of them came over to help. If they offer to help you can take it gratefully. If they don't want to help and don't offer, you pay someone to set up and take down decorations or do it yourself.

** I should mention my BP offered to help with my centerpieces before. I didn't out-of-the-blue bribe them into helping. They were happy to get paid in booze though :-D

OliveOilsMom · May 2013

Ditto PP.

FWIW, our best man handed out the tips. We had all tips placed into envelopes a few days before the wedding. He took them on the morning of the wedding and handed them out to the name/job description written on the envelope.

Also, whay type of venue do you have? Will your caterer be setting the tables for you? Can't you just drop off the centerpieces the day before, so the caterer can set it up for you. Also, our venue packed up our cake for us. And my parents helped take home the extra stuff our venue packed up for us to take with us, but they volunteered to help with that.

And the only thing I "delegated" was when I asked my dad to pick up the lunch for us girls and drop it off at the house where I was getting ready. But I asked him weeks before, when I ordered the food, if it was ok with him.

Kate61487 · May 2013

ditto PP - my parents were the hosts of our wedding; and as such they took care of final payments/tips. My parents pulled the car up at the end of the night and we loaded gifts; a few friends who were still there helped, but we didn't ask anyone to. As for set-up/tear-down: if your venue doesn't take care of this for you and you and FI/H don't have time to then you really need to hire someone. that's too big a job to ask of friends/family.

If my parents hadn't been hosting I don't think I would have hesitated to ask them to still make those final payments / tips - it's not a difficult job, and parents (depending on your relationship) are usually someone you can ask for help, but I still wouldn't have asked them to do set-up or tear-down.

lindanp · May 2013

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks again for everyone's responses. My venue is no help with the centerpieces but they are setting up and taking down pretty much everything else so I'm grateful for that.

I'll be looking into hiring a DOC to help with this and give those who offered to help something small.

tammym1001 · May 2013

I was MOH in my sister's wedding and I took care of a lot of that stuff for her. I collected all her gifts and got them to her house the next day. I also got her guest book, champagne flutes, and cake pillars that had to be returned to the baker. Her and her husband were leaving for their honeymoon from the hotel where the reception was so she brought me her dress before they left at 5 in the morning and I took it to the cleaners for her and I also took her bouquet and had it preserved. I did all this though because I told her that I would take care of it so she could just go on her honeymoon and relax. She never delegated these things to me.

AddieCake · May 2013

My bridesmaids and one of my aunts offered to set everything up the day of. My husband's groomswoman and her partner offered to help take things from our apartment to our hotel the night before and also to go and get anything I needed at any time. They were awesome. We didn't ask anyone for help, though; we just took it when it was offered.

Jen4948 · May 2013

You "delegate" by hiring someone to assist you on the day. You can ask people to help, but they may decline, in which case you have to accept their answer as final.

Ella and Pedro · May 2013

My advice is to hire a day-of coordinator.

We were going to DIY florals, which was going to include centerpieces as well as a number of other decor elements - hanging lanterns, twinkle lights, aisle florals, florals on the pergola, wreathes for the fireplace and front gate of the garden...some of these were going to require a team of two people with a ladder. The venue is in a downtown/urban area (which generally means fees and services cost more). Our DOC was going to charge us $600.00 for her team to install and then later remove these elements. This does not include the cost to use a garage for their vehicle (which we were going to pay), or their vendor meals (would have been 4, if they had accepted the offer to eat with us, which we planned to extend), and also does not include any tips. So really it was going to cost us about $850 (again, if we feed 4 vendors it would be $100 for just that, and parking for a day would have been $30-40.) Note that our venue required our vendors (including a DOC) to have a business license and be insured. I am guessing your venue may also require this. Many "cheap" DOC are not licensed and/or insured. Insurance is especially important if they have to climb a ladder.

Thus, we decided we would just hire a florist.

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