She's pregnant again... VENT

sierraberry32 · May 2013

Ok, so this girl is FI's younger sister, she got pregnant at 17 and had her baby at 18, now she just turned 19 and announced she is pregnant again... Joy.

I am now starting to wish birth control was mandatory for high school students...

beardownbchs · May 2013

A uterus should be like a drivers license. You must take a class on how to properly operate it before you're allowed to use it.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

We license people to drive, but not to procreate. It baffles me. I don't have any words of advice, but chin up, lady! Good luck!

What happened to the first baby -- did she keep it? Place it for adoption? Is the father in the picture? Is he financially contributing? Does Baby #2 have the same father?

smalfrie19 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]Yeah, man! Screw that Bill of Rights! Give control of that woman's body to the guvment! ::world's biggest eye roll::
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I am on both sides of the fence on this thread. I cannot understand why women constantly try and get pregnant when they cant afford to support their children and I think that its insane but I am also with stage that controlling what someone does with their bodies is wrong....I just...idk how i feel!

sierraberry32 · May 2013

In Response to Re: She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]We license people to drive, but not to procreate. It baffles me. I don't have any words of advice, but chin up, lady! Good luck! What happened to the first baby -- did she keep it? Place it for adoption? Is the father in the picture? Is he financially contributing? Does Baby #2 have the same father?
Posted by lemclane[/QUOTE]

Frst baby is being taken care of by the grandmother mostly, the father of baby #1 keeps running off and dissapearing for days at a time and he doesn't have a job because he himself is still in high school, and I have no clue who the father of baby #2 is...

beardownbchs · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : Women aren't out there impregnating each other. It's not that women are "trying" to get pregnant as much as it is both parties are failing to prevent pregnancy. It drives me up the wall when it's automatically the woman's fault when there is an unplanned pregnancy. It's just as much his fault for not wrapping it up as it is hers for not using protection.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

She's the one with the person potentially growing inside of her, she's the one who needs to make sure it's "wrapped up". Or even better, get herself on a more reliable method of birth control.

J&K10910 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : Women aren't out there impregnating each other. It's not that women are "trying" to get pregnant as much as it is both parties are failing to prevent pregnancy. It drives me up the wall when it's automatically the woman's fault when there is an unplanned pregnancy. It's just as much his fault for not wrapping it up as it is hers for not using protection.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

Oh.

I mean, yeah, it takes two and all that. And yes, he should be responsible for putting it on. But, she's the one that that penis is going into, yeah I'd say she has a considerable amount of responsibility to make sure it does not go in without a condom. I mean, let's say he doesn't put it on. She should just let him so we can blame it on him because it should be his responsibility? I agree that the responsibility should be shared. But when it comes down to it, if she needs to make sure there is not an uncondomed penis going into her vagina.

smalfrie19 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : Women aren't out there impregnating each other. It's not that women are "trying" to get pregnant as much as it is both parties are failing to prevent pregnancy. It drives me up the wall when it's automatically the woman's fault when there is an unplanned pregnancy. It's just as much his fault for not wrapping it up as it is hers for not using protection.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

That is certainly not what I meant. I am sorry it came out like that. But I know for a fact that there are women out there who DO try to get pregnant to trap a man (ie tampering with the condom or lying about being on birth control). Yes I know that when it is an accident, its is both parties fault, so if I were to accidentally get pregnant, it would be on me and FI. But there are also women out there who get pregnant and then file for child support or welfare to cheat the system.

J&K10910 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT: That is a horribly sexist attitude to have, and is also why we have so many deadbeat dads in our society.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I don't think she's saying that the guy shouldn't take responsibility. Absolutely he should. but if he's NOT, then yes, she needs to say "hey, nope."

It's not solely her responsibility either, but she has the final say (or should) over what is and isn't going into her vagina.

smalfrie19 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : There are also men who try to get women pregnant as a means of controlling them or keeping them form leaving. Believe me it cuts both ways.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

You are completely right and I 100% agree! It was just in response to the OP that I directed my commments to.

J&K10910 · May 2013

I'm in no way saying that a woman should have more responsibility. Not at all. I'm sorry it came off that way.

I'm just saying, in regards to condom use, that when it comes down to it, if the guy is not being responsible (which he absolutely should be), that yes, it then unfortunately becomes the woman's responsibility to say "we're closed."

It SHOULDN'T work that way. It sucks that it does.

Should she not say that, she is NOT any more responsible for that baby than he is. They both made choices leading to the creation of the child, and they both should be responsible.

I'm sorry that I phrased it poorly. I was commenting simply on the use of condoms or not, not the potential product of not using condoms.

beardownbchs · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : I don't think she's saying that the guy shouldn't take responsibility. Absolutely he should. but if he's NOT, then yes, she needs to say "hey, nope." It's not solely her responsibility either, but she has the final say (or should) over what is and isn't going into her vagina.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

This, exactly. I had a boyfriend who didn't care if I got pregnant and another who wanted me to (at 17). Neither of them even knew I was on the pill and if they weren't going to use a condom, they weren't getting any.

Sure, both parties are involved and responsible, but it's a lot easier for a shithead father to walk away from a baby than it is the mother.

J&K10910 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : A man also has final say about where he puts his penis. The whole notion that protection is more one gender's responsibility than the other's is absurd. Men and women are both capable of taking precautionary methods to prevent conception, if they fail to do so then both are equally at fault. ETA: And if they try to prevent conception and fail, neither are at fault. Sh*t happens.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

I feel like I'm speaking another language.

Yes. Absolutely. Of course. BUT IF THE MAN IS NOT TAKING PRECAUTIONS BECAUSE HE'S AN IRRESPONSIBLE TOOL, a woman is certainly able to still say "HEY, GO AWAY." And if she doesn't want children, she certainly SHOULD say that.

J&K10910 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : You're not speaking another language, you just didn't clarify what you meant until after I had already responded to a prior post.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

Didn't realize I needed to clarify that I thought the man had responsibility as well, when it was the first thing I said in the post you quoted.

daria24 · May 2013

And that's why they have condoms made of lamb skin and polyurethane. Although I believe both of those materials have a slightly higher fail rate.

J&K10910 · May 2013

In Response to Re: She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]It's rare...but there are some men who can't wear condoms. Latex allergy.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This is easily the stupidest post in this thread, unless you're being facetious.

J&K10910 · May 2013

There are also polyurethane condoms, which are much better than lambskin and almost as good as latex.

beardownbchs · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT: Why in the world were you having sex with douchebags?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Because I was like 16 and didn't give a rat's ass. I knew I didn't want babies so it didn't really matter to me what they thought.

J&K10910 · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : Not sure if this is sarcasm, but no it was not clear. Your earliest post made it sound like you felt the woman had the majority of the responsibility. The post I repsonded to said that while the man is responsible as well it is still ultimately up to a woman what she allows in her vagina, which sounded like more of the same. The post in between when I responded and went you went all caps lock warrior on me was what clarified your meaning for me.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

It IS though. I mean, yeah, it completely sucks if the guy is not taking responsibility. And he 100% should. Especially for any children that happen to be conceived. But I can't stand it when people say "well, I WANTED him to wear a condom, but he refused." Ok...then don't have sex with him. If you want someone to wear a condom and he refuses (and is not allergic), then he's a douche anyway that you probably shouldn't be having sex with regardless.

Viczaesar · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT: And that is a fine way to approach your personal life or how you raise your daughter. But as a general public opinion, saying that a woman has more responsibility than a man in any sex related consequence is a problem. And if we don't believe it, just look at the spread of HIV, teen pregnancy, and HPV. Condoms have become something a woman is supposed to force a man to wear in order to be allowed to have sex with her. Condoms SHOULD be something no man is willing to have casual sex without, but until we change public perception, that will never happen. Safe sex is always a responsibility of BOTH parties and a baby is far from the worst consequence of unprotected sex. Also, there is this constant assumption that the woman just blindly had unsafe sex if she gets pregnant. Condoms break, a lot. Plenty of women get pregnant on birth control due to everything from taking it incorrectly to having other medication unknowingly interact with it. Why, for the love of God, is the assumption that this pregnancy automatically came from allowing oneself to be mounted bareback?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Yep. My sister had two condom babies. (Her husband got snipped shortly after the second was born, even though he was only 22 at the time.) I have a friend who had an accidental pregnancy (don't know the specifics) and then she got pregnant again while on Depo. When my BFF called to tell me that she was pregnant she asked me "Did you know that being overweight and smoking makes the pill less effective? I didn't." There's a reason the real use rate and the perfect use rate for birth control are different. Humans are imperfect and use things imperfectly, and no method is 100% effective except abstinence.

Viczaesar · May 2013

In Response to Re: She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]I know about the lambskin condoms, but those are useless. I don't know why they're manufactured. The failure rate is high, and they do not protect against STDs. I'm not ignorant about birth control. I volunteered at Planned Parenthood. (had a lot of rocks thrown at me, too)
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
There are plenty of non-latex condoms that are not lambskin. I'm surprised you don't know about them if you volunteered at Planned Parenthood. They're more expensive usually, but they certainly exist.

ScrubGirl83 · May 2013

I don't post a lot, but I do feel strongly on this topic.

I work in labor and delivery and you would be surprised at how many teens think that they can get in trouble for buying condoms or going to Planned Parenthood. There are so many teens who feel pressured by their bf or gf to have unprotected sex. There are a lot of people who use the "rhythm method" (not really a very effective method to me) and wind up pregnant. It's heartbreaking to deliver babies to 14 and 15 year olds who didn't use protection because they thought they would get in trouble for buying them. I know there are plenty of people who have babies as teens and make it work, I'm not trying to bash teen moms here, but so many young people are so uneducated.

I wholeheartedly agree that schools need to teach real sexual education classes. I believe that condoms should be available in the school nurses office. I don't think this is enabling teens to have sex, I think this is helping the teens who have already decided they are going to have sex be safe about it.

To the OPs dilemma though, that girl should've known better. Every single doctor I work with asks their patients if they want birth control education after they've had their baby. A few weeks later. I mean, it's not like BAM baby! Hey you want an IUD while I'm down here? I hope her children get amazing childhoods. I have the same hope for every child born on my unit, weather to a teen mom or not.

ETA for typing issues.

lyndausvi · May 2013

Well that sucks that she didn't learn her lesson the first time. But what's done is done. Assuming she is keeping the baby you now have a niece or nephew coming. The best thing you can do is to provide love and emotional support. The children will have a hard time if their families think of them as unwanted mistakes.

FWIW - my brother (20) and now-SIL (19) had an opps baby after dating a few months. K is 18 now, graduates from HS in a few weeks and has a full scholarship to a private university majoring in nursing. I was pretty pissed and judgmental at first. I mean these 2 are not stupid people who didn't know better. But I got over it. I know for a fact that the love and support of both families is why bro and SIL graduated college, are still married and their now-2 daughters are amazing beautiful, smart women they are today.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

I completely agree that our repressive education system for sex needs an overhaul. It's stupid to not give teens the facts about what will happen if they do certain things. It's also almost criminal how skewed our facts are by corporations and lobby groups. Condoms 98 plus percent effective? Laughable. The rate at which most of these 'extra super thin' condoms break brings their effectiveness down to abyssmal levels. Straight out lying about their product effectiveness is scary dangerous to public health.

LizM61409 · May 2013

I'm an ob/gyn resident. Here are some conversations I have nearly every day:

Me: "So what are you using for birth control?"

Patient: "Nothing"

Me: "Oh, are you trying to get pregnant?"

Patient: (with attitude) "NO"

Me: <Stunned silence and wondering where our education system went wrong>

and

Me: "Do you use condoms?"

Pt: "No"

Me: "Why not?"

Pt: "He doesn't want to"

Me: "You do realize that this is YOUR body we're talking about. YOU are in charge of what happens to it. You are allowed to refuse to have sex with him if won't wear a condom"

Pt: <Look of confusion like she had never thought of that>

It's a sad state of affairs

QueerFemme · May 2013

I haven't read the whole thread, but the sexist, antiwoman attitudes on the first page made me want to vomit.

MoonlightSilver · May 2013

The girl's already pregnant. Do we really need to figure out who's to "blame?"

How about instead figuring out how she can get the support she needs, how she can continue her education, or ensuring she has healthcare access?

ETA: And now that we're discussing birth control methods... IUDs all the way.

Viczaesar · May 2013

In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:She's pregnant again... VENT : It doesn't. The warnings in the commercials about being overweight and a smoker pertain to the risk of clots and stroke, not loss of efficacy. It's a pretty well propagated myth, though.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]
I didn't say it did, I said that's what she told me. The point was that she was taking the pill regularly and still got pregnant.

s-aries8990 · May 2013

All I can say is oy-vey and good luck to her.

I agree, REAL sex ed needs to be taught in schools and birth control methods need to be taught to all parties. Girls need to learn that they are more than what their vaginas can do, and if the man doesn't see that, then he isn't worth allowing him in. *Sarcasm* Lucky for us, pop culture is promoting the exact opposite!

BostonGIrl4732 · May 2013

I agree that the current system we have DOESN'T work. At all. They don't teach consequences in public high schools. At least they sure didn't in mine. Or my parents apparently. I'm an oops baby myself.

s-aries8990 · May 2013

In Response to Re: She's pregnant again... VENT:
[QUOTE]For everyone just assuming BC failed or she didn't use it properly, how do you know she didn't WANT to get pregnant again? Of course that's probably not the best course of action for a 19 year old with a child, but that doesn't mean it's not the case. Maybe she was actively trying. No amount of Sex Ed will prevent someone who wants to have kids from doing so.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Too true.

I know a girl who had her first kid at 15 or 16. She kept going and is now 23 engaged to the father of her 3 children, ages 7, 4, and 1 (at least they're all with the same guy, right?)

But, again, all I can say is Oy-vey!

She's pregnant again... VENT

Re: She's pregnant again... VENT

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