MOB wants champagne - for her only

harper0813 · May 2013

My mom is allergic to red and white wine. She always opts for champagne when she drinks. She does not drink beer or hard alcohol.

Our open bar includes beer, wine, two signature drinks and, of course, soft drinks and juice. It also includes coffee service all night and a champagne toast with dinner. Every guest will be provided champagne.

Back when we got engaged and my mom and I were excitedly talking wedding (before I came on here), we both thought it would be a good idea to hide a bottle of champagne for the two of us to share throughout the night behind the bar, since she can't drink anything else and because I didn't want to spill anything on my dress that would stain (I thought I was a special snowflake back then). Well, of course, I nixed that idea recently, and my mom became upset because she would only be able to drink one glass at dinner and would have to drink soda the rest of the night. However, to add unlimited champagne to the open bar will cost us an extra $500, which strikes me as ridiculous, and my parents will not cover the cost. They think I should just hide the bottle for my mom and leave it at that. I suspect that this would cause confusion and some etiquette-hurt.

What sayeth ye?

Simply Fated · May 2013

Where the heck are you going to hide it, under your dress? If MOB wants the champagne so badly, she can fork over the 500.

Teddy917 · May 2013

I'm not sure if it's alright etiquettewise. But if I saw your mother with a bottle of champagne even though I didn't get any, I would be fine with it. Since it's because of a dietary restriction that you're doing it and now because you're better than everyone, I think it's fine.

marburger06 · May 2013

In Response to MOB wants champagne - for her only:
[QUOTE]My mom is allergic to red and white wine. She always opts for champagne when she drinks. She does not drink beer or hard alcohol. Our open bar includes beer, wine, two signature drinks and, of course, soft drinks and juice. It also includes coffee service all night and a champagne toast with dinner. Every guest will be provided champagne. Back when we got engaged and my mom and I were excitedly talking wedding (before I came on here), we both thought it would be a good idea to hide a bottle of champagne for the two of us to share throughout the night behind the bar, since she can't drink anything else and because I didn't want to spill anything on my dress that would stain (I thought I was a special snowflake back then). Well, of course, I nixed that idea recently, and my mom became upset because she would only be able to drink one glass at dinner and would have to drink soda the rest of the night. However, to add unlimited champagne to the open bar will cost us an extra $500, which strikes me as ridiculous, and my parents will not cover the cost. They think I should just hide the bottle for my mom and leave it at that. I suspect that this would cause confusion and some etiquette-hurt. What sayeth ye?
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

That's a pretty ridiculous request. Would you feel obligated to provide Godiva chocolates on the table for someone allergic to cake but who didn't like any other type of chocolate?? Just because your mom is allergic to a main type of alcohol does not mean you should be forced to cater to her very exclusive tastes. Is your reception at a hotel? If so maybe if she REALLY wants to drink you can keep a bottle in someone's room and let her go drink it there when she feels like it.

radleyboo · May 2013

We are having 2 types of beer and 4 types of wine at our wedding, and my mom doesn't care for any of them. She only drinks the sickly sweet types of wines that most folks don't like. We ordered one bottle of wine for her, and I told her it will be available for her. If there turns out to be a big demand for this sweet wine, FI and I will pick up a couple extra bottles, and not worry too much about it, but I'm doubtful this will happen. I don't think it's a big deal for you to do this for your mom, and I highly doubt anyone will question her on 'Where she got her champagne.' Funny thing, my sister can drink anything except champagne, it makes her ears and throat itch.

wittykitty14 · May 2013

If I saw the MOB sneak some alcohol that wasn't offered at the bar, I'd be like "huh?". I'd be confused more than anything.

She's being ridiculous. Either she should cough up the $500 or go without, or learn to drink what's she's not allergic too. Don't feel obligated to give in to her demands. Even if you have an extra $500, that's a lot you could spend on something else!

daveANDkristen · May 2013

Instead of the champagne toast for everyone, could you just have champagne available all night at the bar? Lots of people don't like champagne anyway, and will toast with their preferred beverage unless a glass of champagne is put in front of them.

banana468 · May 2013

Exactly why can she not drink white wine but she CAN drink champagne? I'm not understanding the differences that lead her to say she can be allergic to wine but not wine with bubbles.

misshart00 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:[QUOTE]Exactly why can she not drink white wine but she CAN drink champagne? I'm not understanding the differences that lead her to say she can be allergic to wine but not wine with bubbles. Posted by banana468[/QUOTE] I was thinking this too, but I know absolutely nothing about wine.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

In Response to Re: MOB wants champagne - for her only:
[QUOTE]Champagne is sparking white wine. How is it she can drink that, but not other whites? Aside from that, ask the venue if you can set up a consumption bar tab for champagne only. Then anyone can order it, including mom, but it won't cost $100. Most people aren't going to order it, so you might only have to pay for one or two bottles.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

All of this, especially the bolded, that is just weird. I have been to many weddings and even when provided for toasts people just don't drink that much champagne.

See if your venue will do a consumption cost for champagne only.

harper0813 · May 2013

Great ideas, everyone. I love the consumption cost idea as well as skipping the champagne toast. I'd imagine there will still be a slight price increase with the latter option, though, which is not in our budget at this point.

As for whether or not my mom is actually allergic to champagne - I have seen her drink white wine and get hives along her jaw, and I don't see her get these hives when she drinks champagne. I don't question it. As far as I'm concerned, she's not lying.

radleyboo · May 2013

In Response to Re: MOB wants champagne - for her only:
[QUOTE]Great ideas, everyone. I love the consumption cost idea as well as skipping the champagne toast. I'd imagine there will still be a slight price increase with the latter option, though, which is not in our budget at this point. As for whether or not my mom is actually allergic to champagne - I have seen her drink white wine and get hives along her jaw, and I don't see her get these hives when she drinks champagne. I don't question it. As far as I'm concerned, she's not lying.
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

There is 'something' different about champagne versus regular wine, what it is, I'm not sure. My sister has the opposite problem. She can drink regular wine all day long without issue, but gets the same hives if she drinks champagne. I know that regular wine has tanins in it, and I don't think champagne does, but I'm no expert. Just a guess at what might cause the problem.

yellowdaisies84 · May 2013

I know that people who are allergic to yeast have to avoid wine but can drink champagne. Maybe that's what the issue is?

scully931 · May 2013

I have to be honest, not only would i probably not notice, I wouldn't give a flying fig if i did. I think sometimes people spend way too much time thinking about things like this.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Champagne is one of two things: If it is made in true traditional style, it is white wine that has been sealed with an ice plug during fermentation, slowing down gas exchange and trapping carbonation released by yeast converting sugars. If it not made traditonally, it is white wine artifically injected with carbonation. Exactly like soda. Either way, it is white wine. Unless your MOB also is allergic to the yeasts in bread, I think she's blowing smoke. The traditional method still involves the occasional injection of sulfides to control he yeast bloom as well.

STARMOON44 · May 2013

Are you having multiple options of white wine? Could you sub champagne for one of those? Or make one of your specialty drinks a champagne cocktail, so people including mom could just order plain champagne?

artbyallie · May 2013

So she likes sweet wine? Champagne is dry, or at least it's supposed to be. And with 4 wine selections, I don't see why one can't be a sweet white. I prefer sweet wines myself. Moscato would be a great choice that other people will drink.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:
[QUOTE]I have to be honest, not only would i probably not notice, I wouldn't give a flying fig if i did. I think sometimes people spend way too much time thinking about things like this.
Posted by scully931[/QUOTE]

I will have to say that I feel this way as well, but seeing as this is an etiquette board I felt obligated to give an etiquette appropriate answer. But if I saw either the bride or groom or parents have something a bit more special then the other guests I certainly wouldn't care and would even think "wow that is really nice of the venue to make their day a bit more special."

So I am glad you wrote this. We went against etiquette at our wedding with a similar situation. My H loves grey goose but that is a top shelf liquor that was not an option for our middle of the road shelf open bar. So we asked if he could have a bottle just for him and they obliged. We also requested Malibu for my Dad and Mom because they love it. Again this was not an option for our open bar but they provided a bottle for them and only them. These bottles were kept under the bar and were only used when either my Mom, Dad or H went up to get a drink. Yes this is against etiquette because you aren't providing the same thing to all guests, but in the end all guests had access to vodka and rum just not those specific brands.

yellowdaisies84 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:
[QUOTE]Champagne is one of two things: If it is made in true traditional style, it is white wine that has been sealed with an ice plug during fermentation, slowing down gas exchange and trapping carbonation released by yeast converting sugars. If it not made traditonally, it is white wine artifically injected with carbonation. Exactly like soda. Either way, it is white wine. Unless your MOB also is allergic to the yeasts in bread, I think she's blowing smoke. The traditional method still involves the occasional injection of sulfides to control he yeast bloom as well.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

I'm not an expert, but I do have an aquaintance with a yeast allergy and that is how I have heard of someone who has to avoid wine but can drink champagne. She is not allergic to baked goods or bread that have yeast in them but she is allergic to the yeast in beer and wine. (and vinegar, I think.)

STARMOON44 · May 2013

Eww hubby is such a special snowflake he needs grey goose while everyone else swills smirnoff? This highlights how what seem like technical rules are actually there to keep you from making a selfish jerk of yourself on an important day.

banana468 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:I have to be honest, not only would i probably not notice, I wouldn't give a flying fig if i did. I think sometimes people spend way too much time thinking about things like this.Posted by scully931I will have to say that I feel this way as well, but seeing as this is an etiquette board I felt obligated to give an etiquette appropriate answer.nbsp; But if I saw either the bride or groom or parents have something a bit more special then the other guests I certainly wouldn't care and would even think "wow that is really nice of the venue to make their day a bit more special." So I am glad you wrote this.nbsp; We went against etiquette at our wedding with a similar situation.nbsp; My H loves grey goose but that is a top shelf liquor that was not an option for our middle of the road shelf open bar.nbsp; So we asked if he could have a bottle just for him and they obliged.nbsp; We also requested Malibu for my Dad and Mom because they love it.nbsp; Again this was not an option for our open bar but they provided a bottle for them and only them.nbsp; These bottles were kept under the bar and were only used when either my Mom, Dad or H went up to get a drink.nbsp; Yes this is against etiquette because you aren't providing the same thing to all guests, but in the end all guests had access to vodka and rum just not those specific brands. Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE] I was at a wedding where I saw the WP getting free drinks and I had to pay for a Diet Coke. I'm still annoyed that they did it.

winelover123 · May 2013

In all honesty, if I were a guest and saw MOB with champagne all night, I don't think I'd care. Hell, I don't think I'd even notice.

My on etiquette board advice would be to do the consumption bar for champagne only. Or see if you can get a few extra bottles and keep it on-request so if people want champagne, they can ask and get it. Most people don't go up to a bar and ask for champagne, even if they see it, so I think you'll be ok with that too. Can you change one of your signature cocktails to a Bellini or something so it's champagne based?

Maggie0829 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:
[QUOTE]Eww hubby is such a special snowflake he needs grey goose while everyone else swills smirnoff? This highlights how what seem like technical rules are actually there to keep you from making a selfish jerk of yourself on an important day.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

They asked us if there was anything that we liked to drink. H said he loved grey goose. They provided him a bottle. If they didn't offer it we wouldn't have requested it or asked for it. But since they offered then we took them up on it. So sue us.

Anyway it wasn't like H was walking around going "I am special. I have grey goose and you don't." in an annoying kiddie voice.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only: I was at a wedding where I saw the WP getting free drinks and I had to pay for a Diet Coke. I'm still annoyed that they did it.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I would be miffed with this too. My situation was a bit different seeing as we didn't make any of our guests pay for anything. Now I could see it being a problem if H was carrying around his bottle of grey goose while the rest of our guests had to shell out $10 a drink. But again, I would have never made anyone pay for anything which I think is much more rude then providing the groom with a special type of alcohol.

wrigleyville · May 2013

In Response to Re: MOB wants champagne - for her only:
[QUOTE]So she likes sweet wine? Champagne is dry, or at least it's supposed to be. And with 4 wine selections, I don't see why one can't be a sweet white. I prefer sweet wines myself. Moscato would be a great choice that other people will drink.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

It has nothing to do with taste. She's allergic to white wine but not champagne. That's why she can't have white wine, period.

STARMOON44 · May 2013

Nope, the Grey Goose thing is still super rude, even if the venue offered it. I can't really believe you're arguing this is okay on an etiquette board. You should treat your guests, if differently at all, better than you treat yourselves. The reception is your thanks to them.

harper0813 · May 2013

In Response to Re: MOB wants champagne - for her only:
[QUOTE] ETA: I went and googled it and some scientists think that what might cause this is glycoproteins (the ones that are responsible for hay-fever) or if the wine is very new, bee allergies! I would guess that since true sparkling wines need time to collect the carbonation, the bee and insect allergens dissipate. Don't suppose your mom has either allergy, does she?
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

It's never crossed my mind to research it - I appreciate that you took the time to!

I have no idea if she's allergic to glycroproteins or bees, but she does get horrible allergies in the spring. I've never seen her stung by a bee and she's never mentioned an allergy to beestings, but it's always possible. I feel like she's allergic to almost everything so I've never batted an eye at her wine allergy. And as PPs have said, I'm not sure if it's certain types of champagne or certain types of wine - she avoids all wines just to be safe and has never had a reaction to champagne. That being said, she doesn't drink terribly often. She honestly will have MAYBE two glasses of champagne at the wedding - so we're talking one extra glass here - but she really wants that option to be available for her.

Another option I'm considering is choosing a signature drink that has champagne in it. I'd probably include gin in there, too, but heck - it's sparkly, right?

ETA: Forgot to reply to the yeast allergy - that is an interesting possibility. That might be it - would it prevent her from consuming, say, balsamic vinegar, though? She eats a lot of caprese salads and vinaigrettes. I've NEVER seen her drink a beer, though. So if vinaigrettes aren't a problem, a yeast allergy might be the answer.

Maggie0829 · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:
[QUOTE]Nope, the Grey Goose thing is still super rude, even if the venue offered it. I can't really believe you're arguing this is okay on an etiquette board. You should treat your guests, if differently at all, better than you treat yourselves. The reception is your thanks to them.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is a thank you. We hosted our guests, quite well in fact. They were fed well and were provided drinks free of charge. There was a seat for every butt plus loads extra lounge seating. There was plenty of cupcakes for dessert as well as paid parking and hotel shuttle. We hosted our guests fully. So we took a small perk from our venue. I really do not see the harm in that. I do not feel guilty about it because I know that our guests were taken care of fully and very much enjoyed the evening.

I stated the etiquette approved response in my first post, but I have no problem coming back and stating what I personally truly think. I personally wouldn't give a rats a$$ if I saw the MOB or whomever drinking something that wasn't available to the rest of the guests. As long as I was well hosted and everything was at an equal level (meaning alcohol free for all rather then just for the wedding party and not for the guests and such) I really wouldn't care. Sorry if you don't like my opinion but there is not much I can do about that.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

I am not familiar with vinegar yeasts, but I guess it COULD be possible that she is allergic to specific yeast strains. But if that was the case, certain ones would trigger a reaction where others wouldn't. Champagne yeasts are a strain that more aggressively produce bubbles than others. But that would only be used for traditionally created champagnes. The ones that are just carbonated like soda wouldn't use that strain.

lyndausvi · May 2013

Since Champagne is traditionally severed in a flute and has bubbles, people would notice it more than if she was just drinking Grey Goose and cran instead of stoli and cran. I know I would because I prefer champagne and would wonder how I could get a glass.

I would nix the champagne toast for everyone. It's a complete waste as most people barely drink more than a sip. Instead have champagne as an option at the bar.

wrigleyville · May 2013

In Response to Re:MOB wants champagne for her only:
[QUOTE]Nope, the Grey Goose thing is still super rude, even if the venue offered it. I can't really believe you're arguing this is okay on an etiquette board. You should treat your guests, if differently at all, better than you treat yourselves. The reception is your thanks to them.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

I don't have an issue with the Grey Goose if the bar offered it as a perk. It's not like anyone could tell since it was mixed in a glass, and it's not like the guests weren't offered alcohol free of charge.

If the couple gets a room discount at the hotel they host their reception at, does that annoy you too? Should they not take the discount if it isn't extended to all of the guests?

MOB wants champagne - for her only

Re: MOB wants champagne - for her only

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