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Determining SO Status

Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi ladies,

I am about to start getting addresses together to prepare for sending my invites next month. A few of my good friends are in very new relationships. They seem to be going great, but I'm not sure how each couple defines the relationship yet. Is it ok for me to ask my friend in the couple whether they would like their new SO named on the invite or would prefer a generic and guest? I don't want to be nosy, but I also don't want to send a new BF or GF running for the hills if they haven't discussed their level of commitment yet and get overwhelmed about being named on the invite. All involved would get a plus one even if truly single. TIA for your advice!
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Re: Determining SO Status

  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I think it's fine to call and ask.
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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    If they're in a relationship, then they have a significant other, who should be invited.  Don't hesitate to ask though.  It'll be an easier conversation to have now than after the invites have gone out and you didn't plan on additional SOs.
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks! We budgeted for all guests to have a SO or plus one, so that's no problem. Just wanted to make sure that its not rude to pry into the relationship status. If my friends were to say they don't consider it a relationship yet they would still be invited with a guest.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    It's fine to call and ask. I had someone request that their new BF wasn't invited because she didn't want to bring him to meet all the family yet, so I basically said if you change your mind, let me know. 
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  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    You could always ask under the guise of "not knowing how to spell their last name".  A generic

    "Hey Jane, I'm writing out the invites for the wedding and I wasn't sure how John spelled his last name so that I could include him on it".  I'd bet they'll either give you the name/spelling or tell you that it isn't necessary to include him on the invite, etc.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Perfectly fine to call and ask.  Even if you are still concerned about prying you can just let your friends know that you need to know for your wedding invites.  But I am sure they won't really care seeing as they are your friends and all.

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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Determining SO Status:[QUOTE]Your post was so refreshing. I was afraid you were going to ask a very different question, and I gota pleasant Monday morning surprise.I agree with everyone else, if you aren't sure, call and ask! Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE] Aw thanks! And thanks all for the advice. I will call my friends and ask right before invites go out.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    If you guys don't mind me threadjacking (I'd hate to start a new post to ask a very similar question) - my FI is inviting his former boss and advisor from school to the wedding. They have a great relationship and it's a little personal, but not personal to the point where FI feels comfortable asking this boss if he's in a relationship. This guy was married but unfaithful to his wife (we were unfortunately privvy to this behavior since we saw him in public VERY often). We are not sure if they are divorced yet as we no longer live in the same city as him, but we know that they were going through divorce hearings at one point. This guy dates around quite a bit and we are friends with him on Facebook, but he does not list any relationship status and his privacy settings are set so that we cannot see photos of him. FI doesn't feel comfortable asking his former boss about his love life. Do we just give him a plus one? Or do we cross that boundary and ask him if he's seeing anyone? We are unable to give plus ones to our truly single guests, so I'd hate to phrase it as "Would you like to bring someone?" and have him bring a non-girlfriend when other people who know him cannot.

    Sorry again for the threadjack.
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Thread jack away! But I'll let the experts answer you, that sounds like a tricky one...
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I think at this point I would just put and guest on the invite and he can bring someone or not.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you should absolutely give former boss a plus one and not ask him anything about it. You obviously can give at least some of your single guests plus ones, since if he answered "yes, I have a gf" you'd invite her. He's an important professional contact, don't make things awkward with him. Your other single guests without plus ones can just go ahead and assume his date is a gf/ it's really none of their business.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    That's what I was thinking - just saying "and guest" on his invite, but I wasn't sure if I was required by etiquette to pursue that information by asking him. I appreciate you confirming that for me!
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