VERY DISAPPOINTED

KimandByron · May 2013

This is not wedding related and I'm sure it will get deleted anyway but I am going to say it anyway. I haven't been on this board very long and I realize there are rules of etiquette in everything especially weddings but the etiquette I have seen people on this board display to others is appalling.

Brides come to these sites to get inspiration, helpful tips, ideas and answers to their questions. Far too much have I seen rude hateful comments to people. The rudeness is so immature. Do we really have to be so hateful and rude in our responses to people. People ask questions because they don't know the answers not expecting someone to jump down their throat or make rude comments.

I am thankful that I have found a site full of women that are respectful, helpful, inspirational and always uplifting no matter what the question or situation is. I am sure this is going to be a free for all for just the type of comments I am talking about but so be it.

I just wish people would think about the feelings of the other person you are responding to.

kmbryant2413 · May 2013

Head to www.weddingbee.com Thanks for the PSA.

QueerFemme · May 2013

In Response to Re:VERY DISAPPOINTED:[QUOTE]This is not wedding related and I'm sure it will get deleted anyway but I am going to say it anyway. I haven't been on this board very long and I realize there are rules of etiquette in everything especially weddings but the etiquette I have seen people on this board display to others is appalling.Brides come to these sites to get inspiration, helpful tips, ideas and answers to their questions. Far too much have I seen rude hateful comments to people. The rudeness is so immature. Do we really have to be so hateful and rude in our responses to people. People ask questions because they don't know the answers not expecting someone to jump down their throat or make rude comments. I am thankful that I have found a site full of women that are respectful, helpful, inspirational and always uplifting no matter what the question or situation is. I am sure this is going to be a free for all for just the type of comments I am talking about but so be it. I just wish people would think about the feelings of the other person you are responding to. Posted by KimandByron[/QUOTE] No one is here to blow smoke up anyone's butt. We are answering questions to prevent brides from looking like idiots in front of their friends and family. We say the things that your guests will say behind your back.

winelover123 · May 2013

.....ok. You know, you could just call someone out in the thread if you think they're being rude. Generally they aren't. They're blunt. There's a difference.

scully931 · May 2013

Yep, I agree with the OP.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

In Response to Re:VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:VERY DISAPPOINTED: No one is here to blow smoke up anyone's butt. We are answering questions to prevent brides from looking like idiots in front of their friends and family. We say the things that your guests will say behind your back.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

This. Would you rather a bunch of nameless, faceless, anonymous internet strangers tell you you're being a ridiculous self-centered brat of a bridezilla, or would you rather your closest friends and family -- and your FI's closest friends and family -- think you have the social skills of a troll?

ETA: I am not calling *YOU* a ridiculous self-centered brat of a bridezilla, just so TK Gods know I'm not violating the TOS.

Ajuliana · May 2013

Do you know of any synonyms for "rude"? Because I could point out a probable lack of education, but that might be too impolite for your delicate senses. I try not to be uncouth, but sometimes silly posters make it difficult. My mother says I can get churlish when bothered by those with inferior logic, who throw hissy fits in online forums about women who can read her complaints.

NYCMercedes · May 2013

In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE].....ok. You know, you could just call someone out in the thread if you think they're being rude. Generally they aren't. They're blunt. There's a difference.
Posted by winelover123[/QUOTE]

Agree. You just posted to make a general complaint and nobody here knows what you're referring to. If you think there was a specific inappropriate response, reply to the poster immediately in that thread.

monkeysip · May 2013

I don't think the internet is for you, OP.

daria24 · May 2013

Whelp we got the obligatory "omg y'all are such biitches" post out of the way. And I'll make my obligatory "god if only you had seen the posts a few months ago before we got the puppies and kittens and rainbows mandate."

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

Thanks, Daria! : glad we got all the obligatory posts out of the way here. Now we can all just go back to being our lovely, snarky selves.

Loopyseven · May 2013

In Response to VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]This is not wedding related and I'm sure it will get deleted anyway but I am going to say it anyway. I haven't been on this board very long and I realize there are rules of etiquette in everything especially weddings but the etiquette I have seen people on this board display to others is appalling. Brides come to these sites to get inspiration, helpful tips, ideas and answers to their questions. Far too much have I seen rude hateful comments to people. The rudeness is so immature. Do we really have to be so hateful and rude in our responses to people. People ask questions because they don't know the answers not expecting someone to jump down their throat or make rude comments. I am thankful that I have found a site full of women that are respectful, helpful, inspirational and always uplifting no matter what the question or situation is. I am sure this is going to be a free for all for just the type of comments I am talking about but so be it. I just wish people would think about the feelings of the other person you are responding to.
Posted by KimandByron[/QUOTE]

Oooh Honey... *pats head*. You have no idea how tame this board is now compared to days of yore. Blunt is not the same as rude. We are not here to validate bad ideas. If someone is doing something that is rude, we will make no bones about letting them know.

TiaTea · May 2013

In Response to Re:VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:VERY DISAPPOINTED: No one is here to blow smoke up anyone's butt. We are answering questions to prevent brides from looking like idiots in front of their friends and family. We say the things that your guests will say behind your back.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Haha.
That's a good, all-about- etiquette , well mannered response

Talk like that , and you'll never look like an idiot.

kerbohl · May 2013

Every post, either here or anywhere else on the internet, has to be taken with a grain of salt. Yes, people here are blunt, and yes, sometimes people on here are also wrong. The posters here are offering opinions, and advice from different perspectives, and posters can choose to ignore it or to realize that they are being offered a way to look at their problem in a different light. It can be extremely helpful, even if you don't agree completely with the poster. Someone disagreeing with brides isn't being rude, and someone being blunt isn't the end of the world.

So I get your point, OP, but my opinion is that people in this world have to grow thicker skins. People's comments bother us because we let them, and all we have to do is ignore it and let it go, instead of taking it personally.

AddieCake · May 2013

OP, and Scully, if you feel that way, feel free to call people out in the threads you are referrng to. Don't make a blanket "you guys are mean" post and not ACTUALLY confront the person(s) to whom you are speaking.

And CMGilpin is right. We say the things your friends and family will most likely be thinking so we can stop you from making a fool of yourself.

NantucketBride12 · May 2013

In Response to VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]This is not wedding related and I'm sure it will get deleted anyway but I am going to say it anyway. I haven't been on this board very long and I realize there are rules of etiquette in everything especially weddings but the etiquette I have seen people on this board display to others is appalling. Brides come to these sites to get inspiration, helpful tips, ideas and answers to their questions. Far too much have I seen rude hateful comments to people. The rudeness is so immature. Do we really have to be so hateful and rude in our responses to people. People ask questions because they don't know the answers not expecting someone to jump down their throat or make rude comments. I am thankful that I have found a site full of women that are respectful, helpful, inspirational and always uplifting no matter what the question or situation is. I am sure this is going to be a free for all for just the type of comments I am talking about but so be it. I just wish people would think about the feelings of the other person you are responding to.
Posted by KimandByron[/QUOTE]

Would you rather random strangers on the internet tell you the truth or for you to piss off your guests and them gossip about how rude or tacky things were at your wedding?

[Deleted User] · May 2013

I don't know why people ask for opinions if they don't want them. If people would like to hear a certain thing, they should just include what that is at the end of the post and tell everyone to repeat it back to them.

AllieBear725 · May 2013

One thing that drives me crazy is brides posting threads without searching to see if another has posted previously. Then expecting posters to be "nice" in their responses. I, for one get sick of answering the same questions, it's a lot like google. Search and get your answers if you don't want your feelings hurt by people speaking their minds.

EDIT: Same, not sane. Although, it's fitting.

wittykitty14 · May 2013

I know it's been said, but blunt does not equal rude.

I KIND OF understand where you're coming from. It's hard to accept negative feedback sometimes. But it's part of being a grown up (or any age really). People in general don't seem to have thick skin these days, and cry foul a lot when they don't get their way. If you're not open to getting opinions, don't ask for them.

Now and then, there are definitely some rude posters. But those are the people that get banned, and don't (typically) come back. The majority of people give great advice here, regardless of how they word it. Some people try to make their post a little more "fluffy" and smooth the edges, and others just say it flat out. There isn't anything wrong with that.

Bottom line, if you ask anyone for advice, you need to be prepared to hear what you weren't expecting.

AddieCake · May 2013

And as I'm posting and reading in other threads this morning, another thought occurs to me, and now I'm pissed.

For every 1 allegedly "rude response" thread, there are 10 threads (don't hold me to my ratio,but you know what I'm saying) where everyone is perfectly nice, perfectly helpful, perfectly great.

It really chaps my a$$ that people come here and grouse about how mean we are and fail to see we are just as NICE as we are mean. So get the fluck over it or move on over to the hive. I'm 40 now, and my tolerance for this crybaby sh!t has plummeted.

lisabeats · May 2013

In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]And as I'm posting and reading in other threads this morning, another thought occurs to me, and now I'm pissed. For every 1 allegedly "rude response" thread, there are 10 threads (don't hold me to my ratio,but you know what I'm saying) where everyone is perfectly nice, perfectly helpful, perfectly great. It really chaps my a$$ that people come here and grouse about how mean we are and fail to see we are just as NICE as we are mean. So get the fluck over it or move on over to the hive. I'm 40 now, and my tolerance for this crybaby sh!t has plummeted.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I think my favorite of these is "Would it be rude if I....?" which gets responses like "yes, this is rude," "there's no polite way of doing this," "that's definitely a rude idea." Then the OP (I'm not pinpointing, this is just something I've seen/lurked a lot of) is all "OMGzz y did u has to jump down my throat i was just axing a question. I didn't expect to be bombarded yall r the rude ones."

To which my response is.... where'd my Jameson go?

MoxieMickie · May 2013

In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]I don't think the internet is for you, OP.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

I was trying to think of how to address the "it's your responsiblity not to hurt my feelings; it's not my responsibility to receive negative feedback appropriately" attitude that is expressed in the weekly posts that call us meanies, but monkeysip beat me to it.

Jcbgs · May 2013

just to add more fuel to the fire. most of the post r ok but I have seen some rude and judemental statements on the post especially the e board. There r ways of saying things without being mean.The rep for the the knot boards are not that great and has a rep for being mean, rude and judemental just saying.I dont usually post because while ettiqutette has its place there are things that I dont agree with. I know better than to post it here and get judge for it . I make up my own mind if it is something I can live with

harper0813 · May 2013

Knot posters are passionate about hosting a good wedding where you treat your guests well and selflessly.

I, too, have had my moments of butthurt. When I first came here, I perceived everyone as rude and entitled. But I came to realize that people here genuinely want to help you help your guests, friends, family, vendors, etc. Please don't mistake honesty and lack of sugarcoating for meanness. If that's mean to you, you will continue meet many, many "mean" people for the rest of your life.

kmbryant2413 · May 2013

In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]just to add more fuel to the fire. most of the post are ok but I have seen some rude and judemental statements on the post especially the e board. There are ways of saying things without being mean.The rep for the the knot boards are not that great and has a rep for being mean, rude and judemental just saying.I dont usually post because while ettiqutette has its place there are things that I dont agree with. I know better than to post it here and get judge for it . I make up my own mind if it is something I can live with
Posted by Jcbgs[/QUOTE]

Your post was a jumble of the English language on CC, now here it is again. FTFY. If you don't agree with a lot of things, don't post.

AddieCake · May 2013

In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED : I think my favorite of these is "Would it be rude if I....?" which gets responses like "yes, this is rude," "there's no polite way of doing this," "that's definitely a rude idea." Then the OP (I'm not pinpointing, this is just something I've seen/lurked a lot of) is all "OMGzz y did u has to jump down my throat i was just axing a question. I didn't expect to be bombarded yall r the rude ones." To which my response is.... where'd my Jameson go?
Posted by lisabeats[/QUOTE]
Exactly. And the ones with "any thoughts are appreciated!" And then......not.

BostonGIrl4732 · May 2013

I was just thinking the other day that I hadn't noticed one of these in a while.

AddieCake · May 2013

In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]just to add more fuel to the fire. most of the post r ok but I have seen some rude and judemental statements on the post especially the e board. There r ways of saying things without being mean.The rep for the the knot boards are not that great and has a rep for being mean, rude and judemental just saying.I dont usually post because while ettiqutette has its place there are things that I dont agree with. I know better than to post it here and get judge for it . I make up my own mind if it is something I can live with
Posted by Jcbgs[/QUOTE]
That's a matter of opinion. Who decides what is "mean"? What you think is mean, perhaps I don't and vice versa. Some people are very thin skinned. I have students whom I've said, "Stop doing that" to and have had them respond, "Why are you yelling at me?!" Uh, really? If that's your idea of yelling, you should probably get out more. I feel the same is true here.

You know what? Sometimes we ARE judgmental, and I stand by that. I judge some things. I judge people who have cash bars. I judge people who don't invite significant others, even if the couple has been a couple for 2 days. Just to name a couple. We all have stuff we judge in this world. This is a forum of how to put on a wedding and properly host your guests. And sometimes the ideas people here have are things that will NOT properly host their guests. And we tell them so.

What difference does it make what words are chosen? Rude is rude. If you are doing something I think is rude for your wedding, I'm going to say so point blank. If I say "That's rude," it's the same as if I say "That's a bad idea." It doesn't matter what words are chosen. The meaning behind the response is still the same. And you'll notice that most posters also give a detailed explanation as to WHY they think something is rude or won't go over well.

The bottom line is that everyone needs to grow the fluck up and realize this is the internet where you have tons of different personalities interacting. Things are not always going to go your way. Don't like it here? There's the door. Nobody is being held hostage here.

TiaTea · May 2013

In Response to Re: VERY DISAPPOINTED:
[QUOTE]And as I'm posting and reading in other threads this morning, another thought occurs to me, and now I'm pissed. For every 1 allegedly "rude response" thread, there are 10 threads (don't hold me to my ratio,but you know what I'm saying) where everyone is perfectly nice, perfectly helpful, perfectly great. It really chaps my a$$ that people come here and grouse about how mean we are and fail to see we are just as NICE as we are mean. So get the fluck over it or move on over to the hive. I'm 40 now, and my tolerance for this crybaby sh!t has plummeted.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

So it is not rude to use profanity?
Why do you think that it is OK to address people that way, especially people who did not use profane language towards you?
I don't see how expecting decent language is "crybaby sh!t" .

"people come here and grouse about how mean we are&quot; : People have all the rights that you do, because it is an international form and it's open to "people". I don't know who you refer to as "we" , but unless you are the owner of TK , everybody who joined today, has the same rights as someone who has been posting for years

As for your age and your tolerance - forums are not mandatory for any age, or tolerance level. You can get off any time you want

[Deleted User] · May 2013

I am very angry that half of this thread has disappeared.

ohmrs2014 · May 2013

I think people often confuse blunt with rude. No one on this board or any board for that matter is rude, just blunt. I would much rather know that I am being a proper host and making sure that everything I am doing is "ok" etiquette wise then have a bunch of people tell me all my ideas are great when in reality they are wrong. I appreciate all the advice I have been given and have read on this board. It has helped so much in my planning so far.

VERY DISAPPOINTED

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