Fiancee's ex-lover* - Invite?

Re: Fiancee's ex-lover* - Invite?

• misssunshine17 member

  

  May 2013

  You'll see them for all of two minutes at your wedding. If your FI really wants them there, you have to decide if it worth throwing a fit over. 

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• CLoGreenEyes member

  

  May 2013

  If your FI didn't cheat on you when she hooked up with Jordan - I'm assuming you didn't know each other/weren't together at the time and that you trust her - I don't see the problem with inviting her. She doesn't have to be your favorite person there, but your FI seems to value her friendship, so you can be polite for the few minutes of contact you will probably have with her. And yes, Jordan's GF should be invited too.

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• misshart00 member

  

  May 2013

  Just invite this person. It's not a big deal. They may choose not to come, especially if the GF doesn't like your fiancee.
  
  You can also put this couple on the back burner for now and see if your fiancee still wants to invite them when invitations go out.  Your wedding is a year and a half away.  She may decide she doesn't want to invite them.

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• AuntDahlia

  

  May 2013

  Honestly I wouldn't. And it would have nothing to do with trust either. I just don't think you should have to put up with anyone you don't like on one of the most intimate days of your life. But it would be a boring world if we were all the same...

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2013 edited May 2013

  Like a PP said, depends on when FI had fling with "Jordan" if it was while you were together (and assuming you don't have an open relationship at the time)  or if it was prior to you.
  
  If it was prior to you, or during a time when you two hadn't become monogomous yet, let your FI invite "Jordan." However, if it was during a time where you two had agreed to be monogomous, then I would say no because it's disrespectful to invite the person they cheated on you with. And you probably have things you need to discuss before saying I do because if that's the case.

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• Storm29

  

  May 2013

  I would seriously consider dropping this issue for about six months. Any number of things could happen between now and then. It's just not worth the headache until you're sending out STD's, or even invites, since not everyone needs an STD. Right now, your guest list concerns should be more along the lines of "Are we looking at about 50? 150? 300?". Just leave it there for now.

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• s-aries8990 member

  

  May 2013

  Exactly what Ella has said.
  
  Did you tell FI you were uncomfortable inviting her? Was the answer "Well I still want to invite her anyway"?  That's you're answer. You're fine expressing your opinion, but if FI still wants to invite her (which seems to be the situaion), then you should really still invite her because it's not a hill to die on.

   

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• MoonlightSilver member

  

  May 2013

  What other people do in their own bedrooms doesn't affect you, unless they're doing it with your FI, in which case you have an FI problem and not a friend problem.

  
  

  If your FI wants Jordan to come, invite Jordan and Jordan's SO. If they really don't like you, they either wont attend or they'll make a small appearance. 

  Married Bio - Now w/ Pro Pics
  
  June 2012 Bride!

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• nycrose2013 member

  

  May 2013

  I am of the opinion you really don't need to see anyone your fiance slept with on your wedding day, and I also think your fiance needs to understand that. It is reasonable not to want them there.

  Dreaming of our Hawaiian honeymoon!

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• harper0813 member

  

  May 2013

  I know I'm alone in this, but I'm going to state my opinion because why-the-heck-not.

  
  

  I don't think it's necessary or, sometimes, appropriate to invite ex-lovers to a wedding. I have been invited to a few of my exes weddings and I've found it weird and have declined because I only know that person because we dated - not because we were friends beforehand or afterward. Plus, I didn't want to peeve the bride. Not that I assumed that my existence threatened her, but because I firmly believe that the feelings you have for someone never truly go away - once you develop romantic feelings for someone, IMHO, you never really return to a platonic relationship. I know other people will not and do not agree, but this is how I feel.

  
  

  My FI briefly entertained the idea of inviting his ex to our wedding as a peace offering, so I asked him if he wanted to go on a double date with her and her boyfriend sometime. When he said no, I asked him why he'd want her and her boyfriend at our wedding if we wouldn't socialize with them otherwise. We then agreed to leave the ex-lovers off of our list to keep things neat and clean, since we have not maintained relationships with these exes. We have also had a complicated relationship - he has cheated on me twice, and I prefer that he leaves his past behind.

  
  

  Of course, there are exceptions to everything. Ex-husbands and wives I can completely understand, especially if they have children. If an ex is dating another guest and comes as a plus one/SO.

  
  

  Anyway, I know someone will reply to me and tear me apart. But I don't mind. 

  
  

  OP, in your situation, I would explain how you feel in a calm and collected way - say that you don't necessarily feel comfortable with their relationship and ask if she can help you be more accepting. If you are honest and unemotional about the situation, and if she is equally as honest with you, it should help greatly. If the three of you socialize together fairly regularly (I'd say once a month or every other month is regular), I'd understand why she'd want her ex on the guest list.

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• Weezy56 member

  

  May 2013

  I would just invite her. I may be biased, bc one of my closest friends is a girl who my H had a one night stand with 8 years ago, 3 years before H and I met. She was even a BM and her husband was a GM because he is one of my H's closest friends.

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• beachbum7212 member

  

  May 2013

  In Response to Re: Fiancee's ex-lover* - Invite?:
  [QUOTE]I am of the opinion you really don't need to see anyone your fiance slept with on your wedding day, and I also think your fiance needs to understand that. It is reasonable not to want them there.
  Posted by nycrose2013[/QUOTE]
  
  Ditto this. Some PPs may say its not the "mature" thing to do, but they don't know your situation like you do. If you are not comfortable having this person there, don't invite them. Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding someone FI had slept with even before he knew I existed, and I'm sure he'd feel the same way. I highly doubt she's so important that he'll put your feelings as risk to have her there.

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