I have to do what now?

mrznikki · May 2013

So I was just informed i must narrow down my guest list by over half. LOL and Many of the people I HAVE to have at my wedding have children whom count as a seated guest after the age of 4... so... what should I do? I have my 3 children and great-neice in the wedding and don't really mind them going to a sitter after the ceremony but is it rude to ask that children not attend or how do make this work?

Also many people, family and friends, are so closely tied to one another I fear hurting allot of loved ones when picking and choosing just who to invite to the wedding.

Please Help me!

Kristin789 · May 2013

We started, like you, making a guest list of people who would want to come.

Then we stopped and made a list of who absolutely had to be there.

FI said MOG, FOG, his brother/wife/3kids. Total of 7.

So I invited 7 also.

Done and done.

mrznikki · May 2013

I understand that... My issue is I have a large family and they all have kids.... My MUST HAVE list adults only is about 18-26 and with that comes about 12-24 kids

That is Bio family and Adopted family and friends with cutting out 7/8th's of everyone I have on my list.

NYCMercedes · May 2013

Sounds like you need to (A) plan a simple afternon reception, if budget is the reason you need to cut the list, or (B) find a larger venue, if that is the constraining factor. If you want a child free reception, go for it. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you still invite the kids you mentioned that are in your WP. Why do you have to "narrow down my guest list by over half"?

AddieCake · May 2013

It's perfectly acceptable not to invite children other than those in your WP.

QueerFemme · May 2013

In Response to I have to do what now?:
[QUOTE]So I was just informed i must narrow down my guest list by over half. LOL and Many of the people I HAVE to have at my wedding have children whom count as a seated guest after the age of 4... so... what should I do? I have my 3 children and great-neice in the wedding and don't really mind them going to a sitter after the ceremony but is it rude to ask that children not attend or how do make this work? Also many people, family and friends, are so closely tied to one another I fear hurting allot of loved ones when picking and choosing just who to invite to the wedding. Please Help me!
Posted by mrznikki[/QUOTE]

It is acceptable not to invite kids, but you cannot invite them to the ceremony and not the reception. All guests, even kids, must be invited to both, or nothing at all.

mrznikki · May 2013

In Response to Re: I have to do what now?:
[QUOTE]Sounds like you need to (A) plan a simple afternon reception, if budget is the reason you need to cut the list, or (B) find a larger venue, if that is the constraining factor. If you want a child free reception, go for it. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you still invite the kids you mentioned that are in your WP. Why do you have to "narrow down my guest list by over half"?
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

My Venue is perfect and is hosting both the ceremony and reception. out doors. I'm having my wedding in Feb. worrie a little about the weather but my Venue offers an indoor everythng at no charge if it must be moved. However the in side portion only holds so many. We are on a budget and need to keep the numbers down.

mrznikki · May 2013

In Response to Re: I have to do what now?:
[QUOTE]In Response to I have to do what now? : It is acceptable not to invite kids, but you cannot invite them to the ceremony and not the reception. All guests, even kids, must be invited to both, or nothing at all.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

I really only want MY childern to be a part of the ceremony because its two familys becoming one. I know they are gonna get resless and all both at the crermony and reception so i really dont mind theme leaving after pictures after the ceremony.

KDM323 · May 2013

I would say just do an adults only reception/ceremony.

Have your own children there for the ceremony/pictures and then send them off with a babysitter and enjoy your reception sans kids!

Jen4948 · May 2013

In Response to Re: I have to do what now?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I have to do what now? : They are our children. Not guests children? And I know they would rather be playing at a friends house than hanging around a reception where they will just get bored not having computer games or legos. One of them is two and will not understand either way and the other two are eight and nine and both already said they want to be at a friends house. Lol. And yes my spelling is awful sorry
Posted by mrznikki[/QUOTE]

No need to apologize about the spelling!

But even your children are guests at your wedding. And yes, your wedding is about the union of you and your FI-not about your children.

That said, I understand that you and your children would prefer them to be somewhere else than a reception tailored to adults. If their friends don't mind their being there, and no other children are sent away after the ceremony, then I agree with Addie that that's fine. But no other parents should be expected to send away their children afterwards. If they're listed on the invitation envelope, then they are guests just like their parents and need to be treated as such. If you don't want to do that, don't invite them, even if the parents refuse to attend without them.

MsChris1913 · May 2013

My fiance and I had the SAME dilema! We are both Pastor's kids with large families and extended families! I also have about 50 sorority sisters that I HAD TO at least invite!! Add on 2 church families and you can see where the drama began! Here is what we did!

Firstly, family is a must!! No way around it! They were non-negotiables to us (even the cousins we hardly see!) But that was just us...

We had an adult only reception! Sorry kiddos!! But I can't pay $30 for you to pick over chicken fingers! The only children allowed were the 4 who are a part of the wedding party! We worked out with our host hotel to include a large meeting room INSTEAD of a comp guest room for meeting our block. We hired 2 sitters, got some Disney movies, ordered enough pizza and sodas for the kids and sitters to enjoy all night! We even had little cupcakes and candy bags for them! They ran the sitters ragged, but it saved us over $1500! Our guests were able to drop off their kid(s) at the hotel before the ceremony and pick them up afterward! Win- win for everyone!

My sorority sisters, I sent out invites to them but no boyfriends invited~ only husbands! They know how much weddings cost and they were more than understanding! I've even had a few of their husbands give up their places so I could invite another friend/family memeber!

The churches!! This was the hard part! We did not want to hurt anyones feelings at the church, but its kind of inevitable when you are the Pastor's child! We dealt with this on both sides and it was the hardest decision to make. Ultimately, we invited the leadership from each church and their spouses. We made an annoucement to each congregation explaining that as much as we would love to invite everyone, our budget simply would not allow us to. We also told them that they are part of our family and our day would not be complete with a representation of our church families... Shockingly, they understood!!

Hope this helps!

mrznikki · May 2013

Yes you did help, all of you! In some fashion! I'm still a bit stuck on it all and who to invite and who to not and so forth... I have my list split in to 3-4 groups but keep moving people around.

I know that its like for every couple there are no less than 2 kids... thats 22 or so couples on my side alone. The youngest child with-in that is 6 months now after him its 4 years and up to 14.... and yes your right. That is money thats not going to be used right! For my first venue of choice, every one who come is a guest no matter the age. Understandable. To those who require a chair I guess but... Really? I do have alot of very important people in my life who are not family and family who would careless about FI and I. Its all a big huge mess either that or im making it bigger than I should!

On my inital list... just my side alone, there are, I kid you not, (No Pun intended) 58 kids! -_-

I have to do what now?

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