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Asking one sibling, not another...

icecreamconoicecreamcono
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in Wedding Party
Hi all,

My fiance has a hard time with his older brother. They can't be in the same room, but they try. When they are in the same room they make everyone miserable indiscriminantly. They both try to pretend this doesn't exist, but my fiance has zero interest in older bro being in the wedding party.

Younger bro, on the other hand, has been through a lot with my fiance in the last year, and we would love to show him how proud we are, how much we believe in him, etc. Is there a way to invite one brother to be in the wedding party without inviting another brother? Especialy when there are only the three of them? I don't want older bro to feel slighted, but I really don't want my fiance to have to put up with him.
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Re: Asking one sibling, not another...

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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Quite honestly, you need to keep yourself out of this decision.  Whoever FI wants to stand up with him is who he chooses.  If the relationship with one brother is that tarnished there is nothing requiring him to ask him to be a groomsman.  He can have whoever he chooses.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ditto MLG. Who stands with your fiance is his decision. But if he can barely be in the same room with one of his brothers, he is certainly not obligated to ask him to be in the WP, and I highly doubt his brother would expect to be asked.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    icecreamconoicecreamcono
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    I don't disagree. He's the one who is torn. He would ask his younger brother, but he doesn't want to damage his older bro's ego. I was just wondering if this is a thing that a lot of people do, or if his worries are founded.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It's strictly up to the groom who stands up on his side-regardless of whether or not they are family members.  Nobody else gets a say-including the bride.

    It goes the other way too-only the bride gets to choose her attendants.
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    gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to Re: Asking one sibling, not another...:
    [QUOTE]It's strictly up to the groom who stands up on his side-regardless of whether or not they are family members.  Nobody else gets a say-including the bride. It goes the other way too-only the bride gets to choose her attendants.
    Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
    My understanding is that she posted this question because her FI needed advice.

    He is not obligated to ask his other sibling.  However, if it is traditional and expected in his family to ask all siblings there could be hurt feelings - still doesn't make it obligatory, but something to consider. 
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    jennylee813jennylee813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I asked my sister to be MOH in my first wedding, because it was expected. We were miserable. We no longer speak (not as a direct result of this, but years and years of issues). She is not on the guest list for my upcoming wedding.

    Bottom line is to tell your FI to follow his heart; if they don't get along, they'll probably both be happier with him NOT in the party.
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    erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    if they do not get along, why would older bro even want to be in the wedding party--it is meant for nearest and dearest and he does not sound like he is that to your FI.  He can be a guest and will be fine.

    siblings are not a requirement to be in WP. 

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