+1's?

jackieo954 · May 2013

My fiance and I are getting married in November and we are trying to cut down our guest list at the request of my mother (she is paying for the wedding as a gift to us). Right now, we have 300 people on our list - most of which is family. My father's side of the family is large, and my FI has his dad's family, mom's family and his mom's husbands family (also of which is large). We have very few friends on our list. Right now, the single people on our list have +1's, but we were planning on removing the +1's of those people who do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend at the time invites are sent out. My FI's mom has a problem with this and keeps asking, "well, what if some just brings someone?" We've told her that it is a sit down dinner and that there will not be food for guests just showing up that were not on the RSVP, but I'm just wondering, is it in poor taste to invite singles to a wedding without offering them a guest? Is it okay to ask my mother to pay for someone I (or my fiance) barely know's one-night-stand, or worse yet, a +1 that was anticipated but doesn't show? I have been invited to weddings as a single without a +1 and I thought this was okay. I appreciate everyone's input! :-)

wrigleyville · May 2013

If they are truly single, then no, it's not rude not to offer a +1 to truly single guests.

On the other hand, if these are members of the wedding party, then I would offer them a +1. Additionally, anyone who travels from far away, such as flying from another state, is usually offered a +1. These are not required, but it's generally accepted to be the courteous thing to do in those specific cases.

I would caution that even though they are single now, they might not be by the time invitations go out, so you should still leave room in your budget for those +1 spots. Once invitations go out, you can use the money saved from those +1 spots for other areas, such as upgrading the bar package or adding more appetizers.

aurianna · May 2013

As long as the invited guest does not consider themself in a relationship you do not need to give them a guest.
Just make it very clear on the invite with just their name. You can also put "1 seat has been reserved in your honor" on the RSVP card.
And if you have meal choices you can have them write their names next to it so they know food will only be alotted for them and so you know ahead of time if they added someone so you can call and clear up the misunderstanding.

QueerFemme · May 2013

I agree with PPs, although, I made sure I had room in my budget to allow everyone a +1. I just don't expect grown people to attend a social event without a date.

QueerFemme · May 2013

In Response to Re: +1's?:
[QUOTE]I see no need to give random +1s. I would pay attention to whether you can seat singles at a table they will be able to talk with people, etc.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

You can ignore any +1 advice you get from NYU. She thinks it's ok to exclude people for a lot of reasons.

ericaandtom2012 · May 2013

I'm going to ditto Wrigley, but add if you have any single guests that won't know anyone else at the wedding, it would be courteous to give them a +1. No one really wants to attend a wedding where they'll know no one but the bride and groom.

aurianna · May 2013

In Response to Re: +1's?:
[QUOTE]I agree with all the major wedding etiquette books, that say one must invite the spouse, fiancé (and some would say live in or long time companion).
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Even though you've been told time and time again that the books are outdated and that plenty of real people (aka not random out-to-make-a-buck book author) here on this board think it's rude.

kathrynrf · May 2013

We are in the same position! We have to cut down simply because the venue we fell in love with only has 175 spots. We only have one friend who is single who gets to bring a guest and it is because he knows NO ONE else at the wedding. Other than that, our single friends do not get to bring a plus one.

KDM323 · May 2013

If you are trying to cut down your guest list and a majority of that guest list is family...I'd take a look at who you are inviting from families.

Do you really need to invite 2nd cousins or ALL of your first cousins? (For instance) We are only inviting Aunts/Uncles/select first cousins (in family unit groupings) to our wedding. We both come from very large families and we'd be easily at the 300 mark if we invited ALL of our first cousins, their spouses, etc.

Any chance you can cut down on your guest list by not inviting so many family members?

jackieo954 · May 2013

Thanks for all of the advice! We have cut our list down as far as we can - our family is limited to aunts, uncles and first cousins. I don't have any issue with only giving "my" guests that are dating someone a +1, and my FI doesn't either. His mom just has an issue with us not giving her husband's neices & nephews +1s. I feel like saying if you want them to bring a date then you pay for their dates, but alas, that would be rude so I won't. I guess we will just have to wait and see closer to the invites being sent out. Thanks again!

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