Wedding Etiquette Forum

Explaining why I need "plus one" names for invites to fi

My fi and I got in a big argument about this today. I have been asking him for weeks to get the names of some of his friends' significant others. We weren't planning on inviting truly single guests with plus ones, but anyone who has any type of significant other will get an invite for that person. There are three people on his list who are friends of his, but he isn't sure if they are dating anyone (one has an on again off again and last we heard, they were off again) and one travels a lot and he just hasn't seen her lately to know if she is dating anyone and one recently told us she and her boyfriend broke up. First guy assumed he got to bring a date and keeps mentioning it. Since we found out a few of our out of town relatives aren't going to be able to make it (word of mouth from the Save the Date, we didn't b-list anyone), we can accommodate this guy's random date and since he is traveling and won't know anyone else there I am ok with making an exception to the rule with him. With the two girls in question, one emailed him today asking if she gets to bring a plus one. I told him to reply with something like, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend! What's his name so we can address the invitation correctly." She is the other person on our list who will be traveling and won't know very many people at the wedding, so I'd be ok with her bring a guest. The other we just don't know anything about her dating situation -- and she's local and her best friend and best friend's husband are also invited (they go out all the time as a threesome so that wouldn't be weird for her). I told him he needed to ask if she was dating someone and he could just say we would like to include her boyfriend on the invite if she is. He thinks it is weird to ask a friend this question.

How do I explain to him that it is perfectly acceptable to ask the name of a significant other for a wedding invitation? We already tried facebook stalking said friends to get the name, so that option is out.

Re: Explaining why I need "plus one" names for invites to fi

  • He thinks it is weird to ask a friend this question.

    Since when is, "Are you dating anyone," a weird question?

    Your fiance is the one being weird. Tell him that to shoot her a text asking if she has a boyfriend, because if so you want to add his name to the guest list.
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  • For the true  singles I would just put "and guest".  That way they are not locked into a certain guest they have to bring. If you are not sure if they are dating someone just ask them. 

    For example my BIL and SIL were not dating anyone at the time so I just gave put "and guest".   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Are you close enough to this girl to text her yourself?  Your FI is being ridiculous, but if it makes him uncomfortable you either ask her yourself or give her an open ended +1 to cover your ass (or don't give her a +1 and hope that if she IS dating someone she asks about it rather than just assuming you're intentionally excluding him and having her feelings hurt)
  • lyndausvi said:
    For the true  singles I would just put "and guest".  That way they are not locked into a certain guest they have to bring. If you are not sure if they are dating someone just ask them. 

    For example my BIL and SIL were not dating anyone at the time so I just gave put "and guest".   
    We aren't inviting true singles with a guest. That is why I need him to find this information out.
  • I am not close enough to ask her myself. Apparently he sucked it up and emailed the three in question. He's very shy and doesn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. He was single for a lot of his friends getting married and hated questions about his relationship status -- I guess this stems from that.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2013

    Contrary to what people might say as long as you tried to find the answer to the question there is nothing wrong with "and guest".   Don't beat yourself over this.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If your FI seriously won't ask, just address the invite to the person you know "and guest." It really only matters that you get their name in the RSVP, so you can do a seating chart, etc.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • It isn't asking the name he is uncomfortable with. It is asking if they have a significant other period.
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