Getting my nephews down the aisle.

itzweirdbebe · May 2013

Hello! I am looking for any creative ways to get my two young nephews down the aisle as joint ring bearers. The problem is that my ceremony site has a very long walk down the aisle and by the time my wedding day has approached my nephews will only be 2 and 1 1/2. I'm just not sure they will make it on their own lol I was considering having their dads carry them but that might take away from their cuteness. Any creative ideas or suggestions on how to get these little guys down the aisle?

Thanks

Jen4948 · May 2013

Ages 2 and 1 1/2 is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too young for anything besides photos.

mlg78 · May 2013

These are not appropriate ring bearer choices due to their age.

artbyallie · May 2013

Kids are not props. If they are not capable of explaining their role in a full sentence (though to be fair, I know a kid who at 2 and a half could probably do it but he was/is precocious), then they are too little to be anything but a prop and should not be used as such.

kmmssg · May 2013

Agree with everyone else - they are way way too young and this is not a thoughtful choice for them. If they aren't old enough to walk down the aisle by themselves and be comfortable they are way the heck too young.

calliopeia2013 · May 2013

If you insist on having ring bearers this young, there is absolutely no other option than to have one of their parents carry them down the aisle. (And then sit with them and probably hold them on their lap- you certainly can't expect a kid that young to stand for the ceremony, or really even sit still without supervision.) It's just a basic metter of child development.

And if you're not prepared for them to have a complete screaming meltdown before or during the ceremony, which is what at least 50% of kids that young will do where they're dressed in scratchy, unfamiliar clothes and unexpectedly the center of attention, you should not be doing this.

KaySea6213 · May 2013

itzweirdbebe said:

Hello! I am looking for any creative ways to get my two young nephews down the aisle as joint ring bearers. The problem is that my ceremony site has a very long walk down the aisle and by the time my wedding day has approached my nephews will only be 2 and 1 1/2. I'm just not sure they will make it on their own lol I was considering having their dads carry them but that might take away from their cuteness. Any creative ideas or suggestions on how to get these little guys down the aisle?

Thanks

I'm here to be your helpful support! lol. I have three 2 year old children in my wedding. All three of them are very excited to be in their Uncle/Aunty/Sissy's wedding. It's not just for cuteness, as I'm sure your situation isn't just for cuteness. We're having a short aisle and their parents will be at the end, so if they need motivation, they will receive it. With a longer aisle you may want to consider including older children to help make things run more smoothly. I have been to a wedding where older children walk down the aisle with young children or even pull them along in a wagon. This would also work easily with parents.

All that being said I'm going to over you some advice, even though I know you didn't ask. Speak to the children prior to the wedding about their roles, let them look a different outfits/pillows/baskets and pick something they enjoy. This way they are more comfortable on the day of the wedding. If they're uncomfortable it will make things much more difficult.

Please do realize though that it's highly likely something will go wrong. My response to people who tell me my niece, little sister and fiance's nephew are too young to be in the wedding is always "if I wanted my wedding to be 'perfect' I wouldn't have three 2 year olds in it." It's just that simple.

EDIT: When they reach the alter they will sit with their parents/grandparents. I'm also planning on giving them some quiet toys that are spill proof.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

At that age, they are too young to understand what is happening. You are potentially scaring them for nooo reason whatsoever other than vanity.

Take pictures of them, let them stay with their parents and enjoy the day as much as everyone else.

KaySea6213 · May 2013

Also I don't agree that they don't understand what's happening. They don't grasp that it's a huge lifelong commitment, but they know that it's a big deal. My little sister was in a wedding a month before she turned two, and she still remembers it, talks about and can tell you all about how she threw petals at her Aunt Shannon's wedding and how pretty Aunty was. They may not understand everything, but they aren't oblivious.

artbyallie · May 2013

dammitkrystyn said:

Also I don't agree that they don't understand what's happening. They don't grasp that it's a huge lifelong commitment, but they know that it's a big deal. My little sister was in a wedding a month before she turned two, and she still remembers it, talks about and can tell you all about how she threw petals at her Aunt Shannon's wedding and how pretty Aunty was. They may not understand everything, but they aren't oblivious.

Some kids are definitely capable of understanding. As I mentioned, I know a kid who could've done it at 2. I was a little afraid my 6 year old ringbearer was going to refuse to walk on the day of (he was going through a super shy phase) though he did fine in spite of being in a wheelchair due to a broken leg at the time. And a set of triplets in my extended family still talk about my wedding in spite of being only 3 at the time and seeing me maybe once or twice a year. That's why I said my criteria is 'can explain their role in a complete sentence.' Some kids reach that point earlier, some later.

erinlin25 · May 2013

while its a young age, it can be done, but you just have to be prepared that they may or may not walk down. The parents will know how there kid reacts and if they did not think they would have a chance I'm sure they would say something. My flower girl is going to be 20 months old. While she may not totally "get" the concept, she is excited to wear her pretty dress and her mom talks to her about what she is going to do. whether she does it or not will be a different story, but it is the only person I wanted to be my flower girl. Her mom said yes & is so excited. Our back up plan is her mom is one of my bridesmaids and worse case will go down with her daughter if she gets scared.

Anyway, definitely plan for them to sit with their parents or an adult and as PP mentioned its a good idea to have something to keep them occupied. A friend of mine is a wedding planner and she said her best trick is to have something for them with who they are sitting with (whether it be candy, or a stuffed animal etc--something to reward them). Make it positive so its something fun and special, not scary.

itzweirdbebe · May 2013

Hi everyone. Wow. Why does anyone even post on these boards? I thought this was supposed to be a community. That's cool if people do not agree with my choices of involving my nephews but my nephews are important to me and I want them to be in my wedding. It's not going to bother me if they have a melt down (well I will feel sad for them, but I wont feel like it will ruin my wedding) I am not high strung. I wont care if my flower girl runs down the aisle or doesn't throw petals, that is not what it is about for me, it's about having my family part of my day. I also am not getting married in a church so I don't need to worry about what a church says I can and can't do.

I had seen cute pictures of young children being pulled down in a wagon or pushed in a stroller... so those were the kind of ideas I was looking for but clearly I am a crazy person for even suggesting they be involved. Dads carrying them down it is! and yes they will of course be then joining their dads and grandparents in the seats

I don't care what they wear btw. I never said I'm dressing them in tuxedos I just want them to be involved because they are important people to me. It doesn't bother me that they wont "get" the concept of it. I'm not torturing the children although it seems that many of you think I am. If my sisters think its best they are not involved then I wont involve them.

Thanks to all those who replied kindly!

AddieCake · May 2013

itzweirdbebe said:

Hi everyone. Wow. Why does anyone even post on these boards? I thought this was supposed to be a community. That's cool if people do not agree with my choices of involving my nephews but my nephews are important to me and I want them to be in my wedding. It's not going to bother me if they have a melt down (well I will feel sad for them, but I wont feel like it will ruin my wedding) I am not high strung. I wont care if my flower girl runs down the aisle or doesn't throw petals, that is not what it is about for me, it's about having my family part of my day. I also am not getting married in a church so I don't need to worry about what a church says I can and can't do.

I had seen cute pictures of young children being pulled down in a wagon or pushed in a stroller... so those were the kind of ideas I was looking for but clearly I am a crazy person for even suggesting they be involved. Dads carrying them down it is! and yes they will of course be then joining their dads and grandparents in the seats I don't care what they wear btw. I never said I'm dressing them in tuxedos I just want them to be involved because they are important people to me. It doesn't bother me that they wont "get" the concept of it. I'm not torturing the children although it seems that many of you think I am. If my sisters think its best they are not involved then I wont involve them.

Thanks to all those who replied kindly!

You contradict yourself. You say it's cool if not everyone agrees with you and yet you wonder why anyone posts here. That implies people should only post here and hope to get people who like their plans. And everyone responded kindly; nobody was rude or mean.

zitiqueen · May 2013

itzweirdbebe said:

Hi everyone. Wow. Why does anyone even post on these boards? I thought this was supposed to be a community. That's cool if people do not agree with my choices of involving my nephews but my nephews are important to me and I want them to be in my wedding. It's not going to bother me if they have a melt down (well I will feel sad for them, but I wont feel like it will ruin my wedding) I am not high strung. I wont care if my flower girl runs down the aisle or doesn't throw petals, that is not what it is about for me, it's about having my family part of my day. I also am not getting married in a church so I don't need to worry about what a church says I can and can't do.

I had seen cute pictures of young children being pulled down in a wagon or pushed in a stroller... so those were the kind of ideas I was looking for but clearly I am a crazy person for even suggesting they be involved. Dads carrying them down it is! and yes they will of course be then joining their dads and grandparents in the seats I don't care what they wear btw. I never said I'm dressing them in tuxedos I just want them to be involved because they are important people to me. It doesn't bother me that they wont "get" the concept of it. I'm not torturing the children although it seems that many of you think I am. If my sisters think its best they are not involved then I wont involve them.

Thanks to all those who replied kindly!

Well, I should certainly hope you wouldn't be bothered by a meltdown you would be 100% responsible for creating.

NOLAbridealmost · May 2013

I'm going to disagree with the thought that just because the children don't fully understand their role in the wedding that there's no value in having them be in the WP. Even if the nephews don't remember their role, their parents surely will and in some ways its an honor to the parents of the children in WP that their kids were included. I know I'd be tickled if someone thought my kid was cute enough and special enough to them that they wanted them included in their wedding party.

As long as the parents are on board and the bride's expectations are realistic (ie; they understand that the kid might not react well on the day of the wedding and his role might need to be drastically altered or reduced at a moment's notice) I don't see a problem.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Some kids can handle it. If they are not up to it, they are not up to it. Walk them through it two days before, the day before, and the day of. I have worked with kids from the age of 2-6 for several years (mainly 2-4 age group). In my experience, to motivate them to do something they can learn through repetition and through group activities. If your flower girl is a bit older, it would be cute to have them hold hands down the aisle. Or, instead of actually giving them a fake ring, give them signs that say things like "yay".

The 1 1/2 year old is a little harder, but maybe you could have a bridesmaid. The wagon idea is very nice though! I really like this one. You would just have to find a slightly older kid to do this.

When we are trying to keep the kids corralled and going through our different activities during the day we use a follow the leader idea, so that could be something to arrange if you have someone slightly older. Having the dad is not a bad idea though, I don't think it will ruin any cuteness, as children are always adorable. Maybe holding hands instead though?

Also, many two year olds are in a stage where they want to help. Give him a job, and have people encourage him down the aisle. Spread out his family so that maybe a sibling meets up half way and says "give this to daddy," so then he has a goal in mind.

Jen4948 · May 2013

I fail to see how a 1 1/2 year old could act as a bridesmaid, and I don't think wagons are a good way for small children to get down an aisle at a wedding. What if it tips over? How are children that small supposed to drag it, and if not, you'll have to get someone else to do it. So the draggers will have to be "in the wedding party" all to get two children who can't walk down the aisle by themselves in it too? Will the venue even allow a wagon to be dragged over their floor? All things to think about.

I reiterate: If the "cuteness" of having children that small at a wedding is important, just take pictures of them and let them go at that. They might appreciate that later in life, but they won't appreciate being "used" for their "cuteness" if you try to make them fill roles more suitable for older people while they're still too small to have a say.

Chaneltara · May 2013

We are having a jr. bridesmaid that loves our toddlers (same age) either walk with them hand in hand with them down the aisle or pull them in a decorated wagon. I love the idea of toddlers that you love and want to be part of your day being in the wedding, kind of shocked everyone feels so strongly against it. And my son is just wearing a cute short and suspenders set with a bow tie, or daughter a cute dress.

Jen4948 · May 2013

I'd skip the wagon. Many venues don't allow it.

And regardless of the "cuteness" and "adorableness" of how they look, it's just not thoughtful to use small children who don't really understand what's going on as props. If you do it at all, someone needs to carry these children down the aisle-not make them walk down the aisle themselves or drag them in a wagon.

kryan32 · May 2013

My sister wanted my daughter and her SIL's daughter - both 3 at the time - in her wedding. The girls did fine at the rehearsal but 3 minutes before the ceremony my daughter got cold feet and wouldn't move... I wasn't supposed to be in the wedding but we just improvised - I walked down the aisle holding the girl's hands and they waved to everyone instead of dropping petals... The girls were fine after that... I think as long as you're okay with the idea that there could be a last-minute change of plans and you can roll with it, you should be fine.

Take care,
Kim

zitiqueen · May 2013

Chaneltara said:

We are having a jr. bridesmaid that loves our toddlers (same age) either walk with them hand in hand with them down the aisle or pull them in a decorated wagon. I love the idea of toddlers that you love and want to be part of your day being in the wedding, kind of shocked everyone feels so strongly against it. And my son is just wearing a cute short and suspenders set with a bow tie, or daughter a cute dress.

Nobody is against have people you love be a part of the wedding. What they're against is using children as props, which is what the OP has admitted she is doing.

Also, please call your junior bridesmaid a bridesmaid -- drop the unnecessary "junior" from the title.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

itzweirdbebe said:

Hi everyone. Wow. Why does anyone even post on these boards? I thought this was supposed to be a community. That's cool if people do not agree with my choices of involving my nephews but my nephews are important to me and I want them to be in my wedding. It's not going to bother me if they have a melt down (well I will feel sad for them, but I wont feel like it will ruin my wedding) I am not high strung. I wont care if my flower girl runs down the aisle or doesn't throw petals, that is not what it is about for me, it's about having my family part of my day. I also am not getting married in a church so I don't need to worry about what a church says I can and can't do.

I had seen cute pictures of young children being pulled down in a wagon or pushed in a stroller... so those were the kind of ideas I was looking for but clearly I am a crazy person for even suggesting they be involved. Dads carrying them down it is! and yes they will of course be then joining their dads and grandparents in the seats I don't care what they wear btw. I never said I'm dressing them in tuxedos I just want them to be involved because they are important people to me. It doesn't bother me that they wont "get" the concept of it. I'm not torturing the children although it seems that many of you think I am. If my sisters think its best they are not involved then I wont involve them.

Thanks to all those who replied kindly!

zitiqueen said:

Chaneltara said:

We are having a jr. bridesmaid that loves our toddlers (same age) either walk with them hand in hand with them down the aisle or pull them in a decorated wagon. I love the idea of toddlers that you love and want to be part of your day being in the wedding, kind of shocked everyone feels so strongly against it. And my son is just wearing a cute short and suspenders set with a bow tie, or daughter a cute dress.

Nobody is against have people you love be a part of the wedding. What they're against is using children as props, which is what the OP has admitted she is doing.

Also, please call your junior bridesmaid a bridesmaid -- drop the unnecessary "junior" from the title.

I really have not seen her admitting that they are props. Little kids are cute... dogs are cute... do people really look down their noses when they see a dog being walked down the aisle???

I'm not saying that kids are dogs, cause dogs are easier to handle. But, just because a dog is referred to as "cute" does not automatically make it a prop.

Jen4948 · May 2013

If the only reason she wants them there is because they look cute in photos, but she wouldn't have them there under other circumstances, then yes, she's using them as a prop-especially if they're not old enough to understand, appreciate, and give their own consent to their participation.

KaySea6213 · May 2013

The bride already stated that it's not about cuteness, it's about having her family there.

brielleinlove · May 2013

I guess I just don't understand why it's so significant to have them walk down the aisle - why they HAVE to be ring bearers because they are special people in OP's life. She can take photos with them and have a special moment with them during the day - that will be enough. By insisting that they be ring bearers, the OP is pretty much reiterating that it is all about having the guests at the ceremony go "AWWWWWWWWWWWW" as they somehow make their way down the aisle. If it were really about the relationship OP has with her nephews, pictures and a special moment would be enough... and she'd respect the nephews' needs enough to understand that they will not developmentally be capable of getting themselves down the aisle or understand what is going on.

I am with PPs - ring bearers and flower girls should be old enough to walk down the aisle by themselves. Otherwise, they are too young for the role.

KaySea6213 · May 2013

AddieL73 said:

itzweirdbebe said:

Hi everyone. Wow. Why does anyone even post on these boards? I thought this was supposed to be a community. That's cool if people do not agree with my choices of involving my nephews but my nephews are important to me and I want them to be in my wedding. It's not going to bother me if they have a melt down (well I will feel sad for them, but I wont feel like it will ruin my wedding) I am not high strung. I wont care if my flower girl runs down the aisle or doesn't throw petals, that is not what it is about for me, it's about having my family part of my day. I also am not getting married in a church so I don't need to worry about what a church says I can and can't do.

I had seen cute pictures of young children being pulled down in a wagon or pushed in a stroller... so those were the kind of ideas I was looking for but clearly I am a crazy person for even suggesting they be involved. Dads carrying them down it is! and yes they will of course be then joining their dads and grandparents in the seats I don't care what they wear btw. I never said I'm dressing them in tuxedos I just want them to be involved because they are important people to me. It doesn't bother me that they wont "get" the concept of it. I'm not torturing the children although it seems that many of you think I am. If my sisters think its best they are not involved then I wont involve them.

Thanks to all those who replied kindly!

You contradict yourself. You say it's cool if not everyone agrees with you and yet you wonder why anyone posts here. That implies people should only post here and hope to get people who like their plans. And everyone responded kindly; nobody was rude or mean.

What it comes down to is that the bride didn't ask if anyone liked/dislike the idea or whether or not her idea was appropriate, she asked for creative ways to help the kids get down the aisle and only two responses have actually answered this. What she's really trying to express, and what most upset brides on TK are trying to express, is that she didn't ask for an opinion. I understand that if one responds with an answer the OP's question then it looks like they are supporting her choice, but one could simply keep scrolling through posts and not respond. It's not necessary to comment and say "Don't do that."

I'm not saying this is something that only you do, but it's a prevalent problem on the boards. It's as though on every post someone has to step in and say that something is inappropriate. If the OP was questioning the appropriateness of a situation then that's the answer it calls for, but the reality is that it often isn't the question that was asked.

itzweirdbebe you may want to consider looking at offbeatbride.com. They have a community called the tribe. They support positivity. Don't be scared by the questions you ask when you start to sign up, it's not like an application it's simply your profile. There is a small wait period to set up your account, but that's because the site is automated and moderators have to set things up.

brielleinlove · May 2013

Krystyn, we are not in the business of validating bad ideas. If someone were to post, "Hey everyone, I want to hang my FI. Anyone know what kind of rope works best as a noose?" no one would chime in with brand recommendations. Same principle.

We want to help brides have a wedding day that will go smoothly, respect their guests' needs and emotions (from tiniest to oldest), and be wonderful for them and their husband. Having an 18 month old ring bearer is not respecting that guest's needs.

Jen4948 · May 2013

brielleinlove said:

Krystyn, we are not in the business of validating bad ideas. If someone were to post, "Hey everyone, I want to hang my FI. Anyone know what kind of rope works best as a noose?" no one would chime in with brand recommendations. Same principle.

We want to help brides have a wedding day that will go smoothly, respect their guests' needs and emotions (from tiniest to oldest), and be wonderful for them and their husband. Having an 18 month old ring bearer is not respecting that guest's needs.

Nailed it. I see that too much: "I asked you how to do X, not whether or not you think X is appropriate." Well, if we don't think X is appropriate, we're not going to tell you how to do it.

Dreamergirl8812 · May 2013

Don't 2 year olds put everything in their mouths? That seems like a valid concern when it comes to rings.

KDM323 · May 2013

Welcome to the knot...there are some ladies here who will object to many of your ideas....and others who will try to help you find an answer to having your vision come to life. Like on any online forum, take what you need and leave the rest. To answer your question....have you given any thought to having a wagon, etc for the little ones?

KaySea6213 · May 2013

dammitkrystyn said:

What it comes down to is that the bride didn't ask if anyone liked/dislike the idea or whether or not her idea was appropriate, she asked for creative ways to help the kids get down the aisle and only two responses have actually answered this. What she's really trying to express, and what most upset brides on TK are trying to express, is that she didn't ask for an opinion. I understand that if one responds with an answer the OP's question then it looks like they are supporting her choice, but one could simply keep scrolling through posts and not respond. It's not necessary to comment and say "Don't do that."

I'm not saying this is something that only you do, but it's a prevalent problem on the boards. It's as though on every post someone has to step in and say that something is inappropriate. If the OP was questioning the appropriateness of a situation then that's the answer it calls for, but the reality is that it often isn't the question that was asked.

itzweirdbebe you may want to consider looking at offbeatbride.com. They have a community called the tribe. They support positivity. Don't be scared by the questions you ask when you start to sign up, it's not like an application it's simply your profile. There is a small wait period to set up your account, but that's because the site is automated and moderators have to set things up.

It's really more like someone asking about where they could find a sectional couch they plan to put in their home and you responding with "do not buy a sectional. They take up too much space and it's rude because it makes people feel like they have to sit next to each other." It's utterly useless to the OP to tell them not to do something.

Getting my nephews down the aisle.

Re: Getting my nephews down the aisle.

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