Having an unplugged wedding?

crunchymamaof2 · May 2013

I've read several articles and blog posts recently about unplugged weddings and the idea has been crossing my mind. Many photographers have written about (well intentioned) guests ruining their professional photographs due to them standing in the aisle, using flash, jumping in the middle of the "special" moments, etc. They explain that they either end up with ruined images, the first kiss being blocked by aforementioned guest, and/or guests being included in personal shots such as the first dance, etc. To combat this many couples are opting to have unplugged weddings and have the officiant make an announcement informing guests of this. like the idea of asking guests to be considerate with their cameras but it feels very rude to me to ask them. It almost feels like it's along the lines of asking guest to wear certain things, at least to me. Is this rude or would I be okay choosing to do this?

Kate61487 · May 2013

Depends on how you go about it. It is a legitimate rule in my church that flash photography is prohibited (this went for our pro too). Because of that we put a note in the program (very brief: "no flash photography please") and the priest made an announcement.

I think when you start going beyond that - requesting that guests leave their phones/cameras off all together, requesting they don't post things to facebook, etc. it gets into the rude, telling them how to behave, territory.

I'm sure there are legitimate "ruined" photos out there, but I can't imagine that there are really THAT many adults who don't recognize that there's a professional photographer and they should stay out of the way.

misshart00 · May 2013

TXKristan said:
You really can't ask this of guests ... at least not tactfully. Our church has a standard announcement before weddings, Confirmations, and First Communions that asks people to refrain from flash photography. Other than that, we didn't say anything.

If the photog is good, he/she will find a good spot to prevent people from ruining the moments. And, the issues you described wouldn't really be solved by people not bringing cameras, but by people not being morons.

I agree with this. Especially the last sentence. I think you can ask that flash photos not be taken, but to request everything be turned off, especially so observers can be "in the moment" is going too far.

The moron thing is true because someone can still stand up right in front of the photographer without them wanting to take a picture.

FWIW, we didn't make any announcements at our wedding, and I've only seen one photo that was taken. So I don't think many other people took any.

mc4dj13 · May 2013

With all the apps available for smart phones these days that encourage photography at events such as weddings, i think it would be very hard for people to understand and listen to your request.

If you are having a church ceremony then you can address this concern with the priest and ensure he will make an announcement to your guests regarding flash photography.

That is really all that can be done- good luck to you!

MoonlightSilver · May 2013

People who are going to jump in front of your photographer and get in the middle of your first dance are probably not going to listen to your "unplugged" announcement anyway. They didn't care if they were ruining a shot before, they wont care after.

minko1986 · May 2013

I understand your point and the photographers'. When I saw the professional picture of me walking down the aisle with everyone looking into their camera, I was a bit annoyed. But some of the best pictures of the wedding came from the guests (like the ring bearers holding onto the rings as rings are some treasure, flower girls making faces as they get bored, etc.). I think most guests have enough common sense that they know not to use flash during a church service (if you're getting married in the church) or stand in middle of the aisle to "capture" the moment, etc. I'd just look at the brighter side.

bunni727 · May 2013

In addition to what PPs have said about it being rude to announce unless it is a real rule with your venue (they are right), consider all the pictures you might miss out on. Some of our best pictures came from other guest's cameras.

My photog was pretty good, but she didn't know (and I forgot to tell her) who the most important people there were, and thus did not get any pictures of several dear family members and friends. By asking family and friends who took pictures, we were able to fill in almost all of the gaps. If guests hadn't been taking pictures, we would have lost out on some great shots and shots of certain guests completely.

TerriHugg · May 2013

My problem isn't really people taking photos. I have an issue with IPads. I mean they are great gadgets, but they are so huge. They end of blocking the view of people behind you and they always tend to be front and center in photos. Luckily, I only had one person with an Ipad at my wedding.

The only other thing I hate is people posting pictures on FAcebook. I know this line of thinking doesn't align with a lot of people, but I personally feel like you should ask permission of the bride and groom before your post photos of them on Facebook and make it public.

I got one of those apps - WEdding Snap and that helped with the Facebook problem.

bunni727 · May 2013

Oh, I loved it when people put wedding pictures on facebook; we got to see them so much sooner than we would have otherwise. We actually took time before dinner every day on our honeymoon to check if there were new wedding pictures up.

linnyv27 · May 2013

I agree that anything other than a no flash photography announcement will most likely not make a difference. I'm a photographer and shot a wedding last weekend. Despite the short announcement at the beginning of no flash, one of the guests was following me around (even up at the altar) taking photos with flash. She even followed me around for a few minutes during the first look, even though the bride had requested no one else be around as she would get nervous/uncomfortable with other people watching them. Some people don't listen.

Just make sure to talk to your photographer about it so they can set up where no one will be in the way.

misshart00 · May 2013

linnyv27 said:
I agree that anything other than a no flash photography announcement will most likely not make a difference. I'm a photographer and shot a wedding last weekend. Despite the short announcement at the beginning of no flash, one of the guests was following me around (even up at the altar) taking photos with flash. She even followed me around for a few minutes during the first look, even though the bride had requested no one else be around as she would get nervous/uncomfortable with other people watching them. Some people don't listen.

Just make sure to talk to your photographer about it so they can set up where no one will be in the way.

I can't believe someone followed you into the first look. That's one thing I loved about my DOC. She wouldn't let anyone else in the chapel for our first look. It was such a personal moment.

TerriHugg · May 2013

bunni727 said:

Oh, I loved it when people put wedding pictures on facebook; we got to see them so much sooner than we would have otherwise. We actually took time before dinner every day on our honeymoon to check if there were new wedding pictures up.

Ehh, I guess I'm the weird one. I figured as much any. I'm also a VERY private person and I'm not a big Facebook person. As joyous as the occasion is, I just prefer to not have everyone in my business and would like to control who has access to our photos.

On the other hand, my friend who just got married also loved having pictures on FAcebook.

QueerFemme · May 2013

If you ask for an "unplugged" wedding, you will look like a bridezilla and a little crazy. I don't see anything wrong with saying "no flash", but realize, some people aren't going to listen.

For what it's worth, my photographer's camera jammed during "the kiss". The second shooter got it, but my favorite picture of the whole wedding came from a guest photo. It was right after we were announced, and I was SO glad it was over just glad to be announced with my partner's last name.

So, don't discount the value of guest photos.

Kate61487 · May 2013

TerriHugg said:

bunni727 said:

Oh, I loved it when people put wedding pictures on facebook; we got to see them so much sooner than we would have otherwise. We actually took time before dinner every day on our honeymoon to check if there were new wedding pictures up.

Ehh, I guess I'm the weird one. I figured as much any. I'm also a VERY private person and I'm not a big Facebook person. As joyous as the occasion is, I just prefer to not have everyone in my business and would like to control who has access to our photos.

On the other hand, my friend who just got married also loved having pictures on FAcebook.

I also loved seeing facebook photos. For your own privacy you can make it so you have to approve all tags. People will obviously still be able to see them; but they won't be linked to / associated with you in any way so it won't show up on friends news feeds or anything.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

@linnyv27- Shut the front door! This person followed you around during the 1st look?! What the heck is wrong with people.

If I was the bride, I would have told that guest to GTFO!

Even better, I would have knocked her ass off the altar with my bouquet, sheesh!

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

cmgilpin said:

If you ask for an "unplugged" wedding, you will look like a bridezilla and a little crazy. I don't see anything wrong with saying "no flash", but realize, some people aren't going to listen.
For what it's worth, my photographer's camera jammed during "the kiss". The second shooter got it, but my favorite picture of the whole wedding came from a guest photo. It was right after we were announced, and I was SO glad it was over just glad to be announced with my partner's last name.
So, don't discount the value of guest photos.

I love it! You both look so freaking happy- love seeing shots like that!

OjitosVerdes · May 2013

I agree that you can't really say anything without coming off as a bridezilla, but I also share you concern. You know that Windows phone commercial where all the wedding guests are holding up their phones and taking pictures? Ugh. I really wish we could avoid that. But I'm going to bit my tongue and hope people are discreet.

Also - we are putting out cards with info about an app that will allow guests to upload photos to a centralized website, and I'm really excited to see the pics from their perspective, but we're not putting them out until the reception to avoid excessive picture taking during the ceremony.

TerriHugg · May 2013

OjitosVerdes said:

I agree that you can't really say anything without coming off as a bridezilla, but I also share you concern. You know that Windows phone commercial where all the wedding guests are holding up their phones and taking pictures? Ugh. I really wish we could avoid that. But I'm going to bit my tongue and hope people are discreet.

Also - we are putting out cards with info about an app that will allow guests to upload photos to a centralized website, and I'm really excited to see the pics from their perspective, but we're not putting them out until the reception to avoid excessive picture taking during the ceremony.

This is what we did. We put the little card in with the invitations and had it passed out right before the ceremony. It was great. It really helped control my issue with Facebook! I think it was much easier because all the photos were in one place as opposed to visit each friend's individual profile to see pictures. Plus, using the app that connected to a wedding sharing site made it easy to send links to those who couldn't make it to the wedding, etc. And this way, you have a little more control over what everyone was seeing. While the site was still on the internet, I'm always a bit nervous about having random people on Facebook seeing my information/pictures and doing god knows what with them.

So though there are few, I definitely suggest the app Wedding Snap to those who aren't a fan of wedding photos on Facebook like me.

QueerFemme · May 2013

I will add, make sure that you tell your WEDDING party not to have cameras up at the altar area. My SIL was taking photos the entire time. When I got my photos back, I was friggin furious, because almost every photo, she was either taking a picture, or looking back through the photos she just took.

This was taken as I was walking down the aisle. I was MAD

OjitosVerdes · May 2013

TerriHugg said:

OjitosVerdes said:

I agree that you can't really say anything without coming off as a bridezilla, but I also share you concern. You know that Windows phone commercial where all the wedding guests are holding up their phones and taking pictures? Ugh. I really wish we could avoid that. But I'm going to bit my tongue and hope people are discreet.

Also - we are putting out cards with info about an app that will allow guests to upload photos to a centralized website, and I'm really excited to see the pics from their perspective, but we're not putting them out until the reception to avoid excessive picture taking during the ceremony.

This is what we did. We put the little card in with the invitations and had it passed out right before the ceremony. It was great. It really helped control my issue with Facebook! I think it was much easier because all the photos were in one place as opposed to visit each friend's individual profile to see pictures. Plus, using the app that connected to a wedding sharing site made it easy to send links to those who couldn't make it to the wedding, etc. And this way, you have a little more control over what everyone was seeing. While the site was still on the internet, I'm always a bit nervous about having random people on Facebook seeing my information/pictures and doing god knows what with them.

So though there are few, I definitely suggest the app Wedding Snap to those who aren't a fan of wedding photos on Facebook like me.

Now that you mention it, giving people more notice might be kinda nice - I'd love to see people's pictures of the rehearsal dinner/welcome reception, getting ready the morning of, etc. - things I wouldn't be privy to otherwise. But the thought of our 200 wedding guests with their hands raised above their heads holding their phones during the ceremony makes me giggle at best, and annoyed at worst. :-S

OjitosVerdes · May 2013

cmgilpin said:

I will add, make sure that you tell your WEDDING party not to have cameras up at the altar area. My SIL was taking photos the entire time. When I got my photos back, I was friggin furious, because almost every photo, she was either taking a picture, or looking back through the photos she just took.
This was taken as I was walking down the aisle. I was MAD

Oh man - seriously!? I would have been super ticked too.

TerriHugg · May 2013

Exactly, @OjitosVerdes

We got GREAT photos of the shower that way!

linnyv27 · May 2013

cmsciulli said:

@linnyv27- Shut the front door! This person followed you around during the 1st look?! What the heck is wrong with people.

If I was the bride, I would have told that guest to GTFO!

Even better, I would have knocked her ass off the altar with my bouquet, sheesh!

misshart00 said:

I agree that anything other than a no flash photography announcement will most likely not make a difference. I'm a photographer and shot a wedding last weekend. Despite the short announcement at the beginning of no flash, one of the guests was following me around (even up at the altar) taking photos with flash. She even followed me around for a few minutes during the first look, even though the bride had requested no one else be around as she would get nervous/uncomfortable with other people watching them. Some people don't listen.

Just make sure to talk to your photographer about it so they can set up where no one will be in the way.

I can't believe someone followed you into the first look. That's one thing I loved about my DOC. She wouldn't let anyone else in the chapel for our first look. It was such a personal moment.

Yep! The first look was at the venue and family arrived early, so I had everyone move to another area so no one would be around. It was the groom's brother's wife that showed up behind me taking photos when the bride arrived. Once the bride noticed, she was mortified. I asked her to leave and apparently after she went back with the rest of the family she said, "I think they got mad but I don't care." She clearly knew the first look was going to be a private, intimate moment and didn't respect that. I was pretty annoyed with this person during the entire wedding and can only imagine how the bride felt after she crashed their first look.

wrigleyville · May 2013

Ugh. People like that ( "I think they got mad but I don't care.") make me grind my teeth. I can't stand that attitude. My mother and aunt are like that, and it makes me absolutely crazy.

OjitosVerdes · May 2013

HoorayForSoup said:

I have an Aunt who treats every family gathering like it's a National Geographic photo shoot. She'll walk right up to people who are in the middle of sharing a moment and get in their face with a giant lens while telling them to act like she isn't there. It's f*cking annoying.

So I totally get where people are coming from with wanting to ask their guests to put their cameras away for the ceremony, but that doesn't change the fact that it is rude to tell grown adults how to behave.

I've got one of these too. Only after telling people to "act like she's not there", she'll call out things like "drop your chin a little bit!"

Jen4948 · May 2013

I have relatives who spend every get-together trying to get people to pose for photo ops. They will also co-opt professional photographers trying to take pictures at weddings and other occasions and get in their way.

So this is an issue I've wondered about too. It would be rude to put any kind of "no photography" announcement in an invitation, yes. No doubt about that. But maybe just making a gentle word-of-mouth request along the lines of "Ida, I know you really like to take pictures at family events, but we'd really appreciate it if you didn't at our wedding" would be okay. That's probably the most you can do, if even that much.

dizedd · May 2013

Personally, I think its absolutely fine to have an unplugged wedding. I may be biased, as I am part of the very small percentage of humans who REFUSE to have a cell phone. I am not "old" either- I'm in my 30's. I do have a Facebook account, and a digital camera. But I do NOT post pictures of my children online, ever.

If you were throwing a private dinner party in your home and a guest pulled out a camera to take pictures of you at the dinner table, you would have every right to tell them, "No. I do not want my picture taken. Please put the camera away." Why should it be any different at your WEDDING?

Cell phones and digital images/recordings are a very recent phenomenon. In the 80's, a wedding guest would never bring their huge hand held video camera to someone elses wedding unasked, then proceed to film the ceremony, make copies of the tape, and mail them to whoever they wanted to. But the new shiney and easy to carry technology makes it just SOOO easy to be rude!

People think it's wonderful to give you extra shots. Many of the PP's loved the pictures their guests took during the ceremony. That's great for them. But if you know that you would be irritated by this unfortunatley COMMON obnoxious behavior, you are not being weird, controlling, or in any possible way "Bridezilla" like.

If you have a wedding website, that might be a good place to casually mention tht you have already hired a proffesional photographer as you do not want your guests to worry about capturing every moment- you just want them to relax and enjoy themselves.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

OjitosVerdes said:

HoorayForSoup said:

I have an Aunt who treats every family gathering like it's a National Geographic photo shoot. She'll walk right up to people who are in the middle of sharing a moment and get in their face with a giant lens while telling them to act like she isn't there. It's f*cking annoying.

So I totally get where people are coming from with wanting to ask their guests to put their cameras away for the ceremony, but that doesn't change the fact that it is rude to tell grown adults how to behave.

I've got one of these too. Only after telling people to "act like she's not there", she'll call out things like "drop your chin a little bit!"

See, I appreciate that because frankly I hate it when people try to take candid photos of me. I don't really like being in pictures to begin with, but nothing is worse than people taking candid shots of you, and you are making a stupid, unflattering face.

STARMOON44 · May 2013

Unless you're just talking about during the ceremony in a location where photography is not permitted, I think its super special snowflakey. And what kind of professional photographer doesn't have the skills to deal with this? If one suggested to me that the possibility of guests taking photos would ruin the pros, I'd move on to the next on the list.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2013

Thanks for all the different viewpoints. I really don't mind guests taking pictures, but seeing some of the ruined images made me nervous. We'll have 2 photographers so I'd hope that if one of them has a blocked shot due to a guest that the other could get it. It was the flash that was the big one- apparently if someone's flash goes off at the wrong time it can completely ruin a picture, especially with the brides bright dress. That would really irritate me if this is true.

I am definitely going to use WedPics or something similar so all the photos can be in one place and I don't mind facebook, though I don't like my kids pictures being posted on public pages. If I post on my page fine, because I can control who sees the pictures, but I don't what Jane Doe posting them. I want to see the guests pictures I just don't want inconsiderate guests ruining the professional photos we're paying big money for. But someone pointed out- all the announcements in the world can't cure stupid.

Is there a polite way to say "While we are looking forward to seeing everyone's photos please avoid flash photography. Any photos taken can be uploads to WedPics and/or use the hashtag #t&a102713, though please refrain from posting pictures of children." Would something like that in our programs be super rude? Or should I just use word of mouth or skip this all together?

Kate61487 · May 2013

I would do it in pieces - put a "no flash photography please" sign at the ceremony or in the ceremony program. Have little cards at the reception with the info for photo sharing.

As for the kid thing - hopefully your friends and family know your preference on child pics online from past birthdays and other events, but if not I'd just handle it case by case - if you see some up you can PM that person requesting they be removed.

Having an unplugged wedding?

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