My cousin and my husband’s cousin are getting married on the same day about 4 hours away from each other so we can’t go to both. I knew the date of my husband’s cousin’s wedding before my cousin's so when I heard that my cousin was getting married, I asked her what date she was thinking. When she told me the date she was thinking of, I already knew that it was the date of my husband’s cousin's wedding so I told her that I already have a wedding on that day and that I didn’t want to have to choose. My cousin decided on the same date.
We see my family all the time (just about every holiday, birthday, etc.) because we all live locally. Plus, this year my family has 2 graduation parties, 1 confirmation and the wedding all within about 2 months of each other where my family will all be together. We don’t see my husband’s family much because they live all over the US, but when we do see them we have a great time. They spend time with us when they are in town and we visit them too. I feel that it makes more sense to go to his cousin's wedding because it’s a chance for us to see everyone together that we otherwise can’t/don’t see. I told my mom this and she was upset saying that it’s my family and that my husband and I should split up. I don’t like the divide and conquer idea though because a wedding is something that celebrates marriage and who wants to go to a wedding without their significant other?! I just don’t think that sounds like fun. I feel that I will ultimately have more fun if I am with my husband at his cousin's wedding but I hate thinking that I will make others upset.
Here are a few other details to help sort through this situation: My relationship with my mom is complicated. She is very critical and judgmental of me. To put it simply, she always feels like she has to compete against my in-laws, hence why her opinion has been mentioned.My husband's opinion is that he is definitely not missing his cousins wedding. He keeps telling me to make myself happy because no matter what decision I make, someone won't like it. I'm a people-pleaser, so for me, this isn't easy.Also, even though my cousin lives about 45 mins away from me, I've only interacted with her and her fiance a couple of times--and spoke minimally to him--because he hasn't been around the family much. They were engaged after only knowing each other for 6 months. While, on the other hand, I'veinteracted with my husband's cousin's fiance multiple times even though they live 4 hours away. In addition, I get along with my in-laws extremely well. I love them like my own family.
Is it wrong to miss my cousin's wedding to go to my husband's cousin's wedding? Would that be selfish? Am I overthinking this? I am just trying to get an unbiased opinion! Thanks!