Advice - Bride Bachelorette fail

MelisMix · May 2013

I feel so terrible - I had my bridal shower last night starting at 5PM and then my bridesmaids planned a bachelorette party starting at 11PM. My MOH told me not to drink too much and that I had a long night ahead, but of course I ended up drinking too much and became SUPER sick and I had to go home & missed the bachelorette party. I didn't think I was drinking more than I could handle, but I suppose I am not eating so much these days, and I got terribly sick...

These girls have done so much for me - already going away to Tulum with me for a long weekend and then planned this fabulous karaoke bachelorette in the city.

I've been apologizing all day and have been in touch with the 3 bridesmaids but not the MOH. She must be so upset, putting in so much time, money and effort for me, and I am just so mad at myself. I'm taking care of their lodging/transportation for the wedding and have a special bracelet being made for them all - but what can I do to show them how much I appreciate them and everything they are doing and just how sorry I am for missing the party... ?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you!

artbyallie · May 2013

This scenario is confusing. I don't think of showers as drinking events and in fact have never been to one where alcohol was even offered.

As for what to do, you could pick out an actual gift for each of them that takes into account their own interests. Maybe their favorite wine or liquor? Or a gift card for their favorite store?

misssunshine17 · May 2013

I would be so pissed if I was the MOH. Did you not even attend the bach party at all?

I don't think gifts would help, either. I think a phone call NOW.

AddieCake · May 2013

You got wasted at your SHOWER? How does that even happen? Definitely a phone call is in order.

lyndausvi · May 2013

artbyallie said:

This scenario is confusing. I don't think of showers as drinking events and in fact have never been to one where alcohol was even offered.

As for what to do, you could pick out an actual gift for each of them that takes into account their own interests. Maybe their favorite wine or liquor? Or a gift card for their favorite store?

Clearly you have never been to a shower in my social circle. I think having alcohol is the reason we attend.

ETA - hit post too soon. I agree with Stage you need to have a personally conversation with her and apologize.

FWIW - there is no way I would have been able to attend a 5pm shower and a 11pm b-party. I just can't hang that long. Not that I would have drank too much and get sick, I just can't stay out that late.

Loopyseven · May 2013

I don't think there's a thing you can buy her for this. A heartfelt conversation and apology and doing your best not to let it happen again is the best way forward for you.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

I was sick for my bachelorette party, and I felt so guilty that I clutched the barstool and slugged back pepto while I watched everyone else drink.

You have a lot of apologizing to do, in person. If I were in your place, I would reimburse her for her costs too.

brielleinlove · May 2013

Just chiming in to agree that you owe this woman a sincere apology like, yesterday. Phone call and then an offer to meet for lunch or coffee so you can talk this over, your treat. I don't blame her for being aggravated that after all her hard work, the guest of honor didn't show up to her event.

MelisMix · May 2013

thanks everyone, i appreciate it. the MOH is traveling to paris today- but after my messages and voicemails i am fortunate to have heard from her. i just feel terrible about it all (as i should). my girls that are truly like family....and for that i am so lucky and won't take it for granted. i'll do everything i can to make it right with all of your helpful advice.... thanks again. M

freebread03 · May 2013

Wait you had a shower and bachelorette party in Tulum? Like, the ancient Mayan city of Tulum? I've never heard of a destination shower, and if I'd flown all the way there and you'd gotten so trashed you couldn't come out, I'd be very upset. I'm sure with a sincere apology your friends will understand. Sorry this happened to you, I'm sure you're just as upset after the fact

PhoneCardLady · May 2013

I've heard of spiked punch at showers, but not alcohol....and I agree, the shower should have started earlier and the bachelorette a different day.

monkeysip · May 2013

There's a lot going on here. I agree with lynda that showers can have drinking too, and I wouldn't have planned a B-party and shower in the same day, especially with a B-party that was so late.

However, your girls obviously went to a lot of trouble and are very disappointed, so I like Stage's advice. Sincere apology (over the phone or in person), and YOU plan to take your maids out for a "girl's night out" or something, your treat. It will show them that you really do want to hang out with them and are trying to make up for your mistake.

rel1988 · May 2013

I'm just confused as to why you would get wasted at your bridal shower.....

TheBaysideBride · May 2013

I also have friends who love any excuse to drink, and I can see how this happened. It happened, you can't change it, and you have to just look forward (you probably are also in that "i'm never drinking again" stage and beating yourself up all day long). First of all, in every situation we can find a little humor. this story will be funny in 20 years (as will the story of one on my BM's drinking so much at my shower that she shortly after fell off a bar stool, knocked a tooth out and split her lip open - at 5 p.m. It happens).

As for now, agree wholeheartedly w/ all the above posters. I hope your apology was accepted, and everyone can move on. I would offer to refund what they spent, but chances are if they went out w/o you they still had a good time.

And now put it behind you and look forward to the next event -

BB

daveANDkristen · May 2013

PhoneCardLady said:

I've heard of spiked punch at showers, but not alcohol....and I agree, the shower should have started earlier and the bachelorette a different day.

Doesn't spiked mean with alcohol?

Anyway, ditto Stage. Take them for a night out on you. I agree with PPs that you messed up, but these things happen. Offer to cover any money they lost on your b-party, apologize profusely, and move past it.

Salsera29 · May 2013

lyndausvi said:

artbyallie said:

This scenario is confusing. I don't think of showers as drinking events and in fact have never been to one where alcohol was even offered.

As for what to do, you could pick out an actual gift for each of them that takes into account their own interests. Maybe their favorite wine or liquor? Or a gift card for their favorite store?

Clearly you have never been to a shower in my social circle. I think having alcohol is the reason we attend.

ETA - hit post too soon. I agree with Stage you need to have a personally conversation with her and apologize.

FWIW - there is no way I would have been able to attend a 5pm shower and a 11pm b-party. I just can't hang that long. Not that I would have drank too much and get sick, I just can't stay out that late.

This. Especially at 5pm...that's drinking time.

OP, I agree with PPs on writing your girls each a heartfelt note of apology.

artbyallie · May 2013

lyndausvi said:

artbyallie said:

This scenario is confusing. I don't think of showers as drinking events and in fact have never been to one where alcohol was even offered.

As for what to do, you could pick out an actual gift for each of them that takes into account their own interests. Maybe their favorite wine or liquor? Or a gift card for their favorite store?

Clearly you have never been to a shower in my social circle. I think having alcohol is the reason we attend.

ETA - hit post too soon. I agree with Stage you need to have a personally conversation with her and apologize.

FWIW - there is no way I would have been able to attend a 5pm shower and a 11pm b-party. I just can't hang that long. Not that I would have drank too much and get sick, I just can't stay out that late.

Well, that's true. The majority of showers I've been to have been at a Baptist church, so no alcohol. But even the baby shower at a restaurant I attended last year was dry. Not that I would shun a shower that did have wine or mimosas or whatever, of course. But I do think it's odd to get actually drunk to the point of being sick at a shower. I try not to do that in general, but I also tend to save the heavier drinking for more raucous occasions.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Yeah, all of the showers I've been to have alcohol, but all of the showers I've been to typically start at 11am. Not too many people getting tanked. Although two mimosas and I need a nap before the bachelorette party! I can understand getting sleepy (Champage makes me very sleepy), but this drunk? Oof.

jemmini6 · May 2013

I would probably be irritated too especially if she reminded you to watch your drinking, but I think an honest apology is all that's needed. Also, it might be nice to take them all out for a drink or two and pick up the tab (and definitely do NOT overdo it on that outing...not good to apologize for being wasted, by getting wasted again).

MuppetFan · May 2013

Ditto everyone. Sincere, personalized, vocal apology.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

lyndausvi said:

artbyallie said:

This scenario is confusing. I don't think of showers as drinking events and in fact have never been to one where alcohol was even offered.

As for what to do, you could pick out an actual gift for each of them that takes into account their own interests. Maybe their favorite wine or liquor? Or a gift card for their favorite store?

Clearly you have never been to a shower in my social circle. I think having alcohol is the reason we attend.

ETA - hit post too soon. I agree with Stage you need to have a personally conversation with her and apologize.

FWIW - there is no way I would have been able to attend a 5pm shower and a 11pm b-party. I just can't hang that long. Not that I would have drank too much and get sick, I just can't stay out that late.

Well sure we serve alcohol at our showers too- wine, punch, light cocktails depending onthe time of day/venue. But no one gets shitfaced, least of all the BRIDE, lol!

Its a shower, not a bar crawl.

OP, call your friends and grovel, lol. Don't make a repeat performance at your reception.

tucsonwedding · May 2013

Maybe you should evaluate whether you have a problem with alcohol.

daveANDkristen · May 2013

tucsonwedding said:
Maybe you should evaluate whether you have a problem with alcohol.

Maybe you should take off your judgey-pants. OP overdid it, for sure. Having a few too many on occasion does not a drinking problem make. Even if she does have a problem, you certainly could not determine that from an isolated incident like she described.

RamonaFlowers · May 2013

DH's family is ALL about the booze. My bridal shower (For both families) was held at DH's cousin's house, and the house actually HAS a bar in it (I sh!t you not, there is a room that was actually re-modeled to look like a sports bar). So yes, at my shower, there was LOTS of booze available.

That being said, knowing that it was my bridal shower, and that my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and so many other relatives (Both mine and DH's) were going to be there, I had the good sense to stop after 2 glasses of wine. And I didn't even have a bachelorette party to go to afterwards.

Honestly, I'm kind of concerned about the fact that you drank yourself sick at a bridal shower. I'm really never the kind of person to question someone else's drinking (As I type this, I'm enjoying a Ketel One and soda, so I don't have a problem with people drinking in general) ... but really? You drank yourself sick. At a bridal shower? Really?

Anyway, apologize profusely. Like Stage said, take everybody else out for a girl's night on your dime.

And really, really, really think about why you felt compelled to get THAT drunk at your own bridal shower. Because, that is seriously some f*cked up shiz right there.

Salsera29 · May 2013

tucsonwedding said:

Maybe you should evaluate whether you have a problem with alcohol.

I knew somebody was going to go there, and I have to disagree. Yes, I think OP should have been more careful, but I also think it is easy to have one too many when you're celebrating and socializing. It's a big leap from "you messed up and drank too much one time" to "you have a problem with alcohol." That's not really fair.

Advice - Bride Bachelorette fail

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