Listing the parents names....?

faithj224 · May 2013

My fiance and I are in a unique situation where his father is in prison. They are on good terms, but he will not be attending or helping out with the wedding at all. His parents are divorced and his mother is involved in our wedding process as are both of my parents.

Should I include his father's name on the wedding invitations and engagement announcement for the paper? He isn't deceased, but my entire extended family doesn't know about the situation and I don't want it to become gossip or anything among them. My immediate family knows about it, as do our close friends.

I've asked my fiance about whether or not to include his father's name on things, and he is torn.

Any opinions?

AddieCake · May 2013

I would use your names and "together with their families" on the invitations. As for an announcement in the paper, I don't see why he can't be listed as "father of the groom" since that's not suggesting he is hosting or not hosting anything. It's just an announcement that you got engaged.

SlothGoals · May 2013

Ditto Addie. Listing him as father of the groom in the announcement doesn't reveal any of the information you don't want to share.

StephJean83 · May 2013

NYUgirl100 said:
I would accept that your extended family will figure this out. I would ask your parents and his mom how they feel about not having their names on invite. When people help with the wedding, I think you should be discussing with them. You could do invite,

Mr and Mrs. Parents
Request the bla blah
Your name

to

His name
son of Mr and Mrs. His Parents Name.

Son of Mr. And Mrs. Groomsparents wouldn't work because they are divorced. I can guarantee you that my FFIL wouldn't want to be paired as Mr and Mrs with his ex wife (not to mention they are both remarried and have been for 30+ years).

For the invites, ditto Addie and do "Together with Their Parents/Families" and for the announcement do something like "Sally Jones, daughter of Bob and Suzy Jones, is engaged to be married to Tom Smith son of Betty Monroe(Smith) and Howard Smith in Fall 2014. " It names him as the father, which he is no matter where he is and doesn't leave much room for questioning from people. At the wedding if someone asks, just say he is unable to be with you in person and move on.

SomethingBeautiful08 · May 2013

I second the "together with their families" wording on the invite assuming that your parents and his Mom are ok with that. Sometimes not having parents names on the invites can make some parents mad, but in this case I think I'd fight for it just to give everyone credit where it is due. If you are doing a program then they would be listed by name potentially and you could always do a "thank you" section.

Jen4948 · May 2013

Who's paying for what isn't relevant to how wedding invitations are worded, because the financial arrangements are none of the guests' business. Who's carrying out the functions of "point persons," as in who issues the invitations, receives the replies, communicates with guests, greets them, arranges for their needs, and so on is, and those persons, regardless of how much or not they're paying, are the hosts. One can contribute money without being a "host" of a wedding.

In this particular case, though, "together with their families" sounds like the best wording for "including" parents.

Wanderer003 · May 2013

I also agree with doing "Together with their families". My husband and I did that for our invites. My parents are together, but his are divorced and his dad is remarried. It was definitely the best way to word the invites.

Listing the parents names....?

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