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Cousin questions....

misslobitamisslobita member
10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I have a sticky family situation and wanted some ideas from you guys on how to handle it. FH is very close with both sides of his family and has six cousins total. Four of them still live at home so they will be with their parents on invites and the other two are helping with the wedding and living out of the house. With my family...its a little different. I have multiple cousins (I don't even feel like trying to count right now lol) on both sides. There are essentially two cousins on each side that I keep somewhat in contact with and thats about it. I'm the baby on both sides of the family and pretty much everyone else is married and have kids. I dont even know where all these cousins live, let alone know the names of some of the spouses/kids. My question is what do I do about invitations? I am currently working on STD and don't know what to do with the guest list. I plan to invite the uncles and aunts on both sides of the family (even though I only see maybe a couple of them coming) but can I inform the aunts/uncles that the cousins are welcome to attend if they desire? I really only see maybe the two on each side coming, but feel that its also rude just to invite them and not the other cousins? I feel like I'm stuck and feel that both options are on the rude side, but at the same time, I know the other cousins won't come and it really doesn't hurt my feelings one bit...any thoughts?
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Re: Cousin questions....

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Ditto Ella. If you intend to invite them, you need to track down their information and send them invitations, not just offhandedly invite them via another invitation, which won't be difficult since you speak to their parents. 


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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  • hordolhordol member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    I would try to track down the addresses because you will want to have the addresses anyway. If they do come, you will want them for thank you cards, plus you can start to build up your own personal address book.

    Talk to you parents and see if they have the contact info (that's where I got all mine from) and if they don't, contact your aunts/uncles/cousins directly. Surely you can at least get a phone number or something.
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  • MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    First off, don't send STDs to anyone you're not 100% sure you want to attend.

    Secondly, ditto PPs that you need to ask your mom or your aunts and uncles for the addresses. If you're okay with inviting all the cousins, they need to be sent their own invitations with their SOs as they as adults living on their own- you can't just hope their parents let them know about the wedding. 
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also, you mentioned some of FI's cousins still live at home.  If any of them are 18 years or older, they need to have their own invitation sent to them.  So you may have to send 2 invites to the same house, just address them to the proper individuals.
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  • allispainallispain member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    MoonlightSilver said:
    First off, don't send STDs to anyone you're not 100% sure you want to attend.

    This. If you sent them a STD, you will need to send them an invitation - and they may very well surprise you and accept. I have several adult cousins who are 10-20 years older than me and who I haven't seen in 13 years (since the last family wedding I was able to attend). Never thought in a million years some of them would want to come to the wedding - yet they all accepted and are really looking forward to it. Since I built their yeses into my total max guest list, this isn't a problem in the least - had I assumed they weren't coming and not made space for them, I'd be scrambling right now.

    Also, is there anyone in your family you can ask for advice as to who to invite? Do your parents have any input (are they paying? do they care?)?
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Ditto PP on how to obtain addresses, sending individual invites for 18+, and ensuring anyone who gets a STD gets an invitation. Your question also seemed to ask whether or not it's ok to invite some cousins and not others. Have you worked out your budget and how many guests you can invite? If you have enough space and you want to invite them, do it. I have some second and third cousins I haven't seen or spoken to in over 10 years, so I'm not extending an invitation to them - even though I'm inviting other cousins in the same "tier" who I talk to and see at least twice a year. Some would frown on that since they're in the same "tier", but to me it just didn't make sense to invite someone I haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years. I didn't apply this to first cousins, though - all got an invitation no matter how long it's been since I've seen them.
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  • misslobitamisslobita member
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    Thanks everyone for the tips! I think I will hold off sending the cousins a STD, until I decide for sure what I want to do. Both of our parents are helping out paying for the wedding and we are assisting with costs as well, so budgeting them in wouldn't be a problem. THe question is space at the reception hall. I think I have 18 cousins, all whom are married and have kids, guestimating the amount of kids they have I'm looking at an additional 50+ guests :S  The reception hall will sit 200 comfortably, the lady in charge of it said to let her know once I get RSVP's if I have more than that because she will have to think about how to rearrange.  My guest list without them is right at 200...and I could maybe cut 8 people but this number includes alot of family and family friends, which I dont want to cut considering both our parents are assisting with costs. AndI know you shouldn't assume people wont come, but its so hard not too!! haha.

    My parents don't really care if the cousins are invited but I have a cousin getting married in a few weeks that I got an invite to (one of the few I'm somewhat closer with). But my parents have isues with their siblings alot of the time, so I feel like they don't care if I invite them because they aren't fond of their siblings as of late. But I don't want to dig a deeper trench in the family issues by upsetting people by not including them...(sigh) anyone out their have a perfect family? ( ;

     

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