Appropriate Shower Gift?

pambw · May 2013

One of my closest friends since elementary school is getting married this summer (sibling-only bridal party). Her sister, the MOH, sent out invitations last week for a surprise bridal shower taking place a week from now. The invitation lists where the bride and groom are registered, and thinking I would just get something nice within my budget, I immediately went onto the sites to have a look. I ended up almost keeling over in sticker shock---the only items below $100 on the registry were cutting boards and towels (individual, not sets). Wanting to get the bride something a little nicer off of the registry (or at least a complete set of something smaller), I was a bit disappointed.

I am a 23 year old graduate student with no income. I also have 2 other equally close friends getting married this summer, and can only afford to spend $50-$65 on a gift (I do plan on giving a very nice wedding gift, even if I have to live on ramen for a bit). Both of my other close friends who were invited to the shower are in the same boat. One decided just to get two towels ($65 with shipping and handling) and the other and I discussed combining our budgets to get the bride a nice joint gift...but after looking at the registry again, even then, besides the aforementioned towels and cutting boards, nothing was in our budget, so we're both back to square one.

When I saw the bride a few days ago (she really has no idea about the shower), she mentioned that one item she hadn't registered for but really wanted to get was a set of bamboo cooking utensils. I did a little online searching and found a beautiful set from amazon with lots of great reviews that is $25. I thought that perhaps I could get that and one of the cutting boards off of the registry, which would be within my range. Would this be appropriate, or risky?

jessicabessica · May 2013

I think that sounds like a good gift. A registry is a suggestion, not a requirement. You can buy off-registry, and it sounds like you know the bride well enough to know what else she'd like (and she's even told you what else she'd like). I think that getting a gift that is easier to return is slightly preferable (like from BBB with a gift receipt), but the Amazon item is ok if that's the one you like.

allispain · May 2013

You don't have to get a gift off the registry just because it's a shower - the last shower I attended, maybe 1/10 of the guests bought off the registry. The rest of us got things that we knew the bride would use and like - not things we guessed she might like, but things we knew she would because of how well we know her. If you've been friends with this woman for so long, surely you can think of some small things that when all packaged up together would make a great gift!

daveANDkristen · May 2013

I think that would be fine. She has already mentioned to you that the utensils are something she wants, which is all a registry is - a list of wants. If you can find a good, affordable set at a brick and mortar store and include a gift receipt, that is even better.

Xstatic3333 · May 2013

I agree with PP, feel free to go off registry! The idea of the bamboo utensils and the cutting board sounds very nice, although if you could find them in a brick and mortar store with gift receipts that would be ideal. The other thing you could do, if you wanted, is chip in with your friend who bought two towels to complete the towel set. You're putting a lot of thought in, and I'm sure your friend will really appreciate whatever you give.

FWIW, as a graduate student myself, I felt a little guilty suggesting that my shower hostess include some of my very close friends from school because, although I wanted to celebrate with them and they are among my nearest and dearest, I didn't want them to feel obligated to get something expensive (and for us, $50-65 is in the "expensive" category). My hope is that my friends are able to come to my shower but don't blow their budgets on the gift.

gmcr78 · May 2013

I think that gift sounds lovely especially since she mentioned it. I'd probably give her a gift receipt as well, just in case she gets a duplicate set.

You could also just get her a gift card, as PP's mentioned, and you could even get her one to the place where she registered. That way she can put it toward something she didn't receive.

RebeccaB88 · May 2013

In this case I'd probably do a gift card for whatever I could afford to the store they're registered at. She will probably get a lot of pushback for that expensive registry. That takes ovaries.

theretamaragoes · May 2013

RebeccaB88 said:

In this case I'd probably do a gift card for whatever I could afford to the store they're registered at.

I agree. I would just give a gift card ($50 would be fine!) to the store where they are registered.

OwningAHome1981 · May 2013

I like picture frames. Cant go wrong with that or a nice vase.

cmclaire · May 2013

In this case I'd gift card.

jlm9113 · May 2013

Can you get her a gift card to the store she's registered at? That way, you can give what you're comfortable giving (even if that's $10) and then she can put towards something on her list.

Appropriate Shower Gift?

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