July 2013 Weddings

Having ushers - is it rude?

My mother is convinced that having ushers that are not also standing up at the altar with you during the ceremony is rude. I thought asking people to be usher was what you did when you had someone who you wanted to include, but who you weren't quite close enough to to ask them to be in the bridal party. My mom thinks FI and I made this whole concept up, that it's gauche, and that we're offending the people who we asked to be ushers.... one of whom is my brother. She thinks that if we don't have my brother standing up at the altar, we're shunning him. My brother and FI are not close, (my brother and I aren't close) so we figured this was a good way to have him be involved. Thoughts? Comments? Queries? WWEPD? (What Would Emily Post Do?)

Re: Having ushers - is it rude?

  • IMO it is not rude at all. Just because someone isn't standing at the altar, doesn't mean they are any less "important" in your wedding. Hope you get it all figured out!:)
    pam8787
  • Ok, so I checked with a few etiquette articles, and they say it's fine, but obviously that's not as important as the two specific people who this actually pertains to. And neither one of them really cares. Sorry, this is just one of those things that I know is going to be a sticking point for my mother, and she has been driving me absolutely NUTS!
  • I think that as long as the people who you have asked to be Ushers don't feel slighted or offended by it, that's all that matters!

    Our Ushers are not 'standing up' either, and they are pleased as punch! They've all said multiple times that they are happy to help in whatever way that they can. 
  • I have hosts and hostesses who are not standing up and none of them have problems with it. Someone has to let people know where to go and answer any questions. The hosts will be escorting in our grandmas who spouses aren't living. The hostess will stand by the guest book and hand out programs. All of my hosts and hostesses are wearing the same thing as the bridesmaids and groomsmans and will also be in all of the group pictures.
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