Bridal party

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Thanks all!

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Ty!

misshart00 · May 2013

Why can you only have 4 bridesmaids? You don't have to have even sides.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Yeah I guess I'm confused as to why you didn't ask the other friend you had originally wanted and had 6 total bridesmaids? Can you explain?

QueerFemme · May 2013

sheerglitz said:

To set the Scene: Unfortunately, my brother and I have never had a good, close relationship. Frankly, we hardly ever got along. Coming from a traditional family, my mother insisted I was in his wedding. Once I got engaged, I was to have my brother in the wedding as well. While we might not get along, he is my brother. I had my 5 bridesmaids (4 friends and my FH sister) planned in my head already, until my mother pointed out my SIL. "How would SHE feel if she was excluded?". I wasn't BFFs with my SIL and we had gone through some drama before, but all that had settled and my mom made a good point. Against my gut, I replaced one BM with my sister in law (I had not asked anyone to be in the wedding at this point, so the 5th girl was unaware - no harm, no foul) Über long story and drama with my brother and sister in law recently ensued, with my SIL chirping in my brothers ear and asked him to handle it. She never called me to resolve our (small, misunderstanding) issue - instead my extremely angry brother called to scream at me, call me dramatic, and disinvite me to a special occasion for my nephew since SIL is upset, but no one knows why bc she will not speak to me now. ( i love my nephew, so this truly broke my heart). I know this sounds like real housewives of NJ, but all sadly true. They have also rashly decided their son will not be in my wedding, nor will they. Now, back to the actual question: I had already asked my SIL & 4 other girls to be in the wedding. I am now not sure if I should ask the other girl if she would like to be in my bridal party. I would really like to, but I do not want to make her feel second string whatsoever. She knows she is invited to the wedding, and knows about and experienced some of the brother/SIL drama I had. I am 16 months away from the date, and only recently asked the girls.... Would it b tacky/rude to invite my friend as a replacement in these circumstances? Any suggestions or past experience would be great and appreciated!

I think you made a few errors here. Caving to your mother forcing you to include SIL in the first place, and not asking your friend originally. You excluded your friend in favor of someone you didn't want in the wedding to begin with, when you could have just added the extra person.

but now, that ship has sailed. SIL is out, fine. But, asking someone after the fact is very rude and will usually make them feel worse. "You didn't ask me to begin with, but now your first choice bailed, and I'm a filler" is likely how she is going to feel. Even if that isn't true, you still didn't ask her to begin with, when you easily could have.

So, no replacements. Just have the WP you have now, and move on. And yes, you asked them WAY to early.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Nobody enjoys being a 'runner up', 'second choice', or replacement. Especially when it'll cost them money. Just leave the bridal party as is.

Bubblegum5586 · May 2013

I am curious what is the time frame of when you first asked everyone to when SIL dropped out? I didn't ask all my bridesmaids on the same day, since I wanted to do it in person it actually took a few weeks to ask everyone. If it wasn't a long time frame, maybe your friend thinks you just havn't gotten to her yet. (granted if you have seen this friend during this time frame I guess my point is moot)

misshart00 · May 2013

You've been quoted. Why did you DD?

kerbohl · May 2013

bubblegum1309 said:

I am curious what is the time frame of when you first asked everyone to when SIL dropped out? I didn't ask all my bridesmaids on the same day, since I wanted to do it in person it actually took a few weeks to ask everyone. If it wasn't a long time frame, maybe your friend thinks you just havn't gotten to her yet. (granted if you have seen this friend during this time frame I guess my point is moot)

I am also curious. I didn't ask everyone all at once. I did it over a week, but it sure wasn't the exact same day. How long ago did you ask the other girls? If it is under a month, and as PP said you haven't seen this friend during that time, I don't see an issue.

Bridal party

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