Etiquette & Wedding Planning: Causing Conflict

missboyd81 · May 2013

allispain · May 2013

You should have the size wedding you want - personally, I think you are being very responsible by recognizing that it's more important to you to buy a house than to have a big wedding, so that's where the bulk of your money will be going. If I were you, I would politely but firmly tell your mother that you appreciate her supporting your desire to have the size wedding you want, that you are aware that some people may be hurt they are not invited, but that financially this is what you can afford. Then, if she brings it up again, you can say, "Mom, we've already talked about this... have you tried this bean dip?" (Bean-dipping is what knotties use to change the subject).

As for the Bridal Tea, it's considered rude to invite anyone to pre-wedding events (engagement parties, bridal showers or teas, etc.) if you are not going to be inviting them to the wedding. Bringing that up might just solve your problems, since you were planning on having a small wedding anyways.

monkeysip · May 2013

Ditto pp. Nix the "bridal tea" party. If anyone wants to throw a party with non-invited people, then make it not-wedding related. Wedding related parties are for invited guests.

You could elope it you want, or you could still try to have the small wedding you want. A wedding doesn't have to be so complicated and stressful, but you HAVE to learn to put your foot down.

Honestly, it's even better since you're paying for it yourself. That means you have total control over the planning, and you need to just do what's best for you (as long as you don't violate etiquette rules). Invite who you want (and their SO's), and everyone else will get over it, don't worry.

missboyd81 · May 2013

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the feedback!

daveANDkristen · May 2013

missboyd81 said:

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the feedback!

Then why did you delete your post?

Maggie0829 · May 2013

Seriously why the DD? And only mods (oh I am sorry TK Gods) can close threads. By writing "CLOSED" in the subject line does nothing but draw more people into the thread.

monkeysip · May 2013

What's with the weird DDs lately?

OP, it's considered rude to delete your post like that. What if someone had a similar question they wanted to ask? The forums are to help everyone.

QueerFemme · May 2013

Yep. I wish all of the regs would make it a rule, that whoever comments first, quotes.

QueerFemme · May 2013

@missboyd81 It's REALLY rude to delete your posts after people have taken the time to reply to you. And you aren't a knotGod, so you don't get to decide that a thread is "CLOSED".

daveANDkristen · May 2013

EllaYoung said:

I think we just need to get into the habit of quoting OPs. This is silly.

IIRC there was some drama a while back and we were asked by the KGs not to quote JIC.

AddieCake · May 2013

So nobody quote JIC,but if you're the first to respond, quote.

allispain · May 2013

For those who missed it, OP's originally from Canada now living in the States where her FI is from. She wants a small wedding. Her mother keeps making comments about all the people who will be hurt if they're not invited, so now she's stressed and considering eloping.

FI's family wants to throw her a Bridal Tea. The purpose of said tea would be so that family and friends who wouldn't be at the wedding could celebrate. She was thinking about whether or not she should invite family and friends from Canada to the tea, since it's such a long way to come for just a one day event.

I think that pretty much sums it up.