Listing dress code on rsvp or reception card

TerriHugg · May 2013

Hi there,

I understand your dilemma. While I get that is against etiquette, you could write "Semi-formal attire" towards the bottom. I've been the recipient of invitations with wording like this and never thought twice about it or felt offended by it. Otherwise you can put it on your wedding website.

s-aries8990 · May 2013

@TerriHugg - the only thing is that "semi-formal" is such a broad range. It could range from khakis, a polo and sperrys to a button-down with a tie, black slacks and dress shoes. There's too much of an in-between. I agree with @TheBaysideBride that listing it's ok to wear heels is fine to put on the wedding website, but the term "semi-formal" isn't really helpful.

Maybe you can also list where the men are getting their suits and show off the BM's dresses? That would indicate some more formality. Or, like I said in my PP, list to the facility's website, and if you can, link directly to their wedding slideshow page.

TerriHugg · May 2013

@sydaries

The broad range is exactly why I like the term "semi-formal." I feel like if you specifically put "dress, heels and long pants" or something more definitive , it sounds more like you are dictating what the guests should wear and stands more of a risk offending your guests.

Because "semi-formal" is so broad, guests will feel like they have more freedom, but know to definitely not wear shorts and flip-flops. Semi-formal doesn't sounds like you are dictating but that you are putting a little more trust in your guests. That's why I like the term if it must be used on invitations. I put semi-formal on my wedding website and everyone dressed fine for the wedding. I think everyone got the hint that it wasn't a t-shirt and flip-flops type of event.

But I do see where you are coming from.

stcr · May 2013

@terrihugg my interpretation of semi-formal was similar to yours. I liked that is was broad and people hopefully wouldn't feel like they had to buy an expensive new outfit but would at least dress like they were going downtown for a nice dinner. I don't think my guests are dumb and don't want to talk down to them in the invitation but I know that the event/venue combination has confused some guests already. On one hand they think because its a wedding they should wear typical wedding attire but then they wonder if because its at a ball field maybe were doing a full on baseball theme and they should wear ball game attire. When I've looked up similar weddings it seems like all the guests either dress semi-formal or they all wear very casual baseball attire. I think that in order to have all their guests follow the same dress code those brides must have mentioned it some where but that's just my opinion.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

@stcr. . .does it really matter what your guests wear? Or maybe the question is why does it matter what your guests wear?

I ask because you say, ". . .in order to have all their guests follow the same dress code. . . ." And this comes up commonly, so I'm curious why the thought of jeans at a wedding is such a concern for some ppl, lol.

If ppl don't dress appropriatley they will feel uncomfortable, but it shouldn't impact you to the point that you even care, right? I have been to formal weddings and events like operas where ppl showed up in jeans and aside from thinking, "What were they thinking," I didn't really care, and it didn't detract from my experience.

Summer2011Bride · May 2013

TheBaysideBride said:

Guys I don't think it's rude to give guests info on your website. My wedding is at the beach and a LOT of women are wondering about heels vs. flats. It's not rude to be helpful. If she isn't dictating it, but offering a suggestion, no one will be offended. Frankly, I've never been to a wedding in a stadium, I would be really curious. There are your family and closest friends. You don't have to be uber formal with them, especially if you are cool enough to have a reception at a ball field. Just done put it on the invite!

But the thing is, most people know that if the wedding is on the beach (and therefore in SAND) it would probably not be wise/practical to show up in stilettos. And if someone was honestly curious, they can ask you, like your guests sound like they have.

Honestly, I don't think anyone should expect guests to dress in attire that is not in line with the venue you pick. If you want a super formal, everyone-in-cocktail-dresses-and-suits kind of wedding, you shouldn't pick a beach or baseball stadium to marry in. Guests look to the formality of invitation + venue to decide how to dress. Next week I'm attending an outdoor wedding at a state park. I'm wearing a wrap dress and wedges because I don't want to traipse through mud/gravel in high heels.

Later this summer I'm attending a wedding at a country club. For this wedding I am wearing a cocktail dress and high heels. Honestly, 99% of dressing for a wedding is common sense. It only becomes an issue when the B&G have unrealistic expectations of how you should dress for their venue. For a wedding at a bball stadium, I would dress much like I am for the state park wedding. In the middle of summer I'd probably wear a sundress and cute flats or wedges. Sorry, but I am not wearing high heels or a cocktail dress in a baseball field. Not saying that's what YOU expect, just saying that is not what the venue would dictate dress-wise.

Honestly I do not think you will have any trouble with people showing up in jerseys. And by saying something, you might offend guests who know better, and those who want to wear jerseys might do it in spite of your warning, so it's a lose-lose situation. If people are truly unsure of the venue/dress, they can ask you.

nextrightthing · May 2013

I have to agree with PPs. Also, all the ladies who said, "I've gotten an invitation that said that, and it didn't bother me at all," are nicer than me and my friends. One of my friends mentioned to me that she was invited to a "black tie optional" wedding, and we both agreed that it was rude and annoying.

Most people don't want to under-dress and will probably dress appropriately. If anyone doesn't, hopefully that won't be something you are paying any attention to on your wedding day.

AmJam04 · May 2013

Rachel-Elise said:

krizzo17 said:

Actually, it shouldn't be on the invitation. Other than black tie, you don't get to specify a dress code (there are no hard and fast rules for semi-formal). Your invitation and location should help guests figure out that this is a fancier affair, and if any of them are confused, they'll ask you for more information.
In my experience, the type of people who wear jeans and jerseys to weddings will do it no matter where you have it.

@krizzo17 How would you say such a thing for black tie? I wasn't aware that etiquette allows for such a thing, even with black tie, and, as I'm having a black tie wedding, I'd like this juicy info. Thanks!

Other than your outrageously fabulous (and formal) invitations, you simply put "black tie" in the lower right corner of the invitation. Just make sure it's actually black tie, because I've heard stories of couples labeling their wedding as such, but they had a cash bar, among other atrocities (for a black tie wedding). I would have been an angry guest at that wedding, lol.

AmJam04 · May 2013

Deleted because it's a double-post.

QueerFemme · May 2013

stcr said:

Does anyone any idea how to politely state that our wedding is semi-formal on the rsvp or reception card. I know it should be on the invitation but they're already printed so its too late for that. My wedding is at a baseball field but we would still like people to dress nicely rather than wearing jeans and jerseys. I'm hoping to come up with a cute phrase that gets the point across without being rude. Thanks.

Cute poems or phrases do not negate the fact that asking a grown person to dress a certain way is rude. Unless your venue has an attire restriction (men in coats/ties and women covering their shoulders, or something like that), you don't give people a dress code.

I did put on my wedding website that most of our seating was outdoors and the ceremony was on the grass, so people could choose to wear heels or not. You can offer additional information on the venue that will give people a heads up on the most common attire worn there (Like post photos of the space on your website), but you never ask or tell them how to dress. Never.

imimbles · May 2013

If it's really black tie, it's acceptable to put "Black Tie" on the invite. No cutesy wording, just that.

Keep in mind that black tie means black tie - the guys must wear tuxes and the women must wear evening dress. I would be annoyed to wear such a thing to a baseball field, I can only imagine it would get dirty?

wittykitty14 · May 2013

I just don't really understand why this is such a big deal. You probably won't notice, and I'm guessing that most of your guests won't be in any pictures.

Trust your guests a little more. I think they'll be able to figure it out just fine. If they're really concerned about their attire, they might just ask you. Maybe then, you could be really vague. But you'd have to be REALLY careful in your wording. It would be rude to say "we'd prefer if people didn't wear jeans". You could tell them more about the venue and how it will be set up. They should be able to take a cue from that.

kerbohl · May 2013

I think putting on the wedding website about the venue and what it is like is all the guests need to know how to dress. Especially with shoes - if it is a field, girls might be reluctant to wear their high heels. Or if it sometimes gets chilly, or is hot because of lack of shade, all that info can go on the wedding website, and you can expect guests to use that info to dress accordingly. And if they don't dress accordingly, it isn't going to make or break your wedding. So in that way, @thebaysidebride isn't off in her advice - her info was just helping guests know what they could be comfortable wearing at such a venue.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2013

imimbles said:

If it's really black tie, it's acceptable to put "Black Tie" on the invite. No cutesy wording, just that.
Keep in mind that black tie means black tie - the guys must wear tuxes and the women must wear evening dress. I would be annoyed to wear such a thing to a baseball field, I can only imagine it would get dirty?

That's not really what Black Tie means though, that is just how one dresses for a Black Tie event.

Summer2011Bride · May 2013

NYUgirl100 said:

Summer, but OP has gone on to explain that the reception will be in a restaurant. I do think she should disclose that on invites (as in, reception or dinner and dancing to follow, at Stars restaurant on the Mezzanine level), with a link to the restaurant on the website. Its just giving information.

Where did I say to not give the location of the reception? Honestly, where in my post did I ever say to not disclose that the reception is in a restaurant? Did you actually read my post?

Summer2011Bride · May 2013

cmsciulli said:

imimbles said:

If it's really black tie, it's acceptable to put "Black Tie" on the invite. No cutesy wording, just that.
Keep in mind that black tie means black tie - the guys must wear tuxes and the women must wear evening dress. I would be annoyed to wear such a thing to a baseball field, I can only imagine it would get dirty?

That's not really what Black Tie means though, that is just how one dresses for a Black Tie event.

The definition of black tie is evening gowns for women, tuxes for men, a full top-shelf open bar, band not DJ, multi-course plated dinner, etc. There really IS a definition of a black tie wedding. It's not just something you can put on an invitation to get people to dress up unless you, as the host, actually follow through with all black tie elements as well.

imimbles · May 2013

cmsciulli said:

imimbles said:

If it's really black tie, it's acceptable to put "Black Tie" on the invite. No cutesy wording, just that.
Keep in mind that black tie means black tie - the guys must wear tuxes and the women must wear evening dress. I would be annoyed to wear such a thing to a baseball field, I can only imagine it would get dirty?

That's not really what Black Tie means though, that is just how one dresses for a Black Tie event.

Fair 'nuff. I was more responding to her previous post about people dressing semi-formally. Semi-formal != black tie. Formal != black tie.

Listing dress code on rsvp or reception card

Re: Listing dress code on rsvp or reception card

Choose Another Board

Search Boards