Pre-wedding Parties

How to schedule yourself around a surprise shower?

Hi everyone,

My MOH and mom have graciously offered to throw me a shower.  They've been planning it together, and the invites have gone out.  It's supposed to be a surprise, which is awesome, but presents a problem.

How am I supposed to schedule my life around this without ruining the surprise?  FI knows when it is and isn't allowed to tell me, which is good, I don't want to know!  FI and I are SUPER busy.  We've been trying to figure out when we can accomplish x, y, z, and there's not enough time to do it all.  The shower is most likely on a weekend.  FI and I managed to plan a couple weekends where we can go visit his OOT family.  Those weekends don't conflict with the shower.  There are some other random days that we might have stuff going on, but according to him, those days are still fine.  That doesn't leave too many options.  There is still A LOT to be done, and a lot of people to meet with.  I need to figure out how I can schedule other meetings without blowing the surprise of when the shower is.

For those who've been in this situation, how did you deal with it?  Thanks for your help!

 

Re: How to schedule yourself around a surprise shower?

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    Personally, I'd be a nag and call the hostesses every time you have something to schedule. "I am planning to meet with the caterer at 1:00 on Saturday June 22, is that okay?" "I am going to run errands and stop to for my final fitting on Sunday, July 7th from 9:00-noon, is that okay?"

    I think it's a bit rude of them to expect you to put your life on hold for your "surprise". I would be super annoyed as I wouldn't want to be in the middle of yardwork and have DH tell me I have to be ready to leave in an a half hour.

    chaiteachickimimbles
  • Thanks itzMS!  Since FI is part of the plan, I've been nagging him about it.  So far, everything I've brought up is in the clear. 

    I don't think my MOH's feelings will be hurt if I figure out the date somehow.  My mom is really the one who wants to keep it a surprise.  The more I try and schedule, the closer I am I to narrowing down the date.  But if I end up knowing when it is, it's not the end of the world, right?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I agree with MS. The whole notion of a surprise shower annoys me. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    imimbles
  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2013

    I thought it was a cool idea at first, but the logistics just aren't working out.  I made the guest list to give to MOH, so I feel like that makes it less of a surprise from the start.  I also know it's at my mom's house, where I also live, and will most likely have to get kicked out if they decorate.  I'm going to be instantly suspicious of any plans FI has to get me out of the house.

    I don't want to be unappreciative, but it'd be great to have some notice.  I'm wicked self-conscious, and if I'm having a shower I want to look half-way decent.  I also suffer from anxiety, and hate large groups of people, and I need time to get myself in party mode. Idk.  I'm just going to roll with it and see how it pans out.

    Edited for clarity

  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2013
    they should have had your FI or mom or someone "schedule" that time for you so you thought you were doing something else, but then it ended up being your surprise shower-- that is how a surprise works.  No way should people expect you to plan around something you do not know is going to happen.  Planning failure on their end, so yes unfortunately you will need to now bug them every time you need to schedule something. Hope it all works out-- that would annoy the hell out of me!
    image

    Anniversary
    imimbles[Deleted User]

  • OP, for all you know, they already approached your fiance about the date.
    I'm not a huge fan if surprise parties, but I've been involved/invited to a bunch of them.
    Keep scheduling what you need to schedule. If there is a conflict, that'll be something your hosts need to deal with, not you.
    image
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    This is why my daughter's shower wasn't a surprise. I wanted to make sure the date didn't interfere with her plans and that she had the opportunity to dress up if she wanted.

    My hunch is that your shower is one of those weekends that you and fi are planning to visit OOT relatives. You'll be out of the house, so MOB can put everything together. Your fi will tell you at the last minute that you have to head back early Sunday morning or afternoon. The visit to the OOT relatives ensures that you won't schedule other plans for that weekend. If you want to test it, tell fi you would like to reschedule the visits.
                       
  • Thanks for the continued advice on this!

    @Simply Fated, as I said in my OP, FI already knows what the date is.  He was involved when they chose the date.  He and I have been scheduling everything together so that there isn't a conflict with what they chose.

    @MariePoppy, there's no way the shower is scheduled for one of the weekends we're out of town.  The shower was scheduled before we scheduled the trips, and FI wouldn't have suggested those weekends if they conflicted with the shower.  It's his family we're going to visit both times, and there's no way he'd cut that short!  Especially for the ones 5-6 hours away.

    FI and I have been dealing with it fine so far.  It's just required more communication between us, since I'm the primary person to schedule wedding appointments.  At this point, I know there's really only a couple of days it could realistically be.  If I figure it out, I'll keep it to myself.  I'm sure it'll be fine.

     

  • Honestly this was a huge issue with me and my mom and sister. They insisted my shower had to be a surprise and went and booked a place without asking me the date. Turns out it was my Saturday to work and I couldn't get out of it. They had to cancel the original shower and find a date that worked for me.  My mom actually called me ungrateful and a bitch. I told her is was her stupid idea of a surprise shower and they got what they deserved.  To this day I'm still pissed about it.
     
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  • @HobokenBride2012, that's awful!  They blamed you because THEY messed up?  I'd be pissed too.

    And at this point, I'm almost 100% sure that my shower is this Saturday afternoon/evening.  Since the date got brought up my mom and FI have been acting weird, so I'm pretty sure.  But that's ok :)
  • Thanks for the continued advice on this!

    @Simply Fated, as I said in my OP, FI already knows what the date is.  He was involved when they chose the date.  He and I have been scheduling everything together so that there isn't a conflict with what they chose.

    @MariePoppy, there's no way the shower is scheduled for one of the weekends we're out of town.  The shower was scheduled before we scheduled the trips, and FI wouldn't have suggested those weekends if they conflicted with the shower.  It's his family we're going to visit both times, and there's no way he'd cut that short!  Especially for the ones 5-6 hours away.

    FI and I have been dealing with it fine so far.  It's just required more communication between us, since I'm the primary person to schedule wedding appointments.  At this point, I know there's really only a couple of days it could realistically be.  If I figure it out, I'll keep it to myself.  I'm sure it'll be fine.

     

    I'm not sure why you're having a problem scheduling things, then.
    Go about your life normally. If you book something on the day of your shower, they'll figure something out because your fiance knows the date.
    image
  • I was right, it was on Saturday.  They scheduled me to be out of the house, but it was nothing out of the ordinary (FI and I were babysitting my nephews).  That alone wouldn't have made me too suspicious.  My MOH's mother was actually the one who got the ball rolling on me being super suspicious though.  If it wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't have zeroed in on that one particular day so much. 

    I was prepared though.  I made sure to look halfway decent when we went out and started mentally prepping myself for it. Everyone was asking "so, are you suprised?".  I honestly didn't know how to answer.  My mom was pretty hurt later when she realized that I narrowed it down to about 3 different possible days (I only told her because she asked me).  She made me sit down and tell her every little thing that I used as a clue.  All I did was use deductive reasoning.  I'm also very sensitive to noticing subtle differences.  It's one of those "I can tell what people are trying to hide by the way they're trying to hide it" things.  I told her not to feel bad, because everything was wonderful and I never really knew for sure. Then she accused me of trying to press FI for answers.  I did nothing of the sort, and FI backed me up.  I just needed to know when it was safe to plan things.   So, I continued to thank her for the shower and left it at that. 

    Well, I certainly wrote more than I planned.  I just figured I'd update you all.  Everything about the shower was great.  Some family drama, but that has only played out in the aftermath. I felt very uncomfortable being the center of attention, but I'm going to have to get used to it, right?  Thanks for your advice!

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