Rude and Flaky Bridesmaid

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

I think it's OK to be hurt on this, and it would even be OK to say, "You know, the invitation said 'Regrets only,' so when you didn't phone, the hostess made plans for you to be there," which is both true and fair.

Your larger problem, as PPs have said, is that she's *always* been like this and you have *always* tolerated it. You cannot magically expect her to change her ways. What you can do is stop expecting her to be different than she is. If you make plans with her, and she bails, stop making plans. Or let's say you and she and a bunch of friends are meeting at 7 for dinner. At 7.15, order your food. If she's late, she either gets to eat after you all have eaten or she has dessert only or whatever.

You cannot control her actions --- but you CAN control your reactions and interactions with her.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Yea, I asked her if she let the hostess know she wasn't coming since RSVP was requested and it's being catered and, of course, she didn't. To make a point I asked her to please RSVP so the hostess can plan and gave her the hostess' number. I'm just going to roll with it til the wedding is over (soon!!) and if I feel like it's worth it, bring it up in a non-wedding related context.

Grrrr.. people like this just drive me nuts! Did I know it when I asked her to be my BM? Yes. Did I ask her anyway? Yes. Should I have expected it? Yes. Was I hopeful it would be different? Yes. Oh well... c'est la vie, right? Gotta brush those shoulders off now..

Thanks, ladies.

aurianna · June 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Yea, I asked her if she let the hostess know she wasn't coming since RSVP was requested and it's being catered and, of course, she didn't. To make a point I asked her to please RSVP so the hostess can plan and gave her the hostess' number. I'm just going to roll with it til the wedding is over (soon!!) and if I feel like it's worth it, bring it up in a non-wedding related context.

Grrrr.. people like this just drive me nuts! Did I know it when I asked her to be my BM? Yes. Did I ask her anyway? Yes. Should I have expected it? Yes. Was I hopeful it would be different? Yes. Oh well... c'est la vie, right? Gotta brush those shoulders off now.. Thanks, ladies.

This is just me, but I'd maybe call the hostess yourself and say something along the lines, "Hi Hostess. She may have already talked to you about it or will call you later, but I talked to Frannie Flaky about the shower and she won't be able to come after all. I thought I'd let you know just in case!"
Probably not exactly your place... but I'd feel bad for the Hostess if your friend never calls her.

Rude and Flaky Bridesmaid

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