"B-listing" single guests' plus ones

harper0813 · June 2013

We were unable to extend plus ones to truly single guests unless they won't know anyone else at the wedding.

FI would like to give our single guests plus ones (by circle) as we receive noes. Is that still yucky B-listing? I was just planning on ordering more apps with the extra money we have, but if you find this okay etiquette-wise, it might be a nice thing to do for our guests. Interested to hear your thoughts...

Jen4948 · June 2013

Originally I thought this wasn't okay, but if you don't think it will offend anyone, then go for it.

SB1512 · June 2013

I think i've seen on here that if space opens up it's ok to extend a plus one to truly single guests who originally were not given a plus one.

QueerFemme · June 2013

I'm generally still not a fan, but I think if it's just a phone call to your close friends/family, "hey, we have some extra space, so feel free to bring a guest if you'd like", it would be ok.

s-aries8990 · June 2013

I think it's ok, but if you have like 7 truly single friends in a group and only 3 or 4 of them get the last minute plus-one, it could get rough.

If it's someone you speak with regularly anyway, I think it's ok, so long as you approach with caution.

MoonlightSilver · June 2013

I don't see any problems with it, since you aren't putting people as second class, just letting truly single people bring a guest.

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

My only note of caution would be if your single friends know and talk to each other. If Sally tells Jane, "Oh, Jen4948 told me they have extra space and I can bring a date," then Jane will think she can, too. Now, she might call you and ask you about it, and then you're in the awkward position of saying, "Well, some people get to, and some people don't, and you're one of the don't-get-tos," OR you have to let her bring someone. And if she doesn't call, just hears and assumes, and she shows up with a date, then you're stuck with an extra person.

Personally, I'd just upgrade the apps.

AddieCake · June 2013

I agree this is probably fine. It really isn't a true B-list, you know?

Simply Fated · June 2013

I think it's okay, but I would leave out the reason.

michellemayawheeler · June 2013

The A list,the b list...You send out inviations about eight weeks. Then your B list 6 to 4 weeks ahead time.

So as you have a regret, you just take your list.

Keep in mind, twenty percent of these people are not going to show up especially with long distance or holiday weddings.

Kate61487 · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:

The A list,the b list...You send out inviations about eight weeks. Then your B list 6 to 4 weeks ahead time.
So as you have a regret, you just take your list.
Keep in mind, twenty percent of these people are not going to show up especially with long distance or holiday weddings.

This is horrible advice. Ignore all of it.

What you're thinking sounds fine. As PPs have pointed out best to do it all at once, at least within a circle of friends.

rajahmd · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:

The A list,the b list...You send out inviations about eight weeks. Then your B list 6 to 4 weeks ahead time.
So as you have a regret, you just take your list.
Keep in mind, twenty percent of these people are not going to show up especially with long distance or holiday weddings.

Wrong.

B-listing, as in sending out more than one batch of invitations spaced out by over a week, is WRONG. Also, do not count on 20% decline. Many brides come on here saying that they had close to 100% accept when they only budgeted or had room for a portion of the guest list. It's best to always plan for 100% acceptance. If a lot of people decline, look at it as extra money for upgrades, additions, or the honeymoon.

harper0813 · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:
The A list,the b list...You send out inviations about eight weeks. Then your B list 6 to 4 weeks ahead time.
So as you have a regret, you just take your list.
Keep in mind, twenty percent of these people are not going to show up especially with long distance or holiday weddings.

No.

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

I think it's OK but agree with PP I would not give a reason and would just do it as a phone call. So you call up guest #1 and say "Hey, by the way, I don't think I mentioned this before, but feel free to bring a guest to the wedding if you like." Don't say it's just because you had spots open up or anything like that.

And disregard the poster above talking about 20% decline. That is absolutely NOT always true and you cannot count on that. Many posters here have had 100% or near 100% attendance at their weddings.

QueerFemme · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:

The A list,the b list...You send out inviations about eight weeks. Then your B list 6 to 4 weeks ahead time.
So as you have a regret, you just take your list.
Keep in mind, twenty percent of these people are not going to show up especially with long distance or holiday weddings.

your advice is horribly rude. B-listing is RUDE.

VadersValkyrie · June 2013

See, I was invited as a B-list-er to one of my now-bridesmaid's weddings back when we first met. They were close to the date, already paid their final deposit, and then had someone back out. She invited myself and a plus one to attend, since the food was going to be there anyway. I knew why I was a last-minute invite and I didn't care; I was just glad to see their special day.

Anyway, I agree about just casually mentioning the plus-ones, if you think someone'll get huffy about suddenly getting a "date".

hordol · June 2013

I ended up adding on +1s for truly single people as a "B-List" type thing too, I think it's okay. I just did it conversation with a few people. I didn't do it for everyone because I don't talk to everyone on my guest list regularly, and the only way I did it is if wedding stuff happened to come up in conversation so I think it worked out fine.

AddieCake · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:

The A list,the b list...You send out inviations about eight weeks. Then your B list 6 to 4 weeks ahead time.
So as you have a regret, you just take your list.
Keep in mind, twenty percent of these people are not going to show up especially with long distance or holiday weddings.

She knows how this rude concept works. She is trying to make sure what she wants to do in NO WAY resembles this practice.

KDM323 · June 2013

Do you need a minimum number at you venue? ($$$ spent)

If yes...this seems ok...if not, save the money...you may inadvertently make your guests feel they need to find a date.

emeejeeayen · June 2013

I asked this when I first joined the knot and everyone jumped down my throat, WHAT GIVES?? just kidding, I don't think I worded it quite as eloquently and no one understood what I meant.

^ nothing helpful to offer, sorry. I think it's fine, though!

MuppetFan · June 2013

emeejeeayen said:

I asked this when I first joined the knot and everyone jumped down my throat, WHAT GIVES?? just kidding, I don't think I worded it quite as eloquently and no one understood what I meant.

^ nothing helpful to offer, sorry. I think it's fine, though!

<grin> We learn how to best word ourselves quickly here!

I see no issue with this. It's like a late bonus.

MuppetFan · June 2013

michellemayawheeler said:

The A list,the b list...You send out inviations about eight weeks. Then your B list 6 to 4 weeks ahead time.
So as you have a regret, you just take your list.
Keep in mind, twenty percent of these people are not going to show up especially with long distance or holiday weddings.

SummerGrl15 · June 2013

@zoberg - I plan on doing the same thing. I have been wondering if I should let my friends who are not initially getting invited with a plus one know that if we have room that they will be allowed to bring a guest or if I should just not say anything until the time comes.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

It's not really a B-list since the single people are already invited - you're just letting them bring a guest. I think it's fine and might make the party really fun!

s-aries8990 · June 2013

tee0715 said:

@zoberg - I plan on doing the same thing. I have been wondering if I should let my friends who are not initially getting invited with a plus one know that if we have room that they will be allowed to bring a guest or if I should just not say anything until the time comes.

Tee, don't say anything until the time comes because you don't want them to ask a date to only have that person back out.

SummerGrl15 · June 2013

sydaries said:

tee0715 said:

@zoberg - I plan on doing the same thing. I have been wondering if I should let my friends who are not initially getting invited with a plus one know that if we have room that they will be allowed to bring a guest or if I should just not say anything until the time comes.
Tee, don't say anything until the time comes because you don't want them to ask a date to only have that person back out.

Good point!

s-aries8990 · June 2013

tee0715 said:

sydaries said:

tee0715 said:

@zoberg - I plan on doing the same thing. I have been wondering if I should let my friends who are not initially getting invited with a plus one know that if we have room that they will be allowed to bring a guest or if I should just not say anything until the time comes.
Tee, don't say anything until the time comes because you don't want them to ask a date to only have that person back out.
Good point!

What I MEANT to say, (apparently I can't English this morning) was you don't want them to ask a date to only have to un-invite that plus-one later.

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

Totally fine - I've just said to friends that if there's someone they're interested in by our wedding date, feel free to bring them, just let us know...

shannyb41 · June 2013

Normally I would say do not do this but since you aren't actually B-Listing a person, I think its fine. You would just be approaching a friend and saying "hey, if you wanna bring a date that's fine". I see nothing wrong with this.

phira · June 2013

What differentiates this situation from B-listing is that you're inviting your single friends anyway, and it's just whether or not they get +1s. The +1s are not your friends or family, and are not people that you WOULD have invited. They're just people you (usually) don't know. I hope I'm articulating this well!

SummerGrl15 · June 2013

sydaries said:

tee0715 said:

sydaries said:

tee0715 said:

@zoberg - I plan on doing the same thing. I have been wondering if I should let my friends who are not initially getting invited with a plus one know that if we have room that they will be allowed to bring a guest or if I should just not say anything until the time comes.
Tee, don't say anything until the time comes because you don't want them to ask a date to only have that person back out.
Good point!
What I MEANT to say, (apparently I can't English this morning) was you don't want them to ask a date to only have to un-invite that plus-one later.

I knew what you meant LOL....

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